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How about nooo!!!!!!
My mother begged me for 5 years to relocate to where I live. I almost died from a ruptured appendix and caved. It took us 7 months to close in a house we bought together. Every time i asked her if it was really a good idea or if she thought maybe we should stop the process she said things like " you just dont want me there. " or " you dont want me to be happy". We bought a beautiful old house and renovated it. Its gorgeous. We live in a wonderful area and she can walk everywhere. She has completely assimilated into the community and had many friends and does a lot of volunteering. Here's the catch...shes a narcissist.
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She told me I coerced her into moving here so I could have a house with my boyfriend (who is my husband now, God bless him) . She told me of all the mistakes she ever made in her life this one is the worst. And on it goes. I have made peace with the situation after all this time, but she is a nightmare. Shes showing signs of memory loss and I know the worst is yet to come.
Please let your mom own her own misery, it doesn't belong to anyone else.
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HelpPlease1963 Dec 2019
Wow! Thank you and I completely get it .
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I have had my mother living with me for 3 years now and I would say to you "don't do it" but do something. My mother has never been one to help herself and has a need to be a victim. Its dragged me down to my boots. But you need to do something about getting her to a place where she has assistance and company at all times even if it's against her will to start with. Your situation can't go on the way it is as it's bad for both of you. Start looking at places then take her to the one you like best. She will have to accept it as being the best compromise.
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just tell her her only option is the assisted living and to be honest - she would
make friends there and they have activities and truly that is your best option -
tell her the next time she brings it up to move in with you say you have made
arrangements to have her go to the assisted living.
we all become the parents - maybe talk to the people there - bring her and show her around and they will maybe have a way of talking to her that will bring her
around. good luck - you are a good daughter
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HelpPlease1963 Dec 2019
Thank you
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My Mum wanted to come to my house - for Xmas, not to move in permanently. When pressed for the reasons, after quite a few attempts, the reasons becam clearer: she wanted 3 things.
1. To feel wanted. To be invited somewhere.
2. To be looked after.
3. She wanted someone else to organise it (she realised she couldn't but didn't want to admit it)

I wonder if that is what's going on here?

An invitation to lunch at a local AL may be a start.
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HelpPlease1963 Dec 2019
Thank you
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Stick to your guns.
Get her checked out for anything physical that might be contributing to her distress

She mentions moving in, you say "sorry, that is not an option" and find a way to leave before you get upset. Every time. Call it a day. Visit, do what you have to do and leave as soon as she starts up.
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HelpPlease1963 Dec 2019
Thank you
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I wish I could help. I would keep saying what I had said all the other times: “No.” It sounds as if she was independent most of her life and that’s likely how she raised you. But I wonder if there is any reasoning with her, given her state of mind.

An unhappy person moving in will just make you and your husband miserable. I would tell her that your primary relationship is your marriage and you don’t want to add a third person to your household. Maybe she’ll get that on some level.

Next time she carries on, tell her you are not bringing that behavior into your house on a permanent basis. Then show her the AL brochures.

Do you need to spend 1.5 hours there every other day? Not sure what you mean by “protecting” your husband here. Do you mean he has no clue what’s going on between you and her?
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HelpPlease1963 Dec 2019
Thank you ; my husband knows her brain is broken but I don’t give him all the details on what my mom says and how she acts all the time . I appreciate you words
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hi i am in the beginning of the same situation and wanted to know if anyone has had success with cannabis or cbd or hemp oil as i have heard they are studying the use of above for dementia and the anxiety it causes. i dont want to go the pharmaceutical route as this is very early stages. has anyone had any success in this area. thanks
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