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she has stopped using t.p., for its' intended purpose. she is using her hands instead. and she refuses to wash them. i asked her if she is having problems with the tp holder or if she is having issues with her bowel movements and she won't answer. this has been going on for about a month or so. if i am not in the vicinity of the bathroom (sometimes i am sleeping) when she is finished, the walk back to her bathroom gets filthy. she somehow manages to touch every surface top to bottom - side to side. she will not wash her hands. wipes don't really do the job for her fingertips and nails. it gets into the cracks of her hands, on her face, her clothes, everything. it's almost as if she is playing with it - yikes! i'm kind of falling apart, she acts like there isn't a problem or like she doesn't see it.
ideas anyone?

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As you've already noticed, your Mother cannot manage toileting independantly anymore. Supervision, prompting and assistance is now required.

It may be a good time to reassess how many caregivers are in your team now. The care needs going forwards are only going to increase. Are more eyes & hands needed?

Some new strategies & equipment may be useful too. For now: putting a bell on the bathroom door to alert you.
Later on: bedside commode.

PS I certainly feel for you. Code Brown clean-ups re best done with a walk in shower, a shower hose & a team. It's hard to do solo.
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You may want to consider disposable incontinent briefs only in combination with anti-strip clothing so that she cannot take off those undies at night.

https://www.silverts.com/all-adaptive/pants/alzheimer-s-jumpsuits
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You can’t. Her mind can’t remember to do things she’s done all her life. Nor is she able to retain anything you repeat to her. You need aides if you want to keep her home.
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