Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Echoing Tothill. "No" is a complete sentence. No explanation necessary.

And regarding this: "I'm not a shy introverted type. I am a strong woman who held down a very responsible job but my Mother saps the very life out of me" and this: "So much of my life has been affected by feelings of guilt and dread of her volatile nature."

Your awareness of these things is the key to coming out from underneath them. Choose a happy life focused on others who love and support you instead. :)

Jane
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

One word. “No”
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

WOW!
I would let her know that you have a family and that this (hand her a paper with a schedule on it, ie: Tues and Sat from this time to this time) is when I will or can be coming to see you. However, there are times when an emergency may come up and things may need to change. This is how it is, this is what works for me and will work for you. If you need more than this call your son I'm sure he will be happy to come and assist you. Hugs.
blessing
hgnhgn
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
rovana Apr 2019
In this case, because of longstanding abuse, I'd advise telling mom to hire a caregiver, move into assisted living, whatever, but I would not engage on any regular basis with mom. I think Lizzie needs that distance in order to have some peace.
(1)
Report
Nip it in the bud. Next time she brings it up tell her flat out you will not be moving in with them, and that if she/they need a live in caretaker then they will have to hire one.

It is not your duty to move in and care for them.

It might be easier to have this conversation on the phone, that way if she gets abusive or nasty you can just hang up.

Of course she will throw a tantrum. So what. What is she going to do, stop contacting you? If she does enjoy the break. She'll get over it.

Once she cools down and realizes you are not her free slave then you can decide what you want to do from afar, like helping her find resources or apply for medicaid.

Also, you have my empathy. I have a difficult mother too and she's bulldozed me to the point of abuse all my life. I'm just now realizing at age 56 that she doesn't control the situation anymore. I do. The same is true for you.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Nothing will make her happy. Even if you lived there and waited on her 24/7, she’d still hate you. There is no pleasing these narcissistic people, and you will go insane trying!

Maybe stop coming around as often? It’s draining you and simply because she thinks you’re the one to care for her, doesn’t mean you have to. You’re doing more than she deserves as it is. No parent who truly loved you would insist you ignore your own family for them.

Simply tell her “No. I have my own family and they come first. I like where I am and that’s final.” If she keeps asking, keep repeating the reason, or say “Mom, I’ve already explained this. The answer is no.”
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter