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Last week another family member flew my MIL from Las Vegas to Houston and left her with me. Litterally just left when she handed her over. She probably has dementia, stage 2. She wanders, doesn’t sleep, hallucinates, needs help dressing and bathing. Yesterday I found my cat in the oven because she thought it was radioactive . Thank god we had the foresight to remove the knobs. She needs full time professional care. Her Medicare is lapsed, the relative she was living with drained her bank account, and she hasn’t seen a doctor in years. Her retirement funds are @ $2500 mo. With the care she needs, I know we are going to fall way short. My husband has been out of work for 18 months and we are just 2 months away from our savings being drained and unable to make ends meet. My husband obviously can’t work now. I’ve missed 3 days this week because I’ve been up at 3 am dealing with her paranoia. What options to we have to find her the proper care? Do I take legal action against the other relatives? Right now all I can think of is to try to get her admitted to the hospital and refuse to pick her up. I don’t really want to that person, but we are not in a position to provide care and the family has turned their backs and refused to help. The eldest brother suggested we drop her off at the bus station.

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Hi Kitch

Were you able to make connection with anyone yesterday?
How was your night? Hoping you have taken action for the good of all.

Does MIL have long standing mental issues such as bipolar?
Meds can make a huge difference if she does.

The take her to the bus comment made me wonder if she has “always been this way”/

I can totally understand how it took a minute to figure out that MIL had to be watched carefully if you have not been around her in awhile.
It’s not everyday someone puts the cat in the oven.

I have a relative who hallucinates and has been taken to the bus before (at her request). Very difficult to find help for someone younger who has these problems and no ability to insure medication compliance. since MIL is Medicare age you should be able to get her help.

Let is know how it is going when you get a minute. We will continue to support you if we hear back from you.
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Your profile says you are caring for your mother who is 50 years old . That is young for dementia. Take her to the ER and get her evaluated and a professional diagnosis of what’s going on . She could have an infection causing confusion and behaviors , or it could be a psychiatric issue.
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Step one:
Literally take her in person to the nearest Social Security office.
Change her address (to a new private P.O. box with a street address).
Your husband, her son? should do this with you. Does she have any I.D.?

Even if you cannot get her SS check delivered by Aug. 1st, be sure to cancel the check going to former residence, former bank. The SS. office can see that she will require a representative payee and try to assign your husband. Ask for a public one or accept the rep- payee assignment until you can change it.

If you don't do that, you are throwing away $2,500, and her future income to house herself.

While there, maybe she will act out so badly that they will call 911 and she will be taken on a 5150 hold. A blessing in disguise to allow the system to kick in and take care of her.

As long as you shelter her in your home, you will be responsible for her welfare.

She's family. It is obvious that you cannot provide her the care and housing, safety that she needs. But do not punish her. Get her the help she needs now, and do it the most expedient way possible. You can get her a public guardian next.

At any point in time you feel unsafe, call 911. (Like a week ago?)
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I’m sure you were stunned to have this happen. I’m so sorry.

Your MIL may have had her Part B dropped for non payment. She may not have a drug plan or a supplement but she still has Part A which covers hospitalization.

Were you told how to access the retirement? Is this Social Security? Does she have an ID? She must have had something to get on the flight. Write everything down as you go. Start with flight, airline etc.

I assume you are not her POA and it is too late for her to assign one due to her condition. Does she have a POA?

If she was flown to Houston and then you took her to Gatesville you may have assumed the position to a degree, especially if you allow her to stay in your home very long. Tenants have rights, etc.

https://www.dfps.texas.gov/Adult_Protection/default.asp

https://mentalhealthtx.org/facilities/central-counties-center-for-mhmr-services-gatesville-mental-health-clinic/

there is a crisis hotline on this link below.

https://centralcountiesservices.org/


https://lawyers.findlaw.com/lawyer/firm/elder-law/gatesville/texas
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I would report to the County APS about the elder abuse if you can prove it. I would make sure her SS is rerouted in some way.

Straight Medicare does not lapse. The premium is taken out of her SS if she has part B. If she has a Medicare Advantage I have no idea how the premiums work. I would call Medicare and find out how she stands. If an MA, they do not usually go over State lines so you either take her back to straight Medicare with a supplement or get her Medicare Advantage in your State.
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Drop her off at the bus station? My God, how despicable. Consult an elder care attorney to see what his or her advice is about applying for Medicaid for your MIL with her income level so you can place her in a nursing home.
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ventingisback Jul 2023
Agree despicable. But why did OP even mention it?
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What happens if a person calls 911 on a family member and the person refuses to go? Do they restrain them and force them to go? Or do they just leave them alone and leave?
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ventingisback Jul 2023
Depending on the health problem, you CAN refuse to be taken by 911/ambulance to the hospital.

Only if you’re mentally unwell (a danger to yourself or others), can you be forced.

If your mind is sound, you can refuse. If you have dementia, you can refuse (depends how severe the dementia is), even if it’s an imminent life/death situation. If you have severe dementia, POA can decide: but if it’s an imminent life/death situation, sometimes 911/ambulance will force the person to go.
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Don’t take your eyes off of your cat if she thinks the cat is radioactive!
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LoopyLoo Jul 2023
This! This terrified me.
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Well, don't lose your job, too. Why are YOU the one up with her at 3 a.m. -- why isn't your unemployed H up with HIS MOTHER?
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MountainMoose Jul 2023
Preach it, CTTN55!
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Call 911. She is a danger to herself and others.

Transport to ER is appropriate. And then a firm HE DOUBLE HOCKEYSTICKS NO to discharge.
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Taking her to the ER is another possibility that you might want to consider.

Make sure that you inform them that you cannot care for her in your home.
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What a horrible situation! I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Contact someone from Council on Aging in your area and ask what they recommend for a person in her situation. Stress to them that you cannot possibly care for her yourselves.

Contact a social worker at a hospital in your area.

Contact a mental health facility and tell them that she placed your cat in the oven.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Christine44 Jul 2023
"Contact a social worker at a hospital in your area." It can be extremely difficult to "contact a hospital" for finding a social worker or even just to "find" a social worker anywhere right now. I recently contacted two different hospitals to see if I could speak to/"use" their on staff social workers, and both times was turned down. In one case, I've been going to the hospital for about 10 years for various treatments. I was told their SWs are only for in-patient admissions, in principle. Once this person mentioned above is admitted to a hospital that may be a different story and maybe a social worker can be of help. Out of sheer desperation, i.e. looking for "Social Worker help" I actually paid good money to join a Senior Center because they had a social worker specializing in geriatric care on staff, only to be told -- after my payment was processed -- that I could only have telephone conversations with the social worker as I didn't live in the immediate area where the Center was located. Maybe you'll have better luck than I have had.
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Contact social services for your county and tell them exactly what happened and what they suggest, given that you are not able to house or financially support her.

Or,

Take her the ER (or call 911 if she doesn't cooperate) and play dumb, saying she was literally just dropped on your doorstep and you don't know her medical history and if she has a UTI or any other underlying health issues. Once she's in there, don't accept her at discharge, tell them she's an "unsafe discharge" (the cat in the oven story, wandering, etc). Ask to speak to the hospital social worker to see about direct discharge into a facility.

This is assuming no one is her PoA or currently her legal guardian. Please do not drop her off at the bus station.
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1) Report the elder abuse to APS right away. (The family member who dropped her off and stole her money).
2) Report the animal abuse to animal control. (The Mil).

You then have a paper trail to have her admitted for an evaluation at a behavioral hospital.

You waited a week?
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lealonnie1 Jul 2023
The family member who housed the MIL drained her bank acct....
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When she wanders call 911, request ab evaluation gave ems bring her to the ER, work with the social worker at ER to help her.
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Don't drop her off at the bus station. That could be legally interpreted as abandonment.

Get her picked up for a medical/mental evaluation. In Florida it's called the Baker Act. I don't know what it's called where you live. They'll hold and evaluate for 72 hours. You refuse to take her into your home.

Her dementia seems like more than stage 2. I advise you not to inform doctors, social workers, etc. what stage of dementia you think she's in. You're not a professional and you don't know. All you know is that she is unsafe, your family and cat are unsafe, and you must get her out of your home.

You don't have enough money to take legal action against other relatives. Lawyers cost $300 to $500 an hour. You probably wouldn't win anyway.

First step, get her out and don't take her back. Second step, wash your hands of the entire matter and refuse to talk to her relatives. They are not your friends or hers.
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“The eldest brother suggested we drop her off at the bus station.”

What’s your opinion of this idea OP? What’s your opinion of such a brother who gives such advice?
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southernwave Jul 2023
Yeah, even if MIL is a narc, that is low down.
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And if you think she needs it, call 911 and send her to the ER in an ambulance.
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Call APS (adult protective services) and schedule an evaluation. Do not use any of your money for her care.
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