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I thought it was one of the worst things I had to do in my life but it turned out to be one of the best. My father loves assisted living! Only months ago he condemned any thought of of going into it to the point of anger. Now all of his needs are met in an atmosphere that is better than some luxury hotels!

He went from being alone in a house all day laying in bed to now having stimulating activities from morning to night doing all sorts of activities, including swimming, which he does multiple times a week with his new friends. It's really astounding.

It's sad that he is in his 80's though but I have come to realize it's a new stage of life and given the alternatives this one is probably the best.

If I knew then what I know now I would have simply told my father all the great benefits of assisted living and set up an appointment to visit with no obligation. No guilt at all!
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faithfulbeauty May 2023
Thank you! This sounds awesome! I'm glad your dad is enjoying himself. I know that this will be what is best for my dad.
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Guilt suggests fault.
But you aren't at fault.
You didn't cause your father's aging needs.
You can't fix your father's aging needs.

So much of it is just using the right word in your own head. The right g-word is grief. You are grieving your Dad's losses and they are WORTH the grieving.
You are grieving your own helplessness and feelings of hopelessness. And that's worth grieving.

Guilt suggests that if you are just better some magical thing will make this all go away, and it won't. So recognize that this is what is on the plate for you both, and you both hate it, mourn it. But it is here, and you both have an obligation to do the best you can with it without sacrificing your own life to it.

I sure wish you luck, but remember that words matter and it is crucial to remember you are not a felon and you are not a saint. You are a human being doing the very best you are able under difficult circumstances. Good luck Faith.
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faithfulbeauty May 2023
Thank you! All of your words are true. I know that he expects me to take are of him. Many years ago he said these words: " When I get older, you will have to quit your job and take care of me." He does not respect the fact that I need to maintain my life. I know that I'm a fixer but I'm slowing learning that I can not fix everything.
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