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Only one time I watched a caregiver "rip" the disposable briefs off of my mom. She is capable of doing it herself. Pulling them down. You just have to tell her and she can do it. She even does #2 herself. Doesn't wipe very well but they take care of that for her. It's very degrading watching that. She is 89, not an invalid. Just memory issues.
Guess I have to get over it since she is there and I'm not. I guess things could be worse.
And I don't know which topic to choose.

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I would not be emailing the DON at your mother's facility right now unless you have a life threatening issue to discuss! Be happy she's getting changed and cared for and let the little things go, that's my suggestion. If your mother is 'not wiping very well', then she DOES need help with her toileting issues, which she IS getting! There is nothing 'degrading' about getting help in a home where assistance is being paid for. A person doesn't have to be an 'invalid' to require help..........this is precisely why both of our mothers are in Memory Care homes.......because they need lots of help with lots of things.

And yeah, things could be MUCH worse right now, that's for sure. Thank God if there are no virus outbreaks at your mother's place, as there aren't in mine. THAT is what's important right now. Nothing else. Keep perspective.
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Judy79 Mar 2020
I don't care about them helping her. It's what I saw that day. Currently, the DON isn't responding to any of my e-mails,or texts, at all for any reason. I wouldn't even trust her now even if it life threatening. I would only trust just a few people. And right now, she isn't one of them.

If she can't take the pressure then maybe she is in the wrong profession. Just my opinion.

Do you still feel that it was right for her to call me and scold me about me asking about how many briefs were left? I felt that she was wasting a phone call when she should have been taking care of the residents who required her help. Again, my opinion.
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Those tearable pull-ups are a godsend! But yes, there's a but, and I'm glad you've brought it up.

The 'but' is that the person wearing the pull-up is often not even aware that the pull-ups are designed to tear. If you as a caregiver or aide are so used to it you don't take just a moment to explain what you're about to do, you can really alarm the wearer who thinks you are literally ripping his/her clothes off.

Whether or not the person is used to it, it is still important to be sensitive to the fact that you are providing intimate personal care, and although most people do seem to get over the worst embarrassment and stop hating it, it still isn't exactly something they're happy to take for granted.

When the pull-up is clean on that morning, after a wash, not wet and not soiled, then of course it is better to treat it like ordinary underwear, up and down like standard knickers. What the person is able to do for herself, she should be encouraged to do for herself.

So I'm not sure you have to get over everything you saw. A friendly nudge to remind people that this is a person with feelings that they're helping wouldn't hurt anyone.
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Judy79 Mar 2020
Should I mention to them or just let it go? I try to e-mail the DON but she never responds to my e-mails anymore and I don't know why. I understand stress with the new facility and every resident there is different. But she accepted the position of DON,director of nursing.
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My husband has reached 93 years and lately around 5-6 p.m. he has become very forgetful, e.g. do I eat now? When do I take my pills? When do I go to bed? Also he is so sad, cries so easily. I do not know what to do. Otherwise he is great, remembers so much and is capable of doing so much. Should I worry about this? I just take his hand and say I will help you, together we will these these things. When all is done, he just sits and watches TV until it is time for bed. He also worries about forgetting how to do things. I hope you can give me some advice.
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Alicew234 Mar 2020
Elisabetta, you will get more and better responses if you post your question directly. You posted this as a response to another question.

When you open the Caregiver Forum, you will see a blue box which will say "Ask Your Question" and inside is a white box that says "Type your question" Try posting your concern there.

There are many caring people on this site who will help you. Best of luck.
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