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My brother is in Wisconsin. He lives here, but will not come back until November. He decided to wait untill they return home to do the many things she needs. She needs help now, not in 4 months. He does not understand how bad things had gotten before he even left. In my oppinion, my brother is a control freak. He thought I called him a liar and hung up on me. I too need support from family members. I never called him a liar, he misunderstood. So much more I could discuss. I’m sure people on this forum are having issues with family members and trying to get support in making decisions about care. I will not wait till November.

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Your post doesn't include an actual question, and you don't give any important details that would be needed for us to give you support and guidance:

How old is your Mother?
What do you mean she's gotten "bad"? Is it a physical/health issue or a cognitive one, or both?
What state do you and your Mother live in?
Do you live in her house or she in yours? Or are you in another type of dwelling?
Does she need help with the upkeep of her home? Is that what's "bad"?
Have you tried calling social services for your county to see if your Mom qualifies for any in-home help?
Why is your brother calling the shots? Is he your Mother's PoA? If not, who is?

Thanks for taking the time to answer the questions!
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Geaton777 Jul 2023
The OP does actually ask a question and wants advice but doesn't provide enough info.
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Caregiving for my father for less than a year in conjunction with my brother ended up destroying me and my brother's relationship forever.

In the end my father is in the best place he can be (assisted living nearby to us) and me and my brother now have our lives back. Gone are the fun nights of Friday night pizza at my brother's house, going to the movies or to a restaurant or spending vacations together at the seaside. At least I still have good memories.

If your mother needs assistance that you or your brother can not give you might want to look into home care services or assisted living.
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Whoever "she" is, clearly brother won't be here to help her. Won't be back until November.

You say he "doesn't know how bad things have gotten."
Neither do we. Could you tell us first who "she" is and second "how bad" things are?

Does your brother being away mean that you are in charge of everything?
If you are unable to do what needs to be done you will have to access care and help in some manner.

Start by filling in your profile to tell us who you are, and who she is. Then tell us in what ways you are currently responsible for her.
We can try then to offer you some help.

Meanwhile know that you will not be controlling the actions of your brother. He is in charge of his own decisions. Fighting with him will make EVERYTHING here just more complicated.
Wishing you the best.
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I am assuming OP was left with mother who is getting worse and needs to discuss care options with brother who won’t be back until November and she is burnt out.
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lisatrevor Jul 2023
It appears the brother is needed to be there physically to help. They should be able to easily discuss care by telephone or email or even a letter. I would send an email detailing what is going on and suggest the options which need to take place asap.
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