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Needing, it sounds by your post as if you are very emotionally in love with your boyfriend, yet I want to point something out. When you marry someone, you vow things like "for better or worse, till death do us part." But are you and your boyfriend even engaged? I say this from the point of view of 28 years of marriage and now dealing with my elderly mother's and my father-in-law's dementia. When you marry someone, you accept their great strengths and their great weaknesses. My mother's mental and health breakdown become my wife's responsibility, and her father's mental/physical breakdown become mine. But if you are only dating, despite the emotional attachment, you are not ethically bound to allow your boyfriend's elderly parent problems to become yours. Only you can make that decision, but consider your own physical and mental well being. It sounds like you are accepting responsibilities that may well belong to a wife, but you are not his wife. If you want to marry him, by all means to do so realizing fully the situation you will inherit and accept as your own. If you do not want those problems, and right now you are not bound to accept them as yours, then you should consider parting ways.
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Roger and Pepsee- very good posts, thank you.
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You are not being fair to him. He told you what his responsibilities are. He's shown you what his life consists of. And you step in and try to change it. He's tried to include you in all aspects of his world.

You don't like his " immature & awful" friends.

You don't like his "selfish, demanding, needy and controlling" mom.

You don't approve of him helping his "sick elderly" aunt.

And you don't think he should make a home with his dad once he becomes a widower.

Then you pressure him into saying what you want to hear, by suggesting you think it's time to break up.

Hmm, I don't think you understand what sharing someone's life really means. And that's what a relationship is. Sharing lives. He's been open and honest with you. But his life is not the life you want. And that's perfectly fine. You leave. You don't stay and try to make him change everthing, that obviously, means so much to him. Nope, that's not how it works. Be kind and walk away.
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Make a Pro and Con list. Pro, the things he does "for you". Con the things he doesn't do for you. (Like not give you the attention you need.) If Con is more than Pro then you have to walk away. I am only being blunt here because I have been there. This person has no time for what you need. You aren't big on his friends. Thats a biggie. After a year don't look at this as Romantic. " I'll stick by him because I love him". He has told you he needs to take care of his family. You will always be second. Thats not a relationship. Not that he can't be there for family but your feelings should mean something. I think if you back off for a while you will realize there was really no long term here. Dating is one way you find out what you want in a partner and what you need from that partner. Iff your needs are not being met, he is the wrong partner. Time to move on.
I think deep down you know this relationship is not what you need. You can love someone but doesn't mean he is "the one".
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One thing I noticed you said and I'm not trying to sound mean or anything like that but you said: "he cannot grow up and have his own life."

Taking care of a parent is very grown up and it is very stressful. As you know it makes have a relationship hard, sometimes very hard and its very stressfull for both you and him. He's going to need a break and get away from caregiving otherwise he will get burned out and that will only make things worse for you and him. 

I'm not so sure a relationship can even exist without having some time to yourselves for dating. He has a tremendous amount on his plate and it's clear that you have strong feelings for him, but you two are in two different paths. I'm sorry. 

I agree with freqflyer. Please, pleas, please re-read that post.
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I agree with all of the above. Sorry for your situation.
May God help you through.
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Needing, Same as I say... all of the above.
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Needing, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but it sounds as if you've already answered your own question.
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Needing, just move on.

He can't give you what you want in a relationship right now. Go date others.
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needingadvice, welcome to life. If your parents are still part of your life, you eventually will feel the need to go help them. Then and only then will you understand what your boyfriend had to go through. I know for myself, I never knew how difficult caregiving was until I was thrown in the trenches.

Time for you and the boyfriend to go off in separate directions. Boyfriend has enough on his plate right now to give you the time and attention that you want. Even if you find someone new, there will be speed-bumps in that relationship. That is just how life is.
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Dear Needing,, we see a post like this several times a year,, and yep. by your own admission it points to breakup. You are not happy, with him, his family or his friends. time to move on before you invest even more here.. or you will find yourself stuck with his elder care, living with his parents,, you get the picture,. Find someone or something that makes you HAPPY.. this is not working for you. I am sorry
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