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My mother has not been diagnosed with dementia but has severe short term memory loss. She gave out her debit card number (and denied it) to several unscrupulous individuals. So I (on the account with her) had to have it replaced and hid it. I got her a reloadable card thinking that with a wide variety of restrictions that I can place that it would be safe. Yet somehow they’ve gotten ahold of the number and the same couple of companies managed to try every category (all declined) until they found the one I was allowing for her. She hadn’t had it three weeks and already I have to replace it. Should I just take it too and have her let me know when she needs it physically?

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Get a replacement card. But, don't give her the new card. Let her keep an old inactive card. You can then just blame computer glitches, fat fingers or whatever on why it didn't work.

Hide her other cards too like S.S., DL/ID and medical cards. I've caught my wife several times with all those cards out on a table talking to a telemarketer. Finally after several years of telling her not to talk to strangers on the phone, she complies with it for the most part.
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Reply to jwellsy
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Take the card. Then make sure that her social security account hasn’t been redirected to someone else. Also put a freeze on her credit. Have her bank accounts red-flagged so that any suspicious activity is blocked. There are other things you can do, too. If her identity has been stolen, you’ll need to notify various agencies. Most people don’t realize that their identity has been stolen until thieves vanish with their money.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Do you think it's a good idea to let a person with dementia who's already been scammed several times have a credit or debit card?

I hope your mother with dementia isn't still living alone because that will be the bigger problem here.

Don't let her have credit/debit cards or a checkbook anymore. Small amounts of cash only and only let her have that if she's being supervised spending it.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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JenJen24, just curious why does your Mom need a debit card? Does she go shopping on her own? If not, no need for her to even have a debit or credit card, or even cash.


When my Dad was experiencing some memory loss, I made sure his credit card had a very low usable limit. Example, limit of $200. He rarely used his card, only when he and his caregiver would go to Burger King for fun every few weeks.


Otherwise, my Dad was happy carrying $25 in cash. Anything my Dad needed, I would buy for him and I was reimbursed out of his joint-checking account which had my name. I made sure I kept receipts with copies of the check in a 3-ring binder.
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Reply to freqflyer
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JenJen24 Sep 5, 2024
Yes I kept the balance low to prevent this type of thing from her checking, and she does shop on her own. These folks were like the velociraptor, trying every category until they got in. I have now set it to only allow two stores.
(5)
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I too went thru something similar with my mom. Energy “delivering” companies got her to sign up with the promise of a $200 gift card which she accepted. This co now delivers electric to her home/acct that has never needed a deliverer for in the past 57yrs. This added another $98 to her electric bill and her gas bill. She was paying the phone co 3 sometimes 4x a mo. I stepped in, removed them all after several stern emails back and forth and the threat of getting an attny on our end. She’s unable to read or write for the most part so bills are electronic only. What she sees are invoices from 2-3yrs back that I leave in a stack. I then added blocks to her phone line with only 20#’s getting thru. Otherwise as you mentioned, my mom was giving her card info to anyone that called her. It’s borderline predatory how certain co’s knowingly go after Sr’s. My next card issue came from my brother unfortunately. He’s started taking her card (bc she says here, I’ll pay) instead of saying No mom, I’ve got this 🤬 That’s another subject.
I finally looked into and added blocks at certain times on her card. Added daily limits and such. My problem is the bank info is somehow one of the things she can recite backwards and forwards aside from her dementia. My fear is her calling the bank, getting a new card sent and me having to start all over again. My mom cannot manage her income, bills or anything health related. She’s completely lost that. I am not on her accts at all but I have card info both banking and EBT food related. I have a monthly budget I fill out, send to all 3 siblings for full transparency and print it out for her just so she sees what I’m doing. I pay all her bills on the 4th of the month then give her a balance. I really rambled but I guess it’s that once you take over the banking you’re able to see the good & the bad.
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Reply to MSalazar227
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GoinKrazeee Sep 13, 2024
Glad you are doing all you can to keep that straight. Can you be put on her accts?
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If your mother is in danger in this manner it is time for YOU to take over management of her accounts for her and supply her with a limited credit card and a small spending account. When my brother was diagnosed with probably early Lewy's he asked me to be his POA and Trustee and this is what we together did to safeguard what was about a million dollar estate. You cannot leave this to hit or miss and change and you should not be comingling accounts. I would see an elder law attorney with your mother to best decide how to safeguard her. Good luck on this. It's a lot of work, I recognize, but it is the surest way to keep her safe, especially in light of what you already know. I hope you'll update us.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Is she online? How are people getting her card info from her? I would just take her shopping with me. No more card. No more headaches.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Yes, your mother’s condition requires supervision, hopefully with POA. I recommend your mother has no bank cards. Suppose the debit card gets lost to possibly expose to stolen identity? If not there now, please place here in a memory care facility.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Take it away and never give it back. You can order what she needs. Or reduce the limit to $200 as stated below. Those scammers aren’t going to give up an easy mark.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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JenJen24 Sep 5, 2024
Yes I had the balance low, and only allowed “shopping”, blocking phone and online shopping. Now I’ve had to tighten it to two specific stores.
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Why not get her a pre laid card with small limit on it and take the real card!
ues
shes a target now for unscrupulous low lifes
tell her you will order anything she needs -just put it in a list and maybe give her a little book and pen

there are some real gutter low life’s out there - hope u filed a police report
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Reply to Jenny10
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