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It’s not like we want to go behind her back but to make a long story short something has got to give. She’s 91 and been living with us for a few years and used to help out a little which was good since it kept her busy. As of late seems all she wants to do is sleep. We work outside the house not close by and kids are in college and high school so she’s by herself all day. Lately she gets up in the AM before the high schoolers go to school but then she’s in bed by 2:30/3 in the afternoon and some days will sleep til the next morning. We do leave food for her and she does appear to eat breakfast and the lunch we make sometimes she’ll have supper sometimes not. We know she’s old but sleeping that much just doesn’t seem normal. A nurse friend checked her meds and said they wouldn’t be causing that much sleep so not sure what or who we should contact. The kids rarely have friends over because it bothers them too which makes us as parents sad.


Thus we are basically just venting so thanks for listening and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Have you asked her why she is spending so much time in bed? How long has it been going on?
She may not know why but I would ask for her best guess.
When my aunt did that several years ago it turned out she was severely constipated. The only other symptoms were that her bp began to creep up. Then she became nauseous. She had a history of nausea so I didn’t react immediately. Then one day her bathing aide said her breath smelled of poop so I took her to the ER After an X-ray we knew what it was. She was having bms and her bowel sounds were “normal” but that still turned out to be the problem. A UTI should be checked for. Dehydration is always a concern with the elderly. Ask her doctor to order home health and a physical therapy assessment. You can send him a note if he won’t discuss her health with you. I’m not saying boredom can’t be a problem but any unusual behavior should be checked out.
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My mother did that, she lived alone, and was bored to tears. She is now in AL, really likes it, she has made new friends, joins activities, takes the shuttle to stores, loves being with people her own age,
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So we actually spoke to a nurse at the office on Friday. She said she understands our concerns but she’s prob bored since all her friends have passed and this is her way of relaxing. Not exactly what we wanted to hear and wondering if the Dr will have the same to say.
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Riverdale Jan 2020
What do you feel you would like her to do instead of sleeping? It doesn't sound as though any harm is being done by it. She is 91. You are not describing incontinence issues due to it. Are you available to take her to a senior center for activities should she so desire? I have a mother who has spent large periods of time in bed. I was an only child. It wasn't normal when I was 10 and asked her if she was going to die. It wasn't normal when I was 16 and started cleaning the house and teached myself how to cook striving for some sense of normalcy. Now she is 89 and in AL. She sleeps late in the morning. Basically she dresses to go down to meals and she enjoys riding the exercise bike in the PT room albeit at the slowest pace possible. For your sake I would enjoy the time with her when she is not sleeping.
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You should be honest with you Mom about what you are seeing and the concerns you have. IF you attend doc meeting with her you should all discuss this. I am assuming you are medical POA and "can" discuss with her MD. Yes, often people begin to sleep much more. But there could be some organ problems, liver, kidney, etc that are causing some concerns, so this needs mentioning to her doc; and no you do not want to go behind her back. She needs to know that her MD needs to know this information.
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Maine127 Dec 2019
Thanks this is actually my MIL and he (DH) does have POA. That could be part of the problem attending the appointment with her because she pretty much insists on going bAck by herself to see the Dr
The sad part is when we try to discuss things with her she gets defensive and it usually ends in an argument and she storms off to bed. It’s sort of like she knows what we are doing to say and doesn’t want to hear it
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Yes, if the situation continues to concern you then by all means speak to her doctor.

Best wishes to your family.
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Why does your mother's going to bed stop your children inviting their friends over? Are they worried they'll disturb her? - it isn't likely they would, and I'm sure such considerate young people can explain to their friends that "we always keep grandma's door shut to allow her privacy."

But that's a side issue: excessive sleeping could have a number of causes and yes you should give this information to your mother's doctor. Be open about it, it's relevant to her health and it may be important, it's nothing for her to be embarrassed about.

Keep an accurate journal recording her daily routine, ideally ask her to participate in it but mainly do it yourself. And then when is her next appointment? I wouldn't leave it more than a week or two; and if you notice any other changes that worry you treat it as an emergency and get medical attention straight away.
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