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I was planning on buying a house near my father who is now in assisted living. But because my career took a downturn, hopefully temporary, I have put buying a house off. This was very hurtful to me for a week or two but that's life and it's not the end of the world.


So today while I was visiting my father I got a business call and went into the other room. I have known the person who called for a long time and they told me something very funny I was laughing a bit. Then I hung up and went into the living room and my father says "I heard you laughing. That's great. I guess now you can now buy the house.” I so "You know, that fact that I put it off was hurtful to me. I hope in the nearer future I will." and left it at that.


The rest of the day I felt totally demoralized. This is not the first time my father has done this. It's like I cannot have any enjoyment unless I buy the house. It's like my financial status must allow me my enjoyment in all areas of my life. No enjoyment until I buy the damn house. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I love my father and it's certainly not always like this but today I was feeling good and shouldn't have to put down.

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Here's something TRULY "demoralizing": when you ask your father if he thinks you're pretty and he replies, "well, you're no Sophia Loren, that's for sure."

My mother looked for reasons to feel that people were "insulting" her and "putting her down". All the time. So she found them. All the time. When in reality, nobody was insulting her or putting her down. Try looking for the GOOD in life and in others for ONE WEEK. Cast aside your negativity and paranoia, and assume everyone is on your side and wants the best for you. It may change your life.
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Gershun Nov 30, 2023
Amen to that Lea!
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;-).
You sound in rare good form, Lisa.
But I find myself speechless.
Rare, that.
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Lisa,

You should know by now that many of us have been put down , criticized , hurt , gas lighted, manipulated, demoralized and/or whatever things you think up in the future to “ simply ask “ “ Has anyone experienced this?”.

There are millions of people saying stupid things everyday . We have all experienced this . What your father said may have been stupid but not the worst thing I’ve ever heard . Your father and brother will not change . Grow a thicker skin . Don’t move near them either . Distance is a good thing .
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It appears to me that you believe your father was sarcastic when he mentioned to you about buying your house. In reading what you wrote, I don’t think that your father was sarcastic. My belief is that your father felt happy for you when he heard you laughing after the phone call and he assumed that you got a job offer which meant that you’d be able to buy your house.

From reading between the lines here of what you wrote, it seems to me that you are highly sensitive to what people say or think of you and you negatively interpret people’s reactions when in reality their belief in you is the opposite of your assumption.
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lisatrevor Nov 29, 2023
That's what it could appear but my father abruptly changed the subject from me laughing to buying the house. He was making a direct correlation between me being happy, not that my financial situation had changed. He knows if that was the case I would have told him directly as he wants me to buy the house, more than I do!

It's kind of like someone telling you "If you can't buy a house yet you have no right to be doing anything other than doing what it takes to make that happen. No laughing, no socializing, no fun until you get the house.".
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Lisa, why are you resistant to going to therapy?

This is exactly the sort of thing a therapist can help you with!!

We don't know you. All you get here is a lot of speculation, lots of it snarky.

A therapist will get to know you and help you navigate away from the pitfalls that become habitual.
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I wonder why you keep spending time with your father.
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waytomisery Nov 30, 2023
Because she’s still hoping for approval .
Still looking for the nice father she didn’t have. One of her replies says that her Dad wants her to buy the house even more than she does.
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Lisa,

Please get help from a therapist to learn to stop being so sensative to the stupid and sometimes hurtful things said to you by your family.

They are bullies , but you continue to react so emotionally to every little thing , it makes you a target for more bullying . You need to learn to realize that some of it is just plain ridiculous and is done to get a rise out of you .

You need to shake your head at the ridiculous things that are not worth getting upset over and keep your distance. You can not change them . You can change and not react so much for your own peace . I can not fathom why you would live closer to this . I assume a therapist would advise against moving closer and to limit your visits.
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Betterhelp.com

Accessible, affordable online therapists.
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applefrom Nov 30, 2023
This is exactly what is needed. Not a forum.
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The OPs question is “Anyone ever experience this behavior towards them?”

The answer is yes.

So what? Can we all move on now?

The OP doesn’t want solutions, she wants to circle the drain on her feelings. It’s not even a caregiving issue, and is taking up space on this forum.

She’s a full-grown adult. If telling her solutions would have worked, it would have worked several posts ago. She’s not interested in a solution.
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Lisa, you have said many a time you would move to San Diego, Italy etc even with dad in the picture as you not only dislike your brother but the whole area. Now you are contemplating ownership instead of renting?
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