He is convinced I will automatically have access to his funds but I am not so sure. I do get statements and have my own username and password for this account and write out checks for my dad and sign my own name. It is very uncomfortable to talk about money and assets with him. I only want to be able to use these funds in the event he is unable to access account.
But, you both have to be comfortable with it, and it doesn’t sound like your dad is…
Dh could write checks and take money out of FIL'S acct as needed.
Sure made things easy when FIL passed and Dh was writing checks right and left.
Assuring dad that you are the only one who can sign checks, along with him, may put his mind to rest.
"Bank accounts held jointly between two parties may be titled with an "and" or an "or" between the account holders' names. If the account is listed as an "and" account, then both/all parties must sign to access the funds. If it is an "or" account, only one of the parties needs to sign."
Being an "or" is a good thing. Yes, there are those who will take advantage but like you I felt this was Moms acct my name on it was for convenience. Medicaid will see it as Moms acct. Everything I paid for Mom was by check. Once a month I reimbursed myself any out of pocket. Put the receipts in an envelope with the check# on the outside. Mom had kept 5 yrs of statements, TG. I do it too. Statements are what Medicaid looks at going back 5 yrs. They will see the money coming in and going out.
So IMO you have excess to his funds. I am "or" on my nephews accounts. Each month I transfer funds from savings to checking. I do his banking for him signing my name. I withdrawal and deposit money. The savings is a payee account so I can't take all the money that is in it even with an "or". I report to the government how the money is spent. His checking, I am sure I can withdrawal it all. Just like my account with my husband, I can withdrawal it all.
Pretty much everyone suffering from a Dementia worries about money. They also lose the ability to reason. Or think logically so its time to fib a little. Tell him all the bank allows you to do is write checks for his bills. You are not allowed to write checks for your bills or take money out for yourself. Yes, you may have to continue to repeat this. "Dad don't worry about ur account, I only can only write checks for your bills"
If you’re not on the account, is your dad of sound mind and willing to complete a Durable Power of Attorney authorizing you to manage the account and/or for the bank to include you on the account?