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My in-laws live with us since the last 25 years. My MIL has dementia and is heavily dependent. My FIL has been very instrumental in caring for her. However he is extremely opinionated, very controlling and dominating. He does not respect women and I find him very rude. He finds me rude because I do not allow him to constantly character assassinate me or provide me with 'feedback'. It causes major stress for me. I find it difficult to improve anything for my MIL and also my own mental health suffers when I interact with him. Moving them out is not an option as that doesnt agree with my ethic. How do I find peace? This is really affecting my husband and I.

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I briefly looked up the grey rock method and will definitely try it more strictly
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thanks for your input. I feel that we will all grow old one day and will need care and so I remind myself that as an able human being I must care for those in need. I have seen them as independent people and now they are losing that ability, perhaps that is the cause of his frustration. Both my husband and I have always tried to keep the family together and keep the environment conflict free. So he always tried to be the one to interact with his father. But many many times my interaction is not avoidable. It annoys my FIL that I do not allow him decompress by going off at me (he calls it 'not listening')
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Why is someome who treats you this way live in your home?

Kick him out.

Why is that not an option?
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What do your 'ethics' tell you to do about a man who has no respect for the woman who's been hosting him for the past 25 years? He obviously has no issue taking FROM you, while being rude and stressing you out at the same time. That's the definition of entitled if ever there was one! How can you possibly find 'peace' in your own home when you are tolerating such behavior for decades? Why is your husband not standing up for you in all this?

You and your husband either lay down the rules of behavior in your OWN HOME or you tell the entitled in laws they have to leave. Immediately. It's that simple.
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Why have they been living with you so long.

Well, if your ethics won't allow you to place them somewhere, I don't really know what you can do. Where is your DH in all this? Why has he not put his father straight about the way he talks to you. Its your house your rules. Look up "Grey rock method". Maybe you will just need to block him out. Pretend he isn't even there. Do what you need to do and walk away.

Has he always been like this? If not, maybe he should have a good physical, mentally too. Maybe stress from caring for his wife is causing him to be this way. Remember though, she is his wife and his responsibility. Do not allow him to make you feel her care is your responsibility.
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