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person may flush between actual dumping then will wipe using the cold water in toilet while still sitting. Then pull up clothes and wipe hands on clothes then wash hands in sink. The wet hands from toilet gets on floor and nearby wall. The smell after each episode is so bad that I have to sanitize the bathroom each time after their use. Due to body functions we use pull ups and check them each time to ensure that they are clean. However some times I don’t check because of the anxiety level patient is exhibiting. I have thought about a bidet but know patient would not use it. Cognitive skills are not always good. She can still walk and talk but reasoning and decision making is not good.

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Sorry for what you are going thru. I hated toileting my Mom. But when she could not do it anymore for herself, I did it. Better than cleaning up her messes. If her care is getting too much for you, it might be the time to place her. See an elder lawyer about splitting your assets in case Medicaid is ever needed.

Bowls of vinegar help with smells.
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It sounds as though you are leaving her to complete her toileting on her own, I think it's time to stay by her side and take over control of what happens in the bathroom.
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You can try giving her something to hold while toileting her but at this point she needs 100% supervision.
(You could try a commode or placing a commode bucket in/on/over the toilet so there is no water but the fecal matter will still be within reach. But the commode opening is not as large as a toilet so maybe she could not reach)
The other option is to begin changing her in bed and again give her something to hold on to.
This will get more difficult before it gets easier (when she becomes bedbound)
It might be time to consider placing her in Memory Care
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Your wife needs full time care at home or Memory Care Assisted Living now. She's not capable of toileting herself anymore, period. Realize that and take the appropriate steps to remedy this situation.

Good luck to you.
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A bidet is unlikely to be of benefit because she won’t understand what it is or how to use it.

The situation you describe is one of those where it’s time to find a care facility where they have professionals who are trained to care for such patients.
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This person is obviously past the time that they should be toileting themselves. Whoever is caring for them needs to go in with them and make sure they're being wiped properly(by the caregiver)and not allowed to spread who knows what from their poop hands. Plus not being cleaned properly can lead to UTI's as well.
And it will save you from having to sanitize your bathroom after each time, if the caregiver just does it for this person. It will be a win win for all involved.
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You could try giving her something to hold with both hands so she is occupied during the wiping (like a book, or an object that she likes) and you will now need to do all the wiping.

You say she already uses disposable undies so maybe it's time to give up the actual toilet routine?
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