Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Starts off fairly easy, then 8 years later you're up to your neck with the situation. Each caregiver handles things differently. I've never had a "caregiver team". Just the dog and I. Right now we are running on fumes. The end isn't that far away, and others suggest I put her in a memory care home. I'm already damaged goods and I'll never get back to where I was. Putting her in a home will push me over the edge. I'm a Marine. We don't leave anyone behind.
Yancy232, I am touched by your honor—“we don’t leave anyone behind”— but remember that we cannot care for our loved ones if our own personal well has run dry. Perhaps don’t look at memory care as leaving your loved one behind, but as a place they will receive the care they need. There is no guilt in that, and you are worthy of living a life as well. We can do everything we can, but the flip side of that is there is only so much we are humanly capable of doing. Wishing you the best.
Oh, when I first came to Forum about 5 years ago it was Ahmijoy who taught me that phrase. Just say "Oh, I couldn't possibly do that". I LOVE that one.
I have some things that help with the chaos. 1. Keep everything simple. There are so many products that help. From eating, dressing, entertainment, shopping, cleaning, you can find things that work and keep life simple. Who knew my 98 year old MIL would love frozen pizzas. 2. Let the patient do all they can do. My MIL can sit in her chair, with a pull up table I got on Amazon, and use a wet wipe to wash face, put on oil of Olay, and comb her hair. Get her a table mirror and keep all her morning routine in an easy to reach place. I let her spread jelly on her toast. Every little bit is better for them and takes one thing off your plate. 3. Don’t make schedules. Use a list of what you want done and cross off as you get to it. That way you are not adding pressure and can see all you have accomplished. 4. Don’t shop-order. Amazon lets you return anything for any reason. 5. Mix up your in home entertainment. Mix tv shows up a bit, play a radio, use an echo or similar device to play podcasts, read books, play all kinds of music from polka to slow Jazz. Invite a friend over and make it special with a nice snack. Sit on the porch. Plant flowers. Get all the junk mail you can get and let it be Your person’s mail. Play go fish or memory (few cards). 6. If you have the money, hire things done. You can hire anything you want: food prep delivered, house cleaning, part time caregiving. 7. Do things you enjoy when at home: I read, write, knit, sew, paint. 8. Take care of yourself. I exercise 4 days and take three off. Some days classes, some days walks, swimming, etc. 9. I have phrases I use. “Let’s talk about that tomorrow.” “I don’t know anything about that.” “Let me see what time it is.” Anything to break the incoherence. 10. Take naps.
One thing for sure is, you can not be a 24/7 , 365 caregiver. You need a break to care for yourself ! Now can you do 24/7,365, yes you can, I have for 20 years. I thought caring for my mom was what I was responsible for. She cared for me, I should care for her. And for many years that worked. Did I care for myself, somewhat. But there has come a time in my life where a week here and a day there, simply Isn’t enough. Thought I was capable and strong but in reality I was empty. Nothing left to give. Asking and receiving help is not a sign of weakness, a sign of wisdom. So my mom (102) is headed to my sisters, we are going to alternate every 3 months. Life is going to get better.
I'm well on my way to 20 years. I passed the 10 year hump a couple of years ago. It was harder when I was caring for 3 people. But now that it's only two, I actually have time to take a nap in the afternoon.
* Realize that most family members are 'thrown' into a situation involving mental and physical decline (dementia) and that we are not taught nor prepared on how to cope / deal with it. EDUCATE yourself.
- Go to TEEPA SNOW's website (or others), read, buy books, do You Tubes, listen to her webinars (as I did for almost two years).
- Understand that the person cannot 'help' but be as they are as their brain cells are continually dying. They are functioning as best they can.
* Know your boundaries; while being compassionate. - Set them and clearly state them (if they can understand: (put in writing; work with families members as needed). - Know you'll have to shift how you interact at the elder changes. Everything is in motion / flux.
* Expect manipulation strategies - it is a form of self-protection as wanting their independence for as long as they can have it however much they have is everything to them.
- Realize they are frustrated, scared, confused, angry. - Put yourself in their shoes.
* Do not argue with an elder / brain chemistry changing. It will frustrate both of you.
* As needed, tell the person what will appease them then do what is needed for their welfare (which they may not know).
* Keep an elder as calm as possible.
- Listen, offer reflective listening ("I hear you saying xxx") - realize being heard is very important to a person losing their independence. They want to be respected.
* Expect the unexpected.
* Get support (emotional from friends, family, neighbors; and physically: hire caregivers as needed as well as volunteers)
* Realize burning yourself out will be counter-productive to supporting/helping another. You won't be able to do that if you do not take care of yourself.
- Meditate, exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, take breaks, respites. Self-Care is #1.
* Process / deal with feelings - all of them, esp guilt, frustration, anger. Do not let these feelings build up; if you do, your own health/well-being will be affected as will the quality of your care for another.
It is deeply rewarding work. And working with clients is very different from having the responsibilities of caring for a loved one. Although the work may be similar.
- Realize if a family member, there are years if not decades of behavior patterns established. Understanding this will support a person to 'stop, feel, process, and make the best decision.
- Realize that you grieving the loss of your loved one. Allow this process to happen, get counseling if needed. It is heart wrenching to experience a loved one declining, often in 'slow motion' with dementia.
* Lastly, realize that you can do so much and that is not only GOOD ENOUGH, it is - and it is all you can do. Self and other compassion will serve you well.
Don't let family take advantage of your kindness. Do what you can, and don't get pushed into doing what you can't. Be kind and true to yourself, first.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Each caregiver handles things differently. I've never had a "caregiver team". Just the dog and I.
Right now we are running on fumes. The end isn't that far away, and others suggest I put her in a memory care home. I'm already damaged goods and I'll never get back to where I was. Putting her in a home will push me over the edge.
I'm a Marine. We don't leave anyone behind.
1. Keep everything simple.
There are so many products that help. From eating, dressing, entertainment, shopping, cleaning, you can find things that work and keep life simple. Who knew my 98 year old MIL would love frozen pizzas.
2. Let the patient do all they can do.
My MIL can sit in her chair, with a pull up table I got on Amazon, and use a wet wipe to wash face, put on oil of Olay, and comb her hair. Get her a table mirror and keep all her morning routine in an easy to reach place. I let her spread jelly on her toast. Every little bit is better for them and takes one thing off your plate.
3. Don’t make schedules.
Use a list of what you want done and cross off as you get to it. That way you are not adding pressure and can see all you have accomplished.
4. Don’t shop-order.
Amazon lets you return anything for any reason.
5. Mix up your in home entertainment.
Mix tv shows up a bit, play a radio, use an echo or similar device to play podcasts, read books, play all kinds of music from polka to slow Jazz. Invite a friend over and make it special with a nice snack. Sit on the porch. Plant flowers. Get all the junk mail you can get and let it be Your person’s mail. Play go fish or memory (few cards).
6. If you have the money, hire things done.
You can hire anything you want: food prep delivered, house cleaning, part time caregiving.
7. Do things you enjoy when at home: I read, write, knit, sew, paint.
8. Take care of yourself.
I exercise 4 days and take three off. Some days classes, some days walks, swimming, etc.
9. I have phrases I use. “Let’s talk about that tomorrow.” “I don’t know anything about that.” “Let me see what time it is.” Anything to break the incoherence.
10. Take naps.
What I'd call critically important:
* Realize that most family members are 'thrown' into a situation involving mental and physical decline (dementia) and that we are not taught nor prepared on how to cope / deal with it. EDUCATE yourself.
- Go to TEEPA SNOW's website (or others), read, buy books, do You Tubes, listen to her webinars (as I did for almost two years).
- Understand that the person cannot 'help' but be as they are as their brain cells are continually dying. They are functioning as best they can.
* Know your boundaries; while being compassionate.
- Set them and clearly state them (if they can understand: (put in writing; work with families members as needed).
- Know you'll have to shift how you interact at the elder changes. Everything is in motion / flux.
* Expect manipulation strategies - it is a form of self-protection as wanting their independence for as long as they can have it however much they have is everything to them.
- Realize they are frustrated, scared, confused, angry.
- Put yourself in their shoes.
* Do not argue with an elder / brain chemistry changing. It will frustrate both of you.
* As needed, tell the person what will appease them then do what is needed for their welfare (which they may not know).
* Keep an elder as calm as possible.
- Listen, offer reflective listening ("I hear you saying xxx") - realize being heard is very important to a person losing their independence. They want to be respected.
* Expect the unexpected.
* Get support (emotional from friends, family, neighbors; and physically: hire caregivers as needed as well as volunteers)
* Realize burning yourself out will be counter-productive to supporting/helping another. You won't be able to do that if you do not take care of yourself.
- Meditate, exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, take breaks, respites.
Self-Care is #1.
* Process / deal with feelings - all of them, esp guilt, frustration, anger.
Do not let these feelings build up; if you do, your own health/well-being will be affected as will the quality of your care for another.
It is deeply rewarding work. And working with clients is very different from having the responsibilities of caring for a loved one. Although the work may be similar.
- Realize if a family member, there are years if not decades of behavior patterns established. Understanding this will support a person to 'stop, feel, process, and make the best decision.
- Realize that you grieving the loss of your loved one. Allow this process to happen, get counseling if needed. It is heart wrenching to experience a loved one declining, often in 'slow motion' with dementia.
* Lastly, realize that you can do so much and that is not only GOOD ENOUGH, it is - and it is all you can do. Self and other compassion will serve you well.
Gena / Touch Matters
Be kind and true to yourself, first.
I learned my lesson the hard way after caring for my mom.
We are facing that now , trying to set boundaries with MIL against her lack of planning , and her not leaving DH the tools needed .