My 73-yr-old mother has been in contact with men on the computer that say they're in the service overseas. Several have asked her for money, which she doesn’t have. What can I do?

Many of us have watched in horror as a parent falls prey to elder abuse and fraud yet our elderly parents won't listen to reason from those who love and want to protect them. Your mom, like mine, is clever enough to sidestep anyone that gets in her way. Last year alone, my mother lost 6-figures to scammers. Social workers, the police, etc. will not intervene unless a crime is committed and, because your mom is giving away her money willingly, there is no crime. If you're concerned, you need to stop the bleed. So you have to make some hard choices that will impact your relationship with your mom:

* Get written documentation of her Alzheimer's diagnosis from her physcian.
* Document the current FB boyfriend scam. Figure out mom’s Facebook password and figure out what is going on. Download images, PM messages, and conversation screen grabs as proof.
* Collect proof of her spending from her bank accounts. I was on mom's account and still could not stop her. Thankfully, the bank did allow me to stop payment on checks she had written but which had not cleared her account. But you'd have to be on top of her activity every day to catch it in time.
* Contact an elder care attorney immediately to discuss the situation and determine a legal course of action.
* Apply for a court-ordered guardianship and, if it’s granted, take over mom’s finances. You could invoke POA but if mom is of ‘sound mind’ (mine legally was) then she can revoke it.
* Know that your inheritance (if there is one) could be in jeopardy. Mom could get angry and disinherit you for intervening unless she is declared incompetent by the courts. That should not prevent you from doing the right thing on her behalf.
* Assume control of her Finances. Provide court-ordered documentation to the bank. Close all of her existing accounts, open new accounts that she cannot access directly without your approval, and do NOT comingle funds with your own accounts as the court will ask for documentation should your mother fight to gain financial independence.
* Immediately notify – in writing – the sources of her income (such as Social Security or pension funds) and provide new routing # and account # for electronic deposits.
* Destroy her credit cards. Ask the attorney if you as guardian have the legal right to advise the credit bureaus – in writing - that no future lines of credit can be opened in her name. Don't know what accounts she has? Get a copy of her credit report.
* Pay her Bills:  Mortgage, utility, health insurance, funeral plan insurance, etc. I set up autopay for my own convenience.
* Give mom an Allowance. Either open a new checking account, give her cash, or provide a pre-loaded debit card with a predetermined monthly allowance to spend as she wishes. If she gives it away, then at least you are managing the loss.

BTW, shutting off the internet will not deter your mother. Nor will taking away her computer. If she has access to a smartphone, a library or a friend's computer, etc. she will find a way to continue her current activities and you’ll be none the wiser. You might install an app on her phone to monitor her activities so you know what she’s up to.

Go to the banks and tell them she is not competent and get them to freeze her accounts. Take her computer, block these places where ever she is meeting these scammers. You have to stop her. Good luck.

73 years old is not very old, but she seems very vulnerable to "romance scams." Block those accounts on her computer immediately! You can also block email addresses if she is corresponding directly by email. Report fraud to the Federal Trade Commission at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov. Some people don't know that they have dementia/Alzheimer's. Make sure all of her paperwork is in order, a living will with her advance medical directives, setting up Powers of Attorney for medical and financial decisions, a will if she has assets, etc. Do you think she will make you POA? Do this while she is still mentally able to sign legal documents. Many financial institutions also have their own POA forms, you can go with her to the bank to sign them. Hopefully you will be her POA. If she has assets, she may need an attorney. You also need to be on file with Social Security and Medicare to be able to speak on her behalf. You can do this with a phone call with the two of you sitting together. Some POA forms need a doctor to sign off that she is no longer competent to make financial decisions. Make sure you get the legal documents executed before the doctor declares her incompetent. Ask her if you can be a second person on her credit card account so that you can make purchases for her. My mother agreed to make me joint owner on her bank accounts. This makes things much easier. Then you can set up online access to her accounts easily and check her accounts daily, and stop payments if you see things that don't look correct. When my mother had early dementia, she opened up bank accounts that she didn't need. I closed them. (I was POA at that time.) Talk to her about taking over her bills and finances. Good luck to you both!

As others have said, you may have to go to court to get guardianship over your mother (or conservatorship, as it is sometimes called). You need a lawyer, and you may need access to your mother's medical records to show proof of an early Alzheimer's diagnosis. I would move as quickly as you can, and document every move you make, as well as every move your mother is making regarding the scammers. A dear friend's father got caught up in a scam like this, and although it was not romantic, it drained his finances to the bottom. Ultimately, the comfortable retirement he could have enjoyed disappeared and his home had to be sold to take care of his needs. It took a concerted effort from my friend and his brother to get the guardianship and save what was left of their father's money. They weren't thinking about inheritances, either, but about their father's wellbeing. Move now, move quickly, and document, document, document.

angela1973: Since your mother stated herself that she suffers from Alzheimer's, she SHOULD NOT, nor CANNOT be in charge of her finances. She had no mental capacity to realize that she'd been sweetheart scammed. Fortunately, most financial institutions, including her's have fraud departments, whose job is it to recognize and halt fraudulent transactions. However, your mother has attempted to open accounts at multiple banks, which of course looks suspect to any bank manager, or in fact, should. On another note, how is she getting to these banks if she suffers from dementia? I would hate to hazard a guess that is operating a motor vehicle.

Get POA and put name on her accounts. Take computer. Get a caregiver. Take car keys. Get guardianship if you need to NOW.

She is in the “fog of fraud” and will likely not listen to anyone or stop without effective intervention. For any who think so what - it’s her money or her fault for being “stupid”, please consider that the brain, like any other part of the body, is affected by aging in some people more than others. As the brain ages there can be dramatic changes in a person’s reasoning ability. Most of us start reaching for reading glasses sometime after age forty. Likewise, the brain is aging and in some people there are significant changes affecting judgment.

Anyone can be scammed. If you think you can’t you probably will be someday. It is just that the level of sophistication of the victim makes some obvious scams not work against some people while completely fooling others. Example - Bernie Maddoff ran a very sophisticated scam and fooled some pretty intelligent people for quite a while. Sweetheart scams are at the lower end of the spectrum taking advantage of lonely, emotionally vulnerable victims. Contrary to popular belief, victims of fraud are not giving their money “willingly.” They would not hand over their money if they knew and understood the true nature of the solicitation - that is why it is fraud and it is a crime. Some police agencies shy away because fraud is hard to investigate. But, blaming the victim is like blaming a teller for a bank robbery.

Start by reporting her situation to the FBI at www.ic3.gov. The FBI collects and analyzes information from complaints and contrary to what some may think, does go after overseas scammers. Not every report generates a case - they look for trends affecting a large amount of victims and money. But, if you never report it they have nothing to work with. Also alert any banks she does business with. They may or may not help you unless you have either POA or her consent and cooperation. Get POA if you can - or at least find a good elder attorney to help.

The most important thing is to shut down her means to obtain and transmit money. The scammers can and possibly are already trying to use her as a “middle man” or “money mule” to unwittingly accept funds they control from other victims by having those victims send the money to your mother. Then, they instruct her where to send the money next. She basically is tricked into helping launder the money through several transactions to make it difficult for their trail to be followed. You don’t want her involved in that.

You also may want to engage state agencies such as consumer protection or elder protection to try to get help and advice. They may be able to help guide you on her emotional needs which is driving a lot of this. She needs something legitimate to replace this self-destructive activity. Let them know what is going on and seek their assistance with information on how to get financial guardianship. Obtain credit reports at annual credit report.com to see if her identity is being used to open accounts.
Do whatever you can to disrupt and stop her ability to contact them and their ability to contact her. Do whatever you can to protect her finances and watch out for unexpected amounts of money showing up in her accounts. The scammers will steal her last dime and the same from other victims and sleep like babies. You cannot possibly fight back too hard. Get her off FaceBook. Good luck.

OMG! THIS IS DEFINITELY FRAUDULENT!

THIS IS A NIGERIAN. IT COULD BE A MAN OR A WOMAN.

I'VE HEARD THIS STORY ON TV, AND SOME WOMEN HAVE LOST EVERYTHING. YOU'VE GOT TO, GOT TO, PUT A STOP TO IT RIGHT AWAY!

I HOPE YOU CAN MAKE YOUR MOM UNDERSTAND.

PRAYERS GOING OUT FOR YOU, YOUR SISTERS, AND YOUR MOM.