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My 79 year old mum recently came to live with us (hubby and me) and I am worried that she is always cold when we find the temperature very warm our house is well insulated and heated at 20.5 degrees. We have turned the heating up to 21/22 degrees but then we feel like there is no air to breathe. Mum has her own space downstairs to sit in if she wishes and also has a halogen heater in her room which she uses and has told us to leave the temperature at 20.5. On the over hand she insists on her bedroom being cool (which I find far too cold to sleep in). I am worried and feel guilty that she is feeling cold when we are comfortably warm. We are both still adjusting to her coming to live with us and sometimes its really hard and I get quite depressed and upset about it all (I broke down at the doctors the other day and at work). Is there anyone else in the same position that can share their thoughts on how to cope with a parent moving in. My husband is being a brick considering it is not his mum We love her to bits and would not want to upset her. Many thanks.

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It's very common for elderly people to have a difficult time staying warm, as often their circulatory systems are slowing down and unable to keep their bodies at a regulated temperature. This is a normal part of aging, but can also worsen due to illnesses that impact the circulatory system, for example hormonal imbalances, heart disease, COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and diabetes. Basically, the heart doesn't do so well at moving warm blood throughout the body, so extremities like hands and feet get cold very easily. You could mention this to her doctor, to see if this is a symptom of something serious, or if it is just a normal part of aging.
Everyone above made wonderful suggestions for layers, blankets, gloves and clothing, so I won't add anything more, except that it sounds like this situation has been stressful for you. It sounds like you are very supportive of your mum and are a wonderful daughter and caregiver- she is lucky to have your care and support. As you are beginning this caregiving journey, it might be a good idea to start out with seeking some support for yourself. So many caregivers wait to reach out for help and support until they are at their breaking point. Looking for support now might help you avoid reaching that point. Maybe there's a support group in your area where you can talk to others who have been in your shoes--they can offer suggestions of what to do, information on what you might expect, share resource information, or even just emotional support. It's amazing how helpful it can be to have someone listen when you are saying, "This is too hard!" "I can't do this anymore!"
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Yes, the having a parent move in is quite a change--and not just in temperature! But as for the heating/cooling aspect, I found that layers worked well. When my dad still dressed himself, he often put on three button-down shirts. I still don't know how he managed to get all of them on. At first I turned up the heat, and took off some of the extra clothes. But it was too hot for me and the electric bill was higher than I wanted it to be. T-shirts, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, blankets (unless tripping is a concern). Also, any movement that your mum could do will help keep the blood circulating and improve warmth from the inside out. One reason Dad has been so cold is because of poor circulation.
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I have a suggestion for this problem.. keep the feet warm.. and the rest of the body will get warm, the feet are the most important area of the body to get warm. My suggestion is put heavy socks in the dryer to get them warm, put them on her feet and use feet warmers as well. If it's possible get her to eat many small portions throughout the day, that will help keep her warm, it doesn't always have to be about keeping the room hot. If she is able, get her to move around a bit and get the blood circulating. Good Luck!!
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I would leave the temperature at 20.5 as your mom agrees and let your mom use lap blankets, sweaters, etc. to help her feel comfortable. We have a similar problem in our household with air conditioning since we live in Houson, TX. My son and husband need it to be cooler than by dad finds comfortable so he just wears more clothing, long pants and sleeves and a sweater when we are in shorts and tshirts. My dad has been with us about a year and the first few months were the hardest. I seemed to be upset a lot and my husband was the rock. But I think that may be because my dad isn't his dad. I find it very sad when I realize how much my dad has aged because he was the person I always looked up to, went to with my problems, etc. My husband was never my father's child so it does not affect him in the same way. It took me a longer time to get used to the new normal for our family and I am coping better now partly due to the help on this website. I hope your situation will also improve as everyone adjusts to your family's new normal.
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Luckily my parents stayed in their own home and we went there to care for them. When we arrived we all stripped off our clothes. I would go with a skimpy top on so that I could throw off any jackets or sweaters. We would walk outside to get a breath of air. They just loved the heat and on top of bundling up and wearing layers (leggings under pants and layers on top), they had their favorite blankets in each room where they sat so they could throw the blanket over their legs, even in the car.

Just saying, this sounds normal. My heart goes out to you. You have the good fortune to share your home. It's a puzzle and I'm sure if you all work together, keep talking with each other, you will find solutions. Best wishes to you...
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I like it cold but keep the house at 72*. She uses several blankets on her bed since she doesn't know how to use the electric blanket anymore. My mom also has a small fleece blanket she really loves. She moves it from room to room draped over her walker. I do need to watch that she doesn't get it tangled in the wheels, but most of the time she doesn't remember where she left it and I get it for her. A warm robe helps, too. When I take her to daycare I turn on the heated seat so I don't have to crank up the heater. Hooray for modern car technology!
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You don't say if your mom has any medical conditions, or where you live, which I assume is outside of the US (?) because you state temperature in Celsius. 20.5 is about 69 F, isn't it? That should be relatively comfortable but it depends on her health (as rich says: heart, circulation, blood sugar, etc.).

My mom had reduced kidney function & A-fib. Plus she was 94. She only had a two or three degree tolerance. Almost everything was either too hot or too cold. The Dr said it was part of her condition and part for age.

We lived in the high desert of Southern California where it can get very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter. We had to run the A/C or the heat more than folks might need to. For heating, we found the safest and most economical way to warm a room was with one of those oil heaters that looks a bit like a small radiator. They don't use very much electricity to keep the oil warm, which then radiates into the room.
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LL bean an American clothing company for the outdoors has wonderful shirts that have thermal underwear sewn into the shirt as a lining. 100% cotton soft. It's a godsend. Google them they are from the state of ME. They are not cheap but they last forever getting softer. Today in Pennsylvania it's 70 degrees fahrenheit. I have the heat set for 75. My Dad still complained. I put on the shirt, he is comfortable and I turned the heat off. Good luck
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The best part about LL Bean is everything is 100% guaranteed for life. So if you want to return any item you will get money back. Just save receipts or if not you will get store gift card.
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Some things to try that kept me toasty warm when I had a circulation problem:

** Electric lap blanket. Be sure to check the temp as these can get very warm and you don't want to roast your mom. If you don't want an electric one, try a flannel sheet folded in half.
** Layers, layers, layers. A silk undershirt, a warm sweater.
** Gloves with the fingers cut out. You'd be surprised how much heat you lose thru the back of your hand. Cutting the fingers off lets you still grip things. If she has trouble picking things up with cloth gloves, try good fitting leather ones.
** A microwaveable heating sack. Sometimes you find them for bread baskets, but a cloth bag with rice in it works too. She can put it'd in her lap and rest her cold hands on it.
** Keep her core warm. I found that it worked better to warm my core than to concentrate on just my hands and feet, which is where I felt the cold. Do when my feet were cold, I put on my electric blanket and toasted all the way up to my chin.
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