Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3 4 5
At 87 it is time to start spending down. If she refuses to pay you a fair wage I would walk away. You are being taken advantage of. She can go into independent living, when she checks out how much this will cost she may wake up. She is using you, stand up to her, take her around to several places, then give her your options.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Slartabart Jun 2019
Good ideas. She would never go to IL, yet. She would bring in caregivers till the very end! She loves her “things” and her very accessible home. She just doesn’t realize yet how expensive that will be, because I let her take advantage of me. Didn’t want that, I was just clueless before this site and such good help here.

so, thanks. Many agree that she is using me. Now I get it, and I believe so, too. Man, has she saved a lot of money in the last 2 yrs!

But will my siblings get it?
Don’t know. Only see them twice a yr. Wish I didn’t
care What they think, but I do. Guess I might say,
do your research. Or, maybe I might move out and charge for time spent here to help mom. I really want to move back to my home state, but do wish to help mom. How much is the question!
thanks!
(0)
Report
The longer you stay, even with all of the insights and knowledge that you have gained, the harder it will be to fly free! Fly!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Slartabart Jun 2019
You are so good to continue with me. See my last note to you, just sent.
You are right, it gets harder! But I feel I have to give it my all & do the right thing. Then if I must fly,I will! XO
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Slartabart, it seems as though you do know now exactly what is happening, and exactly how much of it is in your control. To be honest, ALL of it is in your control now. It isn't about other people and about what they think about any of it. It isn't about what your siblings think. It isn't about your Mother's needs as she is well able to take care of her needs without you. Do seek the help of a professional so you can begin to map a path forward for yourself. Tell your Mother and other family members and concerned friends that you love and care for them, and that you always will, that the past is the past, and you made your own decisions about it every step of the way, and that you take full responsibility for those decisions. Tell them that now now you will have made the decision to move on so that you can begin to live in a manner that will make your life remaining quality time (if that is, indeed, what you wish to do. You seem to have excellent insight into what happened in the past and what is happening now in the present, and what will likely happen in the future if you do not make different decisions. Again, get help, as life transitions are very hard, and that is why we often choose to talk about them instead of "walk them". Remember, it won't all happen in a day. It is first getting a clear and real decision and foundation of what you want to do for YOUR OWN life. And then making slow step by steps, getting all the help you need (and deserve) anywhere you can get it. I know I went several times in my life for help when I was stuck, and the guidance was wonderful. You get stopped quickly from "telling the story over and over", and you get set on a new way of thinking for yourself. Wishing you so much luck in a happy, productive, future. You can do this.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

So, if the choice is between your pbeing able to have a living income and being on the street, which do you choose?

What in the world does what your siblings think matter?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Every hear of the frog and the pot of water?

One day a frog was put in a pot of water on the stove. It didn't jump out because it was comfortable in the water. As time went on the water got warmer, but that did not bother him for he had experienced water warmed by the son. So, he continued to sit while the water got much warmer and yet he stayed, but suddenly the water was boiling and he couldn't get out for his feet were stuck to the bottom of the pot by the heat. He ended up being cooked for someone's meal of frogleggs.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
keepingup Jun 2019
KeKeywrKeKeywrd jour great story: comfortable. We get used to our roles in life even as they become destructive. T
(2)
Report
If you mother needs care (just not 24/7) then she's going to have to pay someone for that care.

She can pay you or she can pay someone else. Or she can go to a facility and pay them.

One way or the other, she needs to pay for what she needs.

That's all the "negotiating" that needs to be done.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter