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My mother, 86, chronic gambler, regularly waking me up in the AM on work nights, after coming home from 10 hour gambling stints, and driving on suspended license. I was staying with her, off and on, because my ranch is 300miles+ away. She constantly asks for help, migrant, cannot read/write English. As an only child, I have been running my parents' paperwork since childhood. She is my adoptive mother, and I've documented with a govt body, what my parents put me through, including my father grabbing the breasts of my friend at my 21st in front of others, and my mother falsely accusing me of everything under the sun including that I was a "prostitute" and that I faked my university degree. Financial abuse also.



After being abruptly awoken by her 2 years back (AM), after I had been asleep for 3 hours, I yelled at her about the gambling. I did not touch mum, and then she reported me to the police. She got me kicked out of her home, and I had to pack 15 boxes overnight. This is after years of threats, "i'll kick you out".



Prior to this, mum was opening the door of my work-area/bedroom, when I was there for 2 weeks, and she started yelling at me in work meetings and when I was with my psychology clients, and I was reprimanded by my manager (email). Ultimately, I then got fired, for the first time in my life.



My mum will never ever come to you, you need to go to her. I've spent over 3 decades driving to them, all on my petrol when I always lived in a remote area. You need millions to buy a home where mum is.



Then my mum had her neighbour text me, to try and make contact, and a letter saying "sorry" and begging me to "please come back now, I need you to do things for me". I could not bare going back, so I didn't for 7 months.



During this time, I was maliciously prosecuted by police, and this was in reaction to the ongoing complaints I made to them about my removal from mum's place, as the police removed me but due to my mum's poor English, she didn't understand the conditions of 1 yr exclusion. The police then tampered with "text message" evidence, as confirmed by a certified expert witness, and tried to take me for 28 yrs of "fake" crimes. The Magistrate threw it out of court and I got all my legal fees paid back, and I'm currently taking civil action against police. My mum did nothing to try and stop the charges, despite having relayed to her through a 3rd party, that one police said she could go to police and talk with them. Mum was more than happy to say "come back, I need your help", but did NOTHING to try and save me from these fake charges....



What I suffered was: suicidality, full breakdown; loss of job etc. I am 2 years behind, and I live on 2 hectares. Currently, if I don't find work I could lose my home. Any compensation would not come through for 6 month. I'm single, never married.



I also developed type 1 diabetes, autoimmune type, specialist said "Stress" triggered this.



About 6 weeks ago, I spoke to 2 of mum's best friends of 45 years, they too have become disgusted with mum, and these 2 ladies support me.



They said to me "you have been taken off your mother's will and your son (my mum's only grandchild) has been placed there instead", with 1 cousin and her husband now a POA and executor of the will. They also said that the cousins had now infiltrated the home, in so far as the cousin was taking mum's keys for days at a time, while in hospital, entering the family home. POA, had nearly 2 decades of alienation from mum up to recently.



Mum's recent hospital stay: POA (cousins) offered limited support (pay bills/shopping).



Myself I went back and did the 24/7, for 2 months.



My mum though, keeps making constant threats, "i'll kick you out", "i'll send you away", every 2-3 days now. This is DIRECTLY after I refuse an unrealistic demand to do something "immediately" after I've already helped that day for hours, never if we are fighting. I'm getting sick again and 700miles driving each week.

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I hope if you have a question for us you will post it. I am sorry for your woes, but as long as you choose to make 700 mile trips every time Mom tells you that she "needs you to do things" for her, I don't know what help anyone can be to you.

The Diabetes type 1 is genetic, and not caused by stress, tho stress certainly DOES exacerbate any illnesses we have. Life is full of stress, and that's why we have to take charge of clearing out all the stress we are able from our lives. Only you can make those choices for yourself.

Immigrant communities usually have excellent resources, but few know how to access them. I would try this AARP hotline for volunteer advice for your area. It is 888-281-0145. They will ask for a callback time that works for you, and ask what area you live in. A volunteer will then call you to let you know if they have any community resource local services and organizations they can refer either you, or Mom and you to.

Best of luck. Take care of yourself.
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The worst part of this story is that you are now continuing to see and help your mother. After what she did you should have 100% wrote her off.
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funkygrandma59 Jun 2023
I mean really....WTF??? I will NEVER understand why some people keep going back for more abuse. The OP needs to get the hell out of there and never look back.
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Please go no contact with your mum. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose if you continue to cater to this malevolent person.

Is it okay if you die of these serious health issues which are exacerbated by your mother?

You owe her nothing. NOTHING. Save yourself.
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Do you have a death wish or some reason you keep asking for more pain and suffering to be doled out to you by your incredibly mean "mum"? Save your petrol, your stomach, your anxiety and your health by choosing to go no contact with such a toxic person, once and for all. Therapy is also a good idea to find out why you feel her life is more important than YOURS? Why are you allowing yourself to get sick again driving 700 miles each week to tend to this woman who treats you this way? Ask yourself that question. She may have rescued you as a child via the (only child) adoption, as I was......but that doesn't make us indentured servants to them for life, no matter HOW badly we're treated. We are entitled to self respect along the way, my friend. We owe that to OURSELVES.

Good luck to you.
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You need to go home and stay there. Find a job. You block her and all her friends, trust no one. I may even drop the suit. If you want, called Adult Protection Services in her County. Tell them ur story. True or False, they should understand that you are not the person who should be taking care of Mom. This should put her on their radar and checking on her from time to time.

Sounds to me Mom adopted u to be her slave. You have to stand up for yourself and break the abuse.
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Are your actions helping your life?
Are your actions fixing your Mum?
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Hi Toni - I am really so sorry to hear what you've endured from your mother. Through your writing, you sound very intelligent - and you've certainly been resilient - so please know that you will get through this...and you're stronger than you realize.

I understand that from all the destruction your mother has caused you, that it's now negatively impacted you financially - and you're trying to rebuild. Could that be the reason that you're staying in contact with her - due to now being in a financial hardship and needing to be in a will? Is there a financial dependence on her because of what she's put you through? I do understand that, if that's the case - but, she sounds like the kind of person who causes more harm than anything else...and also someone you can never trust - so in essence, you need to really think about how having her in your life could be any benefit to you at all at this point.

She is unpredictable and she just sounds so malicious. I hope you are always protective of yourself with her - and if you can at all - stay away from her. If it's just for financial purposes to remain in contact, she's the kind of person who would wind up making matters worse for you in the end anyway.

Wishing you all the very best in rebuilding your life - which you'll be successful with.
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I was really hoping you were getting ready to tell us that you had left your mother to the mercies of the infiltrating cousins and POA....

Oh, Toni. There is a glutton for punishment - and then there is this. And for so many people - THIS comes from years of abuse and conditioning to believe that you deserve this, and that THIS is what SHOULD be happening to you. But it's not. Toni, you do not deserve this. Your mother...and I'm using that term very loosely and very begrudgingly - does not deserve to have you coming back into her life to help her. And just because she adopted you, it does not mean that you owe her anything.

In fact, I'm beginning to think that whomever agreed to let this woman adopt didn't bother to check into her very thoroughly whatsoever, if they signed off on allowing her to adopt a child.

Please stop this madness and get away from her. Find yourself a good therapist who specializes in helping adult children of abuse heal, someone who can help you work through these dichotomous feelings that you have between feeling like you should help your mother (that is a normal "child" reaction) and feeling like you have to protect yourself from your mother (that is NOT a normal "child reaction). She is manipulating you.

You deserve better!! You deserve so much more!!
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I am curious, you have posted before? If so I cannot find it. Your profile only shows one post and search brings up nothing? Did you post under a different name?
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