Follow
Share

I have been going out of my way to accommodate my 84yr old mother food requests. I am understanding about taste buds issues of the elderly. My mom will ask for food to waste it. Then turns around within 20 min asking for something else. She remembers wasting the other food. She also refuses to eat leftovers. We can't afford it and I'm over it after 2yrs of it.

Find Care & Housing
'Wasting food' usually means leaving dished food on the plate. If you use serving dishes, and only put a small spoonful at a time on her plate, she can't 'waste' so much. What's left in the serving dishes is clean, untouched, and can be dished up next time. It's not 'left-overs', it's what's available. You aren't running a short order cook shop. Don't produce food you know she dislikes, but forget the 'special requests'.

I've been doing this for 30 years, with children and adults. It saves a lot of food and a lot of annoyance.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report
Cally2024 18 hours ago
I don't give her food she dislikes and I already give her appropriate portions
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
I think you should feel lucky that your mom still has enough of an appetite to ask for food. Since at some point she won't.

As someone else suggested, get her whatever she wants but only dish out a small portion of it. If she eats it all, then give her more. If she doesn't, keep it in the fridge and give it to her the next time she asks or eat it yourself. You don't have to let her know it's leftovers. Just tell her you just got it.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to needtowashhair
Report
anonymous1768885 Sep 14, 2024
"I think you should feel lucky that your mom still has enough of an appetite to ask for food. Since at some point she won't."

Lucky is not how I would describe it. More like frustrating and annoying and irritating. I can't believe OP has been catering to her mother for 2 years. That's a long time to continue being a slave to her mother over eating 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
(8)
Report
See 3 more replies
I agree that you give her a choice and after that, she can access whatever "easy" food is available, or snacks - nothing that requires even microwaving. My MIL and SFIL used to have apple slices and popcorn for dinner every Sunday night. Now you can buy popped popcorn in bags at the grocery store. Yogurt, etc. At 84 I wouldn't fret about "nutritious" meals for her too much. I used to tell my family "The kitchen is closed!", meaning I'm done helping you find, prep or cook food. Then walk out of the kitchen and get on with the rest of your day.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Today's Menu;

Take it or Leave it!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Cally2024 18 hours ago
She does threaten to tell people I'm not giving her enough food and I'm being mean to her. I'm not being mean to her. I don't want to get into trouble just because I can't be her food gopher and can't afford for her waste
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Sounds like from your reply mom is losing some reasoning skills. It’s kind of you to want to accommodate her, but it also needs limits for you. You’re a care giver, not a short order cook, no sense in constantly trying to find what food she’s in the mood to eat. Offer what you think she’d enjoy, if it’s rejected make an easy snack available near her and get on with your day. The appeasing will soon exhaust you and the budget both.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
Cally2024 19 hours ago
Ohh believe me I know I feel that short order cook thing. She threatens to tell people I'm not giving her enough food and I'm being mean to her. I sit the snacks or fruit in by her she says she needs real food. That or she only wants to eat that candy they call old time Christmas candy. I cut het off of that and portion it out.
(0)
Report
Cally, if she is hungry, she will eat. It won’t matter if it is spoiled, or if it has no taste, or if she doesn’t like how it looks. When she turns food down, she is not hungry. She is bored, and for some reason she has found this way to control you. Just stop. It will only take a day, at the most two, for her to learn that she eats what you give her, either immediately or when she really does get hungry. It won't do her any harm.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report
Cally2024 19 hours ago
I have tried that to an extent. She threatens to tell people I'm depriving her of food and im being mean to her. She says "your not giving me enough food." "Im hungry " She may really feel that way because she wastes instead of eating and wants stiff every 20min-hr. I say ok let me get (whatever she asked for earlier) and she says "I don't believe I want thet right now. I'll eat it later" or "it doesn't have any taste to it" I have explained to her I can't fix your taste buds it's not the food. We cannot afford for you to waste food. She says I don't eat stuff I don't want to. I'm like well I know you didn't grow up rich and I know we weren't poor but we weren't rich either do I don't know where you're getting this from. I'm like you didn't let us kids or the grandkids waste. It changes nothing
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Just read your replies, truly baffled why you care if mom threatens to tell others on you, doesn’t want the food you provide, and why you’re trying to endlessly reason with a person who cannot be reasoned with. This is like some strange cat and mouse game for you and mom. The only solution is for you to stop playing the game. She will not starve, and others will understand you’re not the bad guy (but really, who cares if they don’t?) This would have exhausted my efforts a long time ago
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Cally, does your mom live with you? And how would she know if something is ‘left-over’? Can you pack her refused food up and freeze it until the next time she asks for it?

Better yet, maybe give her a nightly menu with one simple option, for instance,
Tonight’s menu:
(Whatever you’ve planned for your family), or
Grilled cheese and tomato soup
Period.
You can dress it up however you want, i.e. Four cheese panini with tomato basil bisque!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Peasuep
Report
Beatty Sep 14, 2024
Your meal or the ONE alternative: bread and water.

My Grandparents cure-all for fussy eaters.
(10)
Report
Cally, your mom is yanking your chain. She can only do that because you put the collar on yourself and put the chain in her hand.
Honestly, who cares what she tells other people?
My great grandpa told anyone who would listen that my grandma never fed him. This, about a woman who never let a human being or animal leave her presence without PIE!
We all knew he was “full of beans”.
Look at other options for her care. You might not have the will to stand up to her and that’s ok; mother/daughter relationships are super complicated. Going around and around like this isn’t healthy. I would be willing to bet that she will not be nearly as difficult in a different setting with someone else.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Peasuep
Report

Watch the Bugs Bunny cartoon, "Shiskabugs".
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cover9339
Report
Peasuep Sep 13, 2024
I know this is not a laughing matter to Cally but omg cover, you made my night!
(5)
Report
See 2 more replies
See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter