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My Mom (who is 74) is my Dad’s primary full time caregiver (Dad is now 81 with very limited mobility). As my Mom is now getting older herself, the situation is becoming more challenging. Both prefer to remain in their own home at the moment and we do not have the means to hire 24 hour assistance. We have however tried to hire part time caregivers to help take some of the load off of my Mom. According to the service providers, this falls under Respite Care. But none of these Respite Care Caregivers will do anything? They bring homework, work from other jobs, books or stare at their phones 90-95% of the time. We have given clear instructions, leave lists have spoken to the companies they are hired through. And every time, it is the same thing.


We’ve made it clear to the Caregiving service that my Mom (the Caregiver herself) is at a point where she needs more hands on assistance. And we do not simply need someone to watch or just give companionship to my Dad. My Mom gives each caregiver a rundown about my Dad’s morning routine (feeding, cleaning, etc) and then gives them a few other things that are falling behind that she needs help with (maybe putting some dishes away, or a little laundry from my Dad’s bedding) - and every time she walks back in the room and the caregiver will have set themselves up at the dining room table doing homework or will be reading a book and not attending to anything she’s asked. Is this a thing??


We’ve tried 4-5 services and are very honest and clear about the level of care required along with our needs and past experiences. We are repeatedly reassured by each new company that, “their caregivers would never do that and if they did, we should let them know immediately.”


Sigh, 3 caregivers in at the new service and 2 out of 3 all but refuse to do anything. One last week was even hostile and yelled at my poor Mom. For the record, my Mom is really easy going. But by now, even she is completely frustrated with this whole situation. After last weeks caregiver was so rude to my Mom, we called and spoke to our representative from the company. She was extremely apologetic and reassured us nothing my Mom had asked was out of the norm. She even stated that each caregiver is texted a list of duties to be expected at each job, and that she had compiled the “to do list” that is then texted to each caregiver prior to arriving at my parents house.


Is the term Respite Care giving these Caregivers the idea they just need to physically “be there” to give my Mom a break, rather than actually taking her place for those hours? Do most Caregivers bring their own personal work to do while caring for clients? Is this a known thing? This is not giving my poor Mom any reprieve…it is now adding more to her stress level!


I’m at a loss and feeling hopeless! Anyone else going through this?


Any insight from professional Caregivers is definitely welcome as well! Thanks

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wow... THAT is one loaded question. Have I got stories I would love to tell you all. I have worked in home health care for over 25 plus years and it is just getting worse and worse. There are many things that contribute (IMHO) to this. 1. those that buy these home healthcare franchises have the money (evidently) but no knowledge whatsoever of the medical side of it. Ok... the home healthcare agencies say that are "non-medical". I don't know how they can say that. I guess because WE aides are NOT nurses? But even as aides we do medical stuff... vital signs, watch for problems with our patients which certainly ARE medical. I used to be a nurse but hated what they do so I decided to do one-on-one bedside care. 2. These agencies, many want just a body to be there. I had one agency, Right At Home, who kept an abusive male aide. I kept calling the office reporting him and he just kept showing up. Some of these aides are from foreign countries. Some are great... and some... horrible just like all the other aides. Patients sometimes cannot understand them. 3. One had been taking care of patients for some time and she could not do blood pressures. I found another one that I am working with right now.... my patient is constantly having high blood pressures... like 200/110 and this is with a wrist, AMRON battery operated cuff. She keeps getting pressures like 124/84! She is taking it manually. Also, the oxygen levels she gets is always 90%. The patient's oxygen level that I have been getting is 88-89% and last Wednesday the highest I got was 85% a few seconds AFTER this woman got 90%! Called EMS. They got what I got and put my patient on oxygen.

I am also dealing with someone like this and this is getting worse and worse. Judy brags about herself. All the time. About 40 years old. She says that she is really good and that is why people are telling her they want her back; that patients and/or families call the office requesting her and doing this Judy says, "all the time". I cannot get her to tell me anything about the patient. We have a log... she writes no notes and not even any for the agency we work for. I asked her last Wednesday when was the last time our patient took a blood pressure pill --- her reply was, "yesterday". I then said, "I need to know what time yesterday because she can get one pill every 12 hours. If she took the pill last night at 10, she would not be able to get one until 10 this morning and right now it is 8 am.". She was snippy with me. Still did NOT give me an accurate time and why? Most likely did not know.. had not documented it... had no intention of passing this info on to me when I showed up to relieve her... and again... she never told me anything of what is going on with the patient! And YES! She is supposed to.. this is part of her job! All she says is this, "Had a great day!" I don't know what this means. Who had a great day? Does this mean the patient's cognitive abilities were better today? Less confusion? Was her blood pressure staying down so you did not take a blood pressure pill? She was not incontinent on your shift? Did she lose some weight? Did she do her exercises which she normally refuses? Was her breathing better? What does "had a great day" mean here?



These aides are not to do their own "stuff" during the hours they are there unless they have done everything they are being paid to do AND they have been given permission to.
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DonnaF777 Jun 2021
Agencies are a huge problem. Here is something to watch out for when it comes to these "professional caregivers".

The CHARMERS, I call them. Dealing with one right now, mentioned in previous comment. They think they are great... at least they tell everyone they are. And it works! They may use religion... say that they want to pray with the patient, want to do BIBLE studies with the patient and they may do that but.... their care is horrible to non-existent. Had one caregiver... she never wore scrubs like the rest of us - 3 caregivers at all times. This was NO agency. This gal was early 40's, always had every hair in place, nice clothing with her jewelry and makeup. She talked a good talk. She "reeled them in". Did a ton of smiling... always smiling and talking about GOD... and when she went on vacation, she went to see what? the ark. When she came back, she talked about the ark and how blessed she was. Patient was getting 2 different types of insulin. The second one---if sugar was over 150, she was to get insulin. I came on at 6 pm as usual. The thing was, the girl did write some things down! Noticed that blood sugar was 121. NO insulin needed. Blood pressure was 152/86. This woman had given patient that insulin she was not to give. I had asked her about it. She looked at what she had written to confirm what I was telling her? She said she must have looked at the top number on the blood pressure reading... the 152 and thought it was the blood sugar reading! I asked her if she was going to call the daughter? (giving insulin when not needed?) Nope.. she did not either. I called the daughter. This aide also told me later that one of the aides was not changing the patient's depends..leaving him laying in urine and feces. I knew this to be a lie. The aide she reported was fired and this was the aide who had gotten this woman this job in the first place. This aide, the charming one, had been with these patients, husband and wife, a little less than 3 years. I had been there for a few months. She also got another aide fired. Don't know what happened there. I knew I was next. I would come in at 5:55 pm...start of my shift, and check the hubby. He was bedbound... and needing suctioning. I tested this aide. He was constantly needing to be suctioned, his throat all the time for the last 2 weeks +. I asked the girl to turn on the machine. SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW!. So.. she had not suctioned him at all. She worked 8 hour shifts during the day. Then I tested her again. I would find his bed soaked and dried feces every time a came so, I came 5:45 pm. 15 minutes early. Still her shift so I could expect her to help me. She would not... would not even touch this man. Would not get depends. would not get water... she would not help turn him. She did nothing but stand there and watch me clean this man up. I went to the daughter.

OK... did no good. I hated to do this but.... I told her I could no longer work under these circumstances. I told her some of this but she seemed to not believe anything I was saying. I reminded her about the bed sores her dad now has. How did he get those if he is being kept clean and being turned at least every 2 hours? I let this daughter know that every time I came on shift, her dad was ALWAYS on his back. Daughter stated that maybe dad had just finished eating ? (yeah,...right) I tried to explain about me coming on and finding her dad laying in urine and much of the time, feces. I mentioned the suctioning. Got NOWHERE! This aide had charmed this daughter to the point that she was unable to see what was right in front of her. I have had other aides try to charm ME. One wanted to live with me and when I told her no... she put me through hell after that. Got me fired from that job. There are aides that will do whatever the patient wants even though it is against the law or company policy. Patients and family love these types of aides. They lie and a lot.
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I would change the way I hired.

I would not request respite care. I would request an aide.

Sometimes companies use miscommunication to their advantage and this sounds like one of those times.

This is not respite in the actual sense of the term.

Mom needs an aide to take care of dad from...to....on....doing the following:
Be as specific as possible and put it all in writing with the agency and caregiver.

If the caregiver shows up and is not willing to do what is required, send them home and call the agency and tell them that you will not be paying for their aide because they refused to do what they were hired to do.
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Agencies charge $20 - $25 per hour. But the caregiver is only paid a portion of that-less taxes. They probably earn less most babysitters-but are expected to work much harder.
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Agencies talk a good game. The rep. you meet with is there to sell you, promise the world. But, it's a sellers market. You obviously need what they provide. In the end, you more/less have to take what they give you.
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Hiring through an agency merely provides the security that they are insured, the caregivers are certified and-hopefully-the shift will always be covered.
NOTE: before you sign- ask for proof of insurance and caregiver certification!
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My only suggestion is to consider hiring an "independent contractor" though a site. Some take out ads in certain publications and Craig's List.
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Provide a profile explaining your needs. Be specific! Including preferences such as "pet friendly", non-smoker.
Reach out to potential hires. Be sure to interview in person. What exactly is their experience? Do they have references?
Do they have reliable transportation? Chit-chat a while; do they seem like a good fit?
Agree the first 5 shifts will be a trial period. No harm/no foul if it doesn't work out on either side.
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Where I live, the average expected wage is $20/hr. Payment is expected at the end of the week. Caregivers prefer cash- I paid through Venmo (bank-to-bank transfer).
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Keep in mind, there will be down time. If they finished their chores and dad is sleeping, very few will ask for more to do. If this person is generally a hard worker-It's not a big deal from time to time. Otherwise, unless you have a ready list of busy-work, they'll be on their phones.
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Good luck and God Bless
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DonnaF777 Jun 2021
I find that now days patients and/or family want us to do housework. WE come to a house that appears to not had a good cleaning for some time, maybe years, and we are expected to take care of 2 dementia patients, husband and wife, clean the whole house and take care of their animals and all for $10/hour. Sometimes less. I am 67. Female.. been doing this for 25 plus years. I believe in working but... as I have told my patients or whomever... we are not housekeepers. We are caregivers. We do light housekeeping. What this means.. or supposed to mean? We clean up what we mess up taking care of the patient. WE give a shower? Clean up the bathroom... the toilet they use. The bedside commode they use. Clean up and tidy, organize the room they sit/sleep in. Not the whole house. Clean up the kitchen, do the dishes, rinse and put them away when done making meals for them. Sweep/mop those areas but again, NOT the whole house. Do the laundry...I have had people many times get rid of their housekeepers and when I show up, expect me to do it all. I mean, take care of them and all the housekeeping the housekeepers were doing plus their animals. Plus.. one lady expected me to take care of her hubby and her son who was mentally challenged. She was our patient. Clean the whole house which was in terrible condition...and take care of 3 people which means cook for all of them. She would get absolutely angry with me. I have been expected to move furniture. Sometimes we have to. There is so much furniture crammed into their rooms.... when we called EMSA, we had to move heavy packing boxes, a big floor clock, the sofa, the floor light in order to get her out the front door. You know... they talk about the abuse caregivers do to patients but they don't talk about what the patient's and families do to the caregivers. There is a ton of abuse inflicted on aides.... verbal and yes, we do get hit... and men touch us inappropriately..say disgusting things and I am not talking about dementia patients. Some of them know exactly what they are doing and don't care. Aides are treated with such disrespect. And yes, some of these aides I would not allow them to even bury a dead rat. Yes.. you have to watch out for the charmers. They are charming to everyone but the other caregivers who know them... who have figured them out. I had one aide that was with a patient for 3 years and she kept a log ON THE CAREGIVERS. She was telling me how she thought I was great (This is a huge red flag) and how she loved me (another red flag) and she wanted me to come back (could be another red flag) She is just so charming! But.. I found that log book of hers while organizing... cleaning... and she was complaining about all these caregivers! Yep... she complained about me also and to the agency. 3 things she said... and all three were lies. You would have thought that by all she said that I had done nothing. I had noticed that there was laundry basket... I told her that I would do laundry. She said no... don't do it. Just get used to the patient. But.. she had documented that I had NOT done the laundry but I had. The only thing I had not washed was the woman's heating blanket. I found 2 others besides the one she had on her bed that were clean so she did not need it right away and did not want to ruin it. Had not washed anything like this ever but again, this caregiver wrote I had not done the laundry... I had not done the dishes and had not gotten the dog fresh water. I asked her how she knew I had not gotten the dog fresh water? she said, "because there is dog food in the water". Well... The dog could have done THAT in the last few minutes to the last few hours. Dog was always doing that. And yes... I had washed all the dishes except left some out on the kitchen countertop because not sure where they go! Asked this aide to show me so then I would put them in the right place and she would not have to look for them. Agencies and their caregivers? It is a mess
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I consider respite relief for the caregiver. I also consider someone who would work by the hour should be working during an hour paid - not sitting at a table doing homework, talking on their phone, or on the internet. I think the agency(s) you are in contact with are sending 'sitters' who come and just sit quietly with a patient.

I think you need to hire some hourly employees (yes, contract or actual employees where you will take taxes out of the pay check or send them a 1099 at end of the year). I'm thinking more of a housekeeper who will do chores and assist with dad as needed (which appears not to involve a lot of time if current people have enough time to do homework). You will actually pay a private housekeeper less than through an agency because agency gets their cut plus the employee pay.

In the interview process, have a list of things mom needs help with and include X hrs a day to help dad with X and X tasks. If this person is hired for 8 hrs a day, then they should be working 8 hrs...not sitting. Go over the chore list and ask if that is a problem. Have prospective employee sign the chore list after reviewing to indicate it was reviewed with them and they agreed to the list. Ask around the neighborhood - very possible there is someone quite close by to come in a few hours several times a week to help mom out.
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Respite Care is just that - care to help out a caregiver. It can include companionship, health care needs related to the clients (not medications), and light housekeeping. You are doing the right thing to let the agencies know exactly the care required.

If any caregiver does not comply with stated care:
1 - Show them the list of tasks and the expected time they should be completed.
2 - Remind them that this is what they are hired to do.
3 - Remind them that if they do not do the stated work, you will call their agency.
4 - Call their agency if they do not do the work.

We are very thankful for my MIL's 2 caregivers. They take care of all her needs while she lives in her condo in HI, her home state. We (live in FL) would care for her, but she refuses to leave and my BIL (lives in CA) is in charge of her care.
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I understand where you are coming from. I am sorry that keeps happening to you. I have seen and heard of this trend happening over and over for years with Caregivers. And, no, that is not the norm of sincere qualified Caregivers to do. They no better than that and they have been trained. It's just slackness and uncaring and taking advantage of you and your family and the situation. If they don't work they should not get paid for it. The home care agencies need to do something and not just apologize, because it is not solving the problem. And with that being said, they need to first ask the client is it okay to bring school homework to the job, but not work from another job. One more thing, do you have a camera in your home? If you can afford to put one in your home to record the activities of the Caregivers for evidence for the home care agency to see. Most clients that I work with have cameras up in their homes.
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I went through the same pattern with hiring someone to help our my 85 year old Grandpa...Went through maybe 4 or 5 people... they wanted to do as little as possible & get paid as much as possible...They acted as if they were doing a favor, rather than getting paid to do a job. I told the agencies, complained & suggested solutions to the workers and they made no effort whatsoever. I went over & over in my mind...i know every problem has solutions. Its only a matter of finding the most practical solution. First I developed a big form ..Tasks written by room..And meals/snacks/lilquids written on another form by time of day. Then I made 20 copies of each. I went onto a site i found online ,,,care.com. I put an ad for a housekeeper/caretaker. ( just the word housekeeper helps...caretaker implies to some that they just have to sit & make sure the elderly person is 'safe' smh!) I asked for one or two references for people the applicant had worked for previously . I did call the references with a list (yep another one:) of questions: eg. how long did the lady work for you? what tasks did she perform? was she prompt & reliable? If they can't give a reference you can speak to forget it.
The second lady that I hired I explained I would stay with her the first day & show her what needed to be done. I also highlighted which of the tasks on my 'to do 'list needed to be completed that day. And had her initial when it was done. Also, I had her set the alarm on the stove so she would prepare the meals for my Grandpa on time. She was fine with it. Told me she appreciated knowing what was expected of her.
Its been 3 months now, I have her go to Grandpas 3 days most weeks and she's sticking to the routine. She takes a pic of the completed task list with her initials & texts it to me before she leaves.
When I was in the deep south, an old lady told me "the way you start is the way you end". Ive found that little piece of wisdom very valuable SUMMARY You might consider: Setting a clear written and spoken structure/expectation from the beginning
Request a Housekeeper, not a caretaker. ( ads of housekeepers list if they offer caring for elderly also)
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my2cents May 2021
You are right with your adage. Too many people hire, allow a certain behavior to start - don't say anything. The first time you don't correct it, it becomes acceptable. Later, they complain about the employee. In all actuality, they aren't bad employees - you were a bad employer for allowing it to start in the beginning. They rose to the level of your expectation. Your expectation was too low.
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I’m not sure what you mean by respite care versus home help caregivers. We hired Visiting Angels to help my parents. I met with the manager of the franchise and parents to discuss expectations and what they could or could not do. This included assisting Dad in and out of bed, dressing, light housekeeping, laundry, meals, and laundry.

With a few exceptions each aide sent to the house did a good job. One was sent packing by dad because he didn’t like her, one was dismissed by me because she was too small and old to physically handle dad. The only thing they wouldn’t do was scrub the kitchen floor on their knees which really bugged mom!
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I had care givers for my husband, for a short time, until he passed away. She was recommended to me br the rehab center/nursing facility. She often did private care for patients in nursing care. Are had another caregiver that worked for her. She only took one or two patients at a time. She herself could not handle my husband, physically, because he was dead weight, so the caregiver that worked for her and her sister, who also did private caregiving, took turns caring floral my husband. They were only required to stay with him, bathe & change him, turn him and feed him and keep him hydrated. If they saw me changing or fixing my bed they offered to help. They fixed things fir my husband to eat. Other than that they just stayed by his side and watched tv with him. It was fine because I knew his needs were being met.
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I'll give you some tips since I worked as a scheduler for CNAs. They in general, do not do housework. They may cook a meal or two but are caregivers not maids. There is also a conflict with helping your Mom or Dad but not both, unless you pay for both to be helped. So you'll need to decide what you need help with. It needs to be very specific. Feet soaking, showering, feeding, changing clothes, sponge bathing, walking aid. If your Mom needs help making beds or dishes, she needs merry maids not CNAs. And by all means, you can send someone home immediately if not right for your needs.
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That is unacceptable! My number one rule in my house is STAY OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. They are there to give the patient their undivided attention. Just keep trying different caregivers. There are good ones out there. Don't settle for less. Good luck.
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BurntCaregiver May 2021
Burnoutgirl,

Have you ever done in-home elder care or companionship work? I can tell you from almost 25 years in this field that 90% of the time it's like watching paint dry.
We are not circus performers who can keep the entertainment lively and engaging hour after hour on an assignment. A cellphone or a book is likely to come out at some point. I've found that many clients don't want to have to engage with their caregiver hour after hour.
The good caregiver who knows their clients also knows when to get lost for a bit while still being in the house making sure the client is safe.
I wouldn't complain too much about seeing a cellphone or a book come out on the job. Not if you've got a caregiver who gets along with their elderly client and works well with them. One who gets the all the work done. One that's trustworthy and isn't ripping off your elderly loved one with dementia.
If you expect hour after hour of undivided attention and entertainment for your elderly loved one, a caregiver/companion won't meet your needs.
Maybe hit up the Cirque de Soleil and see if any of their acts do private in-home performances when they're not on tour.
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Imho, perhaps you hired the wrong kind of care.
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Visiting angels managers are very knowledgeable in all areas of elderly care.
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BurntCaregiver May 2021
Rebmike,

On my last long-term care assignment, the couple had Visiting Angels before they hired me privately. Visiting Angels is the reason why they hired private care.
Not only did their "angels" rob these poor people blind, they also really neglected the client they were supposed to be caring for.
She used a walker and one of the angels was taking her for a walk outside. The dementia client with mobility issues was on her walker 20 feet in front of the angel, while the angel walked along looking at her phone screen. The client was seriously injured because she fell. Then Visiting Angels were fired.
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I have always had the best luck asking everyone if they can recommend someone. This includes neighbors, family doctor’s staff, clerks who always do a good job in stores, people you know at work, church members... I think you are better off asking staff rather than professionals. Any one who has a good work ethic is a good bet to know others. It is a hard problem. But ask anyone you can think of. Just pay attention to enthusiastic recommendations. If there is a support group in your area for caretaking family members, they will have dealt with this. And, sadly, good people become available frequently. It is the nature of the work for a good job to end.
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I am a caregiver for a local senior caregiver company and this does not sound right.
The first priority is the client, greeting them, feeding them, doing some laundry, cleaning up after making them their meal. If the floor needs swept that is part of the job, some vacuuming if needed, wipe down counters, wash, and put away dishes. Play cards, puzzles, take groc shopping, or for short ride to just get out. Mostly to be a companion to the person being hired for. If working a night shift some allow you to sleep and check up on client, or not, in that case might be acceptible to bring a book if accepted to stay awake while client is sleeping. Taking short walks, in neighborhood or backyard is something to do with person. making sure they have a snack and meal from when you leave, and date food. Sometimes clean out the fridge of old leftovers. Caregivers should not be bringing over homework, other clients work, be on the phone for long period of time, in fact only if absolutely necessary. I can't believe you are having trouble with so many of the Caregivers. The women i work with are loyal, dedicated, and willing to go the extra mile, they really spend time trying to improve the clients day. Maybe tell your mom to make it clear what she needs done, to leave for a break or errands. Sorry you are having a bad time. Please don't let this go on much longer. Bonnie
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BurntCaregiver May 2021
Bonniewelbaum,

It depends on what the care assignment is. If a person is on a case that's say four hours and there's really only two hours worth of work and entertainment, what's the worker supposed to do?
Everyone hiring in-home help should make a list of exactly what they want then discuss it with the worker to see if it's within their job description. Also include whatever places they may take the client to, if the client can still be taken out.
This is so very rarely something a caregiver/companion ever gets when they take an assignment. The care agencies they work for normally don't bother with this either.
Back before I went into business for myself, I worked for care agencies. They'd assign me a client and I'd go to their home. I can't tell you how many clients and their families expected full housekeeping (for everyone living in the house) including heavy chore duty, along with hands-on care for their senior while keeping them entertained at the same time. This happens all the time because families are not properly informed on what to expect from a caregiver and caregivers are not informed on what their actual duties are.
In private care the pay is good. Clients will get a lot more of 'going the extra mile' for them because the extra mile is paid for.
Care agencies don't pay well. If the help is paid minimum clients and families should not be surprised if they get minimum effort from a worker.
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I wish I knew the answers but you are most likely right. I live in assisted living and while I am l00% high functioning and the care of myself completely (I can't walk), some aides are wonderful but quite a few (too many) don't want to do a darn thing and are annoyed if they are put in a position where they have to do something. They don't even speak to say hello - nothing. It is a problem with many caretakers and I wish I knew the answer. You must make it very, very clear when they are initially interviewed and hired the they will have xyzy duties and they will have to tend to them. Then you have the basis for making them do their jobs. You might also draw up some kind of agreement and have them sign it. And just keep looking - sooner or later you might be lucky.
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BurntCaregiver May 2021
Riley2166,

Some people don't have warm personalities and they're not overly friendly. That doesn't mean they don't care and won't do right by a person.
I'm not a warm and friendly type myself. I've always gotten along with most of the senior clients I work for. Once I've been with them for a while, the clients and their families know they can trust and depend on me. They don't have to worry when their elderly loved one is in my care.
Peace of mind is worth more than some aide saying hello to a person when she walks by.
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RESPITE CARE MEANS THAT THE MAIN CAREGIVER NEEDS A BREAK FROM ALL THAT SHE HAS TO DO...JUST SO SHE CAN LIE DOWN AND TAKE A NAP OR SHE CAN GO SHOPPING OR GO GET HER HAIR CUT AND STYLED. MEANWHILE, THE PAID CAREGIVER IS SUPPOSED TO STEP IN AND DO THE ROUTINE LIST OF LIGHT CHORES THAT THE SPOUSE WOULD HAVE DONE.
RUN THE VACUUM THE CARPET IN ALL THE ROOMS THAT ARE BEING USED, MAYBE WET MOP THE KITCHEN AND BATHROOM FLOORS, CLEAN THE BATHROOM SINK AND SWISH THE TOILET BOWL WITH THE BRUSH, WASH ANY DIRTY DISHES LEFT FROM THE PREVIOUS MEAL, CHECK ON THE PATIENT EVERY HOUR, OFFER THEM SOMETHING TO DRINK, OR MAYBE FIX THEM A SNACK, ASSIST THEM WITH THEIR FOOD, ASSIST THEM, IF NEEDED, TO THE BATHROOM, WASH THEIR BACK BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE ARE NOT ABLE TO DO THAT.
IF THE RESPITE CARE PEOPLE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING BUT SITTING, THEY NEED TO BE WARNED PERSONALLY THAT THEY WILL BE FIRED FOR NOT COMPLYING.
YOU NEED TO COMPLAIN TO THE INSURANCE PROVIDER, IF HER MEDICAID OR MEDICARE IS HELPING TO PAY FOR THIS SERVICE. IF YOU ARE A PRIVATE PAY FOR THE CAREGIVER SERVICE, THEN CHECK ON CHRISTIAN CAREGIVER SERVICES.
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Cookie2020 May 2021
Please don’t post in all caps. It’s actually more difficult to read. Thank you.
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Sounds like you would be better off hiring a maid once a week and hire a individual Caregiver instead of going thru a company as you pay a lot going thru a Company and they just pay a little over minimum wage to the Caregiver.
You might even order lunch or Dinner a few times a week.

Start buying microwaveable meals, easy to fix and not much clean up.

Order groceries delivered.

Mare sure when you have a Caregiver there, at least once a week treat yourself, take a nice soak in the tub, go out to eat with a friend, get a massage, get a manicure or pedi
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We hired our caregiver. you can post a job description and interview candidates for your parents. It works out for us.
Good luck.
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We have 24/7 care for my parents. We have a couple of awesome caregivers and some that do as little as possible and cannot cook. My sister has had many conversations with the agency about expectations. Unfortunately, none of us live nearby since they reside in an area that is prohibitavely expensive. My observation while I visit is that many are on their cell phones, while others work harder at meal prep, laundry, etc. My parents are difficult, it sounds like your mom is nice. Because dementia is part of our equation, we can't do anything less than 24/7 care.

Does your mom need help with care activities for your dad? Showering, toileting, etc? If not, what about hiring a housekeeper that does laundry and cleans the house? Maybe shorten the shift for caregiver needs?

I'm doing a 4 hour caregiver shift (which is not an agency) this summer. My duties are specified; meals, laundry, bed-making, showering assistance, housekeeping, etc. I teach so I'm off during the summer which is why I'm caregiving right now.

Not sure if this helps, but your frustrations are felt by many. You're not alone. My sister keeps insisting that the caregivers do their job. The agency finally sent one of their best, which was wonderful. My dad was happier when the food improved.
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It breaks my heart, to hear that these “caregivers” (hello people, the word “CARE” is in your title) would do nothing but their own stuff.

Unbelievable!! As a professional caregiver myself, what you have experienced, is appalling!!

Your lists, are standard ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living).

Do you have a company called “Home Care Assistance” in your area. That’s who I work for. Try them?

If they lived in your area, I would be over, in a heartbeat!!

I have no answers, other than keep trying other companies & fire the “caregivers” that don’t do anything.

Best of luck.
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You are definitely talking to the wrong Service. Not one I know of would allow that kind of "help" in their employees.

Have you tried putting your parents into respite care at a local Assisted Living/Senior facility. I know many of them offer a week or sometimes more care. It not only gives them a chance to see what these facilities are like, but actually gives you and your mother a complete break from caring for them. You can arrange for them both to have care together. They will also be included in the activities and meals with other residents. That would provide a form of interaction that they don't have in their own home, but Might prove helpful.

If that is not a possibility - Keep looking, There are services that do provide what you need for help. Perhaps what you really need is to hire a good housekeeping service to take care of the chores that are becoming too much for Mom.

Good luck and God Bless.
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Most agencies have a variety of levels of care taking. The more hands-on help needed, the higher the hourly fee. The basic and least expensive level is "companionship," which really just asks the care giver to be in the house. Some individuals will be more engaged or more energetic than others, but most are not.

If you want more hands-on physical or medical care, you might need a CNA or even a nurse. You will pay quite a bit more.for these services.
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if your parents attend a church I would start there for good help, ask if they have a program for what your mom needs. I would also ask friends if they no of anyone.

sounds like your mom needs a caregiver, not respite care. they do background checks and you can even do payroll through them. You will need to invest some time interviewing the candidate and contacting their referrals.
Its important to share what your expectations are right up front.

also, if you have a college near by that has a nursing program you maybe able to hire a student to help, check with the college to see if they have a program like that.

best of luck and prayers for you and your family as you struggle to find the right fit.

btw, where do your parents live?
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Obviously the agencies you have dealt with are offering inadequate staff for your parents needs. Do you need "skilled" care or housekeeping? Its not task effective to mix the two and as you've observed from those previously hired, not well received. Does your father require lifting, or other tasks that would necessitate the employee be insured by the agency? You might consider a "molly maid" or placing an ad for a college student coming in a couple of days a week for helping your mom with domestic duties. In any event, make sure any valuables are in your possession prior to these people coming in/out of your parents home. It is a sad fact that people brought in under the guise to help will sometimes steal from the vulnerable. Advise her to keep her purse and your father's wallet stowed away out of sight or in a locked cabinet. Cherished mementos can be long gone and irretrievable by the time they're missed.
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🙏...Your Mom may need time to relax,recharge and release.😌
I know what it's like hiring someone to come take care of your loved one. I've hired private and through agencies.
Good experience all around thank God.
I shared with the CG that there is a surveillance camera in the house and left a checklist to complete. I was successful with this method.
I now own a on call companion and funeral design service to meet the needs of Loneliness and home going preparation.
The last stages of life should be full of Fun not stressing out all the time. However we can make if happen within the scope of what's in front of us.
We review the contract and if that's not the services needed life moves on.😇

Pray about everything and rejoice in all things.

Youll find that person that fits your needs.

Life really is short.

Love in Christ..👑
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Please try independant workers. Agencies are horrible. They charge an arm and a leg and pay very poorly. Turn over is extensive.
I have been for over 10 years and have helped with 7 families.
Ditch the agencies and interview people on your own
Gold luck
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TouchMatters May 2021
While I am an ind care mgr., it is important that people know the pros and cons of hiring directly. There is no insurance if a person falls, there is no worker's comp. A 'direct hire' may ask you to pay for an injury caused while in your employ.

You, as the hiring party, may be required to pay taxes.
This is absolutely NO excuse for hiring through an agency that provides inadequate caregivers.
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This problem is why I really insisted that my in-laws move to assisted living facility. They were both still ambulatory but she had ALZ dementia and he was showing signs of vascular dementia. They needed supervision and help in the house since they were no longer cooking or really doing any household tasks. My husband's sisters wanted them to have in home caregivers since they said it would "kill them" to move. They needed 24 hour supervision at that point, not really hands on care. My DH and I lived near my in-laws, their other 2 children lived in California (we are in IL). I offered to find them the names of agencies they could hire but indicated that I would not do any supervision of the agencies nor would I step in when they did not show up. I advised that they could install cameras to monitor what we happening. They did not pursue this of course. As a retired nurse, I am well aware of the issues involved in hiring and monitoring home care providers and I know I was not willing to do that, especially since my inlaws fortunately had the means to pay for a facility.
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A sitter does NO hands on care.
A certified nurse's assistant (CNA) does hands-on care.
There is a difference, and hiring a CNA costs a lot more because they do a lot more.

If you hire someone off the street, realize the liability if they claim to get injured in your home they can sue your estate. If they earn a certain amount you become their legal employer and you are responsible for their taxes "Nanny Tax".
Read more about the Nanny Tax here: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/n/nanny-tax.asp

Be aware some companies like "Granny Nannies" do not insure their workers, and they also do not take out their worker's taxes. That is why they cost a lot less.

Whatever agency used, MAKE CERTAIN and see it in WRITING the workers are covered by Workman's Compensation.

Here is an example where Granny Nannies was sued as one of their caregivers allegedly bilked $140,000 from a 92 year old.
https://www.businesstrialgroup.com/news/btg-sues-granny-nannies/

Around the clock care is VERY expensive. That is why Medicaid only pays for nursing homes; they average about $85,000 to $95,000 a year per patient for all their services, and that is a LOT cheaper than home care.
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TouchMatters May 2021
Employees from agencies are not 'sitters.' At least I have no knowledge of this role or job description.
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One its not respite care, that is when you need a total work while you go away and take a complete break. We had great helpers with my mom and the worst helpers with mom. If mom slept I did not care what they did as long as mom was fed, cleaned and her needs were taken care of dishes were cleaned and they cleaned up after themselves. We hired a cleaning company for two times a month. I did laundry because I knew somewhere in that unfinished basement lurked a large black snake. No one believed me until my son was visiting my parents and I was downstairs heading to the chair lift with a load of wash and saw him on a box by the lift. My son took the snake out. After that I allowed them to do laundry. My mom has passed and now my care for dad. I have done it all since covid started. I now want to get away for a long weekend in August. I have decided when I call to set up care I want a CNA for dad (he is 270 lbs) Dad needs help getting from wheelchair to lift and vise versa. Everything else is easy. Dad’s mind is sharp. When I hire someone I want someone experienced not a new hire off the street, a person to cook easy meals. Assist dad if needed to stand and use the urinal(he rarely needs help with that but does if his bowels give way). I make sure there are disposable pads on his chair in case that happens. Easy clean up, Like the original poster from what I saw with my moms care I am concerned if I will get a good reliable person.
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