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As stated by others I would wonder why, why would you want to take someone who has memory issues out? Me, I would not let my siblings take my Daddy out from the MC he was in. Not because I didn't trust them, I didn't trust my Daddy and what he was telling people. I had to be tough with my Daddy and my siblings they understood that but I was afraid they would believe him and not me. Also, if mom is an escape artist - YIKES the answer would be no! How is he going to get her back to the facility if she starts screaming or having a fit in public? I think your best bet is yes they could see each other there at the facility, in public and not in their private rooms.
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If I were you, I wouldn't even consider giving her permission to "date" this man. I have a friend who is a nurse in an assisted living facility and she tells me about various male predators who take advantage of women they meet there. Your mother is in memory care because she needs care and protection, and this is the time to protect her.
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How about meeting with the facility director and a Geriatric Psychiatrist in an effort to get a group consensus? BTW, isn't Mom's memory care a "locked facility?"
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lealonnie1 Jan 2023
Why on earth does this daughter need a 'group consensus' from some shrink and a facility director? Who cares what they think? Anyone in their right mind would put the kabosh on this 'date' the predator has in mind! There are plenty of women for him to choose from in AL..........nobody but a predator would be wanting to take a woman with DEMENTIA out on a date off the premises.
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Trust your gut instincts. For perspective, let me rephrase what you wrote:
I don’t trust the creepy male neighbor who’s suddenly paying for hair cut for a flirtatious woman with dementia in memory care and wants to take her somewhere to be alone or do “something that’s not allowed.”

Screams red flags everywhere.
The good news is that she seeks your permission so you can say NO. And yes, you do want to stop risky or unhealthy forms of entertainment, even if it disappoints or limits mom. I’d be on the phone with management in a New York minute.
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This drives me nutty! OP has not come back to answer questions or comment in any way. Maybe she was taking a poll. When this happens posters under the guise of being helpful start to question or put down others suggestions. Then the overall discord and spite comes out of so many! It gets ugly fast!

Leaving it alone. There is no contest of who's opinions are right!
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2023
Glad, I feel the same.

I wonder if they forgot what website they posted the question on, or forgot about the question altogether, no longer interested or simply busy.

Even more puzzling to me are the very old questions that are routinely answered.
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Just say no to off site dating. If he is a gentleman and has honorable intentions he will accept that. If not, he will move on.
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JennMc: I'll be a naysayer to this man wanting to date your mother with dementia. In my honest opinion, this man footing the bill at the hair salon was anything but "sweet." I would have been suspect from the get go and THAT would have been a red flag warning; I am always an advocate for elders. How very odd that this man, residing in assisted living, holds a job. Good grief - there is much to this story line that just doesn't add up. Tell this guy to take a hike.
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Yes would be nice to know how Jenn handle this and the response from the facility. It helps others that may have the same problem.
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Smile1 Feb 2023
I agree with the Nay sayers. Mom absolutely can not go out with him, needs to be protected and authorities notified. Also, since mom is in memory care, you may find she made the whole thing up. My mom always thought one man or another asked her to marry him. Be vigilant.
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