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My mom came to live with me & my husband about six months ago. We had a chairlift installed about two months ago due to her bedroom being upstairs. I now realize the bathroom upstairs is way too small for what she needs. Next week we are having our half bath downstairs enlarged and updated with a curbless shower with the toilet & sink moved so she can freely use her walker in the bathroom. This will give my mom and I more room to move around. We also decided to make our family room (1st floor) her bedroom. I’m worried about her being able to open the door and move freely downstairs  potentially hurting herself. The door in her current room sticks so I close it tight to ensure she can’t get out at night. Any suggestions on what to do about her door when she moves downstairs?

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You are dealing with dementia here, and the behaviors that go along with it.........which can become SO overwhelming that in home care gets to be impossible. You are renovating your home, more or less, to suit your mother's needs of the moment, which will continue to change with time as the disease progresses. Do you intend to turn your home into a nursing home in the process of trying to care for your mother? I don't mean that to sound snarky, but to get you to think! You're installing chairlifts, expanding bathrooms and now turning a family room into her bedroom, meaning the chair lift was installed for nothing. And the first floor of your home will now become mother's domain, for the most part.

Dementia is a HUGE matter to deal with, and roaming is only one issue of many. You'll have to install locks on the doors leading outside of the house, and in a high spot where your mother can't reach them, in order to prevent her from getting out. You won't be able to prevent her from roaming around the house, however, as night time restlessness & insomnia are common with moderate dementia and beyond. It's important to lock up the chemicals, put child proof locks on cabinets, and think about taking knobs off of the stove and things like that, if she's interested in cooking. You do not want her putting a pot on the stove at 2 am and forgetting about it...........

What you can't do is lock your mother into her room at night; that's against the law. You can only lock the exterior doors of the house to stop her from getting outside. If there was a fire, she'd need to be able to get out of her room, albeit why nobody can be locked inside their rooms at night.

You may want to call in the services of an Occupational Therapist to get advice on making your home safe for your mother to live there. You can also call her PCP for guidance on getting an OT assessment for your home, before you spend a lot of money renovating.

Here is a link to a good 33 page booklet on dementia you may want to read to see what lies ahead:

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

You may be in over your head with your mother; if so, look into Memory Care Assisted Living for her. My mother was in MC for nearly 3 years (Assisted Living for 5 years prior to MC) and was very well cared for by a team of attentive and loving people.

Best of luck with all you have going on.
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Katefalc Jun 2022
The safety caps that go over the door knobs can be purchased at babies r us or on line. They make it nearly impossible to open an exterior or basement door. Also blink cameras in the home are useful. They are motion sensitive and send alerts to your phone
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First, you need to take your mom to a primary care doctor who specializes in geriatrics and a neurologist to get a diagnose on your mom. The neurologist will order MRI on the brain plus ask her questions to see if she can answer them correctly. The MRI report will tell the neurologist exactly what is going on with your moms’ brain. My mom was continuously going to the bathroom constantly (25 to 30 times) but not going most of the time flushing constantly going through toilet paper like crazy too. Eventually my mom started flushing her underwear in the toilet which caused expensive plumbing problems. At nighttime, my mom would sneak out of the bedroom constantly to a point I was afraid she was going to fall down the stairs. I put mini-Christmas wreaths doorknob bells on the doorknobs so I could hear the doors open in the evenings. My mom continuously wanted to check the mailbox all throughout the day too. Asking me about 10 to 15 times daily even on Sundays too! Eventually, I realized my mom needed to be put on behavior medication to stop all this or I was not going to be able to care for her. I told my primary care doctor everything my mom was doing. He put her on Sertraline (Zoloft) to stop all the OCD and anxiety plus put her on Trazadone to stop all the wondering around she slept better on the Trazadone too She would take the Trazadone once in the morning and evening. The Sertraline only once a day. Within 24 to 48 hours of being on both medications my mom had stopped the wondering in the evenings/daytime, the bathroom trips got back to normal, asking about the mail twenty times a day completely stopped, plus I was able to take care of her without getting stressed out. I bought a portable toilet for her bedroom, so she did not have to go down the hall to get to the bathroom in the evenings plus one for the downstairs bathroom too! What happens is they start doing crazy things because of the dementia disease. My mom would throw her toilet paper behind the toilet plus leave the bathroom facet running for hours until I found it. I have been watching my mom for almost 4 years. The disease will progress, and the medication will have to be increased over time. The doctor & neurologist usually work together to produce a plan of care for your mom. The primary care doctor is the one who writes the prescriptions. I always ask for 90-day prescriptions to avoid running to the pharmacy so often. I recommend you protecting the mattress your mom sleeps on because eventually she will start wetting the bed at nighttime. You need to let your neighbors know about your mother especially if she walks out the door wondering around in the evenings or daytime. I would put my mom’s shoes and slipper in my bedroom because I knew she would not go outside barefoot. Lastly, my mom’s idea of bathing was splashing water on herself and not using soap at all. You must supervise them closely until you get her on some behavior medication. You mom will need to be monitor closely because Alzheimer / Dementia is a disease that changes constantly. The minute you think everything is fine they will do something which will make you realize there is really something wrong with her brain. I am not trying to scare you, but your mom will need to be supervised day and night. In the beginning, I could take my mom with me to run errands. I have not done that for over 2 1/2 years. The reason I decided to be the caregiver is because my dad was in assisting living facility (2) and a Nursing home for 10 1/2 years which cost close to 1.5 million dollars. We were lucky because my dad received two pension checks, social security, and had life insurance plus the house too. This has been one learning experience for myself. You seem like you're a wonderful daughter who really cares for her mom. If you have any additional questions, please ask.
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Justretired99 Jun 2022
Thank you for your advice, but my Mom see’s her primary doctor, a OBGYN that specializes in elder care and has an appointment with her neurologist in September. I assist her in her daily bath and all her meals are taken care of. My sister takes her to all her doctor’s appointments and we discuss her meds and changes on a daily bases. My husband is also extremely helpful with taking care of my Mom.

I’m not sure what gave everyone the impression that I’m alone and making all these decisions on my on. I have family support in and out of my home and I also get out with my husband for rest and relaxation.
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There are door alarms. Some look like an old fashioned door stop, wedge shaped. When you place it by the door when the door opens the top of the wedge is depressed causing an alarm to go off.
This could be use at the doors going outside OR you could use it at the door to her room. either way you would be alerted if the door was opened.
There are bed alarms that would go off if she moves around in bed. (That is the problem with those, they go off easily)
There are floor alarms. A mat that will be placed on the floor by the bed. When she places pressure on it the alarm will go off alerting you to the fact that she is getting out of bed.
You might also consider a camera for her room. the right one you will get a notice on your phone if there is movement.
A baby monitor would do the same thing as well.
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Perhaps a night shift caretaker can be hired to protect her and ease your worries? Visiting Angels or the Care Advisor here.
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Justretired99: Perhaps all of these modifications that you are doing to your home will not be enough as your mother's dementia progresses.
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Justretired99 Jun 2022
The modifications aren’t just for my mom. Adding a walk in shower will give me the room to help her in the shower and my family room is bigger than the bedroom she’s in.
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If she is having sleep problems, please notify her doctor. A sleep specialist or her usual primary care provider can prescribe medications that help her to fall asleep and/or stay asleep,
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Secure the door. Make it impossible for her to wonder. I did that in my house and now there is no way my mother can get hurt, leave or wreck havoc in the rest of my house.
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lealonnie1 Jun 2022
Hopefully you did not lock your mother into her room.
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Does your mother wander at night, actually?

What are the risks that you're concerned about? I.e. how might she "potentially hurt herself"?

I don't know what the relevant legislation is where you live, so I don't know if Lealonnie is correct about your state, but I can confirm that what you are currently doing (jamming the door tight) and apparently considering (locking or securing her new bedroom door) is termed a Deprivation of Liberty, and where I live (the UK) is illegal if not formally applied for and endorsed. New legislation now makes this so in family homes as well as in residential care.

What I would recommend is that you ask an Occupational Therapist with experience in dementia settings to come and do an assessment.

It isn't that anybody *wants* vulnerable elders with dementia catching a bus or chucking themselves down the stairs or setting fire to the kitchen at four in the morning; but there are ways and ways of making their environment safe and locking them in ain't one of them. An OT will be your best guide to all the possible options.
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lealonnie1 Jun 2022
Nowhere do I know of is it legal to lock an elder into their bedroom at night unless a caregiver or another person is locked in there WITH them. And, even if the OP were to find it is 'legal' to do so, it's a heartless thing to do, in my opinion.
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Thank you everyone for your advice. All the modifications I’m making to my home will not just help my mom but will give me the space I need to care for her. My home has always had alarms on all the doors, so if she was to open the door to go out the system will go off. Iv’e added a camera to her room (live streams).

No need in telling me about the laws or fires because that was not my question, but thank you and i will not take your advice. I will however, find a device that will not allow my mom to exit her room at night during bed time. After all I don’t want her to start a fire from cooking.

As my Mom’s dementia progresses I will hire someone around the clock. Right now i have someone part-time.
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Fawnby Jun 2022
You make it seem so easy, but it won’t be. First of all, these preparations assume that you’ll be okay throughout. Every caregiver goes through subtle and not so subtle changes herself. Things that wouldn’t have upset you in the past may make you question everything about what you thought before. For instance, when I was taking care of dad, I was sure I could handle it all just fine and to the outside world, I did. But every day was so stressful that I was grinding my teeth at night resulting in a broken tooth so that I had to scramble to get dad taken care of so I could get to a dentist. His doctor appointments, so many of them and only me to drive him. Struggling to get someone to stay with him and take him to the bathroom so I could get out for an hour to buy food for us and all the visitors who came to see him and ate the food I planned to feed us. Getting an overnight CNA who cooked her food during my sleep and the foreign food odors woke me up. My diverticulitis acting up due to stress so a lot of pain. None of this is unusual, which is why I recommend when a patient gets to your mom’s stage, she needs to be in a care facility with professionals to care for her.
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My sister used childproof door knobs covers that were difficult to maneuver. The door knobs covers only spun unless you figured out how to grasp them to actually turn the knob. Unfortunately, eventually a very smart love one will figure out how to get it to work. But it may be worth trying.
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