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My cousin currently has our other aunt who doesn't live far, come over to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner along with giving meds, once in the morning and once in the evening. She doesn't stay all day as she lives close enough to come back prior to dinner and her pm meds. My cousins concern is that her mom is left alone often and wants someone to be there majority of the day. Recently she asked me if I wanted to move in since I am currently in the process of looking for a place to live as my lease is up here. She said she would compensate me by allowing me to take up one of the bedrooms (rent free) and pay me $2,300.00 which $300 would be for me to buy the food for her mother. Well, I must mention that my husband also has dementia and I already am caring for him. No big deal. Now her offer also seems like a good idea as I wouldn't have to pay rent and will be able to save money.

Now, recently she called me saying that after speaking with her husband, he advised her that giving me free room and board + paying me a salary to care for her mother who has dementia is ridiculous. She said she will not be able to pay me any amount as the free rent should be enough. I expressed that with the $2300.00 if I used that to find my own place would get me a better place then this little bedroom I am being given.

The problem I am having right now besides the pay issue is that she pops this to me when I only now have 30 days from having to leave my current residence. Almost as if she planned it for me to have no options but to except her offer. I told her if I didn't take the job, she would have to pay someone else to watch her mom. She is a loud talker and will not hear anything I have to say. Except to tell me that I don't need to take the offer if am having a problem with it.

So should I accept this offer of watching her mom and moving into this little bedroom with my husband and no compensation for the care of her mom except free room and board. Which really I still would be saving money with not paying rent but, is it right of her to do this or should I just hurry and find another place to live.

Isn't there a law about live-in caregivers? Any advise anyone can give me would greatly be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Carolyn

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Desperate people can do desperate and very unwise things. You are about to do just that.

If you saw a job offer that read:

Live-in nanny wanted Work hours: 24/7. Benefits: free room and board. Pay: zero.

Would you accept it?Oh, btw, child is 200 lb. mentally ill, handicapped and 80 y.o.
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ventingisback Jul 2023
Excellent advice!
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100% no. Slavery comes to mind.
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southernwave Jul 2023
Your husband has dementia. He is your only concern.
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Oh H3LL No!

I got bamboozled into taking care of my disabled sister for three years in exchange for free room and board. It did not work. When I moved away from the situation after I went through all of the challenges of having her placed in a group home, everybody benefitted except for me and daughter. We left with minimal savings and had to start over from scratch.

How is it that your cousin feels that she has so much power over you that she can yell scream and bully you? Did she pay you for your services when you were doing the hours that you preferred? I would look for a place for you and your husband and to heck with her and her nonsense. Let her deal with her mom's situation the way everyone else has handled their elderly parents. People like your cousin work at doling out work loads for everyone else while she goes scott free to do what she wants.

And another heck no to free room and board with no pay. Check the labor laws. Live ins get paid and time off. Your cousin is using your living situation to manipulate you.
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ventingisback Jul 2023
Yes!
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There is always a choice. So you sold all your furniture? I'd rather live in an empty apartment then go and help your cousin. Let's face it, once you move in with cousin you will still have no money to move out and she is counting on that. This is such an easy choice. Don't do it.
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my2cents Jul 2023
She would still have whatever she is paying on rent now to save. There's some kind of income for her and her hubby because she said she could still save money even with cousin not paying her.
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No. Don’t take the offer. Especially given her husbands attitude about it. Free room and board to be a 24/7 slave?! No. I’d pick a cardboard box over that.
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Your cousin pulled a bait and switch. An in home caregiver would require a salary along with room and board. She is just hoping you are stuck now. Run. This will not end well
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Taking care of 1 person with dementia is a tough enough job for 1 person. Add in a second person with dementia and you are going to be running yourself ragged.
Talk about caregiver burnout!
$2000 a month breaks down to $66.66 a day or $2.77 per hour. (24 hours in a day)
I am sure you can get a job almost anywhere for more than &2.77 an hour.

Check your States website for labor laws.

PLEASE do not do this to yourself or to your husband.
(Grandma1954 07/23/23 10:03 am)
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A hard "NO!" NO! NO!

I predict you'll seriously regret going through with this. Your husband has dementia--he will only get worse. Your aunt has dementia and she will only get worse. You, you get to stay in a bedroom ... for free. That's it in exchange for you giving up your life for what may be for years.

I lived with my mom for 13 months with her dementia before she died. The isolation you'll experience because she couldn't be left alone--ONE PERSON--I cannot imagine if you're basically trapped with TWO. My sisters' (imagine this being your cousin) narcissistic behavior destroyed my health for years.

Your cousin has already changed the terms of payment--a MASSIVE red flag. Your cousin has manipulated you into giving up your home over this. I'm sorry, but you're better off moving into a new place and simply tell your cousin NO.
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MountainMoose Jul 2023
I don't see your username, but thank you for the notice. The formatting for this forum seems really off, no usernames or dates. I've never seen it like this before, even with refreshing. Thank you again.
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Maybe she should let her husband take over the care for no compensation,, see how long that lasts! YOu are getting scammed.
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Slaves had free room and board, too. Just say no. In fact, say HELL NO. You are opening yourself up to a world of hurt if you do this. Even $2000 isn't enough. Your cousin and her DH want free labor so they don't have to think about it anymore.
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