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My mum is almost 100. She has medication, wash, breakfast in the morning but cries and is upset if we get her up. She prefers to sleep until 13.00 when she has lunch, dresses and has more medication. Is this worrying for her mobility and general health? The pattern above avoids a lot of distress.

Seems she is not an early morning person. My mom (80s) and sister (60s) are not morning people either. Mom will sleep in until about 11 am and sis will sleep in until 1 pm (worked 30 years as a RN at night) if doesn't have to be up early. As long as your mom gets good nutrition, good hygiene, plenty of fluids, at least 7 hours of sleep and moves the majority of her "large muscles" daily, she is doing fine.
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Reply to Taarna
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God bless your mum. My great grandmother lived to 99 and was bedridden towards the end.

We had concerns about my mother-in-law back in 2007 as she gravitated toward snack foods and refused eating regular meals at the end. A hospice nurse told us to let her eat what she wanted. She was 84 and the nurse told us not to fight her and told us that while there wasn't much nutrition in the snack foods, there was some, and to let her have as much as she wanted.

My dad died in January at 90 and he had been bedridden for the last 2 years but I did make sure he had his head raised in the bed so he didn't get pneumonia. His last 6 months or so he did sleep a lot.

My mom is 86 and was sleeping a lot too until we adjusted her medication. She's up and about a bit more but she easily falls back into a familiar depressive pattern of giving up, which she's digressing back to now. There is some concern that she will lose mobility if she keeps this up but I just keep reminding her that she will end up bedridden like my dad and she doesn't want that. Whatever it takes to convince her to move, without upsetting her too much, is what I do.
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Reply to MrsKitcat
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rowena1953: God bless your mother for living to almost 100. She deserves the right to awaken at 1 P.M.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Poster mentioned a Joy for All companion pet- small dogs cats birds animatronic- looks VERY interesting!
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Reply to Bellerose63
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Haha! That's my schedule, and I'm 54! I worked PMs and NOC shift my whole career and my body still thinks it's on PM shift.
My mom and I have both always been late birds. My dad had to get up so early for work and me for band practice at school. We TREASURED sleeping to noon on weekends!
Maybe this is just how her internal clock works now. Honestly, I worked long term care, and my mom is now in memory care. They get them up at 7:30 a.m. for breakfast and shut the place down at 7 p.m. A lot of them take naps during the day. Does it really make any difference? If she's up and happy at 1 p.m. at 100 yrs old, I say good for her!!! He'll on your schedule, probably, and sometimes it's hard to make late afternoon appts., but otherwise, let it be. That's my opinion.
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Reply to Bunnymomjulie
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Your mother is 100 and slowing down. A nurse may check on her.

My mother lived to be age 95 in 2014. The last 6 months of her life, she slept up to 20 hours daily, so a palliative nurse always checked on her. She also had several medical conditions.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Hey Rowena! Believe you are NOT coming across as a bully but a sensitive and very caring daughter. Posters here can be passionate and short sometimes but in general good-hearted with a bit of caregiver burnout sneaking thru from some. It is incredible what you are managing for your mom. She sounds very well cared for. It’s instinctive for us to look down the road in an attempt to avoid another health problem for our loved ones and also something new coming at us when we are already up to our eyeballs caring for our LO. Please care for yourself or you will be going thru crippling anxiety that takes alot from soft- hearted people.
Big hugs R
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Reply to Bellerose63
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I wrestle with the same issue with my 84 year old husband.
let him sleep?
wake him up?

he is frequently and easily out of breath. The doctors (primary care, cardiologist, eye and prostate) agree his only reason for being out of breath is lack of movement. Yes it will get worse but does it have to be today.

so half the time I wake him up and the other time I let him sleep….
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Reply to Desertlady
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I wouldn't worry about it. She's 100.
Her body may just need the extra sleep. Let her enjoy her current routine, if she's happy.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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In regard to being in bed too long affecting your mom’s lungs. Yes, according to my pulmunoligist. Best to sit up than lie down. So perhaps if she has an adjustable bed she could have the head raised in the morning if she doesn’t already.
She may not be resting at night as well as she was so she may be more tired. Additionally if she isn’t moving about as much the meds could be building up in her system and may need a closer look. Changing meds or reducing isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
In other words, when one thing changes, it affects all the other aspects of what has kept her comfortable so long.
I was told that a little oxygen through the night might be of benefit. If you can get a nurse to check her O2/pulse in the night you can check if her O2 is running low at night. They may already check this. See how it is trending. Sleep is so important to how we feel.
Your mom is, needless to say, at a great age but we all benefit from good sleep and activity. I agree with your wanting her to feel well as long as possible.
It is a fine line of being a good advocate for our loved ones and allowing them to naturally transition from this life.
I had a cousin who took such loving care of her mom that I felt her mom didn’t dare die. Of course, she did in time.
Your mom has lived so long she is a fixture in your life that you can’t imagine being gone. She did a lot of things right to live as long as she has. You might want to let her lead the way and have her rest. Big hugs to you and brother.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Thank you for your kind replies - all I want is to do the best by mum - her dr says encourage her to get up earlier - I do but stop if it causes her distress. Thanks again. xx
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Reply to rowena1953
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Hedgie Jun 1, 2024
I would let her choose her own sleep schedule. So much is taken away from our very senior citizens, let her have control over her sleep habits.
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I am managing the care of my granny and have similar issues and concerns. My granny at 100 did break her hip - so walking is challenging for her. She’s now 101. In my experience over the past years, moving is key to her not being miserable. She’s prone to depression and anxiety as well - survived German imprisonment in WWII and lots more, so you can imagine. We encourage and motivate her as much as we can. Her caretaker has managed to get her going at 7:30 so they can have breakfast with everyone in the dining room. She then naps after breakfast. She now naps after lunch too. Getting her up means he wakes her up, but she is used to it now and goes with the flow. This flow has improved her overall engagement and therefore activity.

If your mother is so resistant to getting up for breakfast, that it is a fight, it seems it may best not to create aggravation if you cannot find a way to coax her to get up. I wonder if your team of doctors can be helpful. There may be medication issues that make it more difficult to wake up — but I suspect you have tried that since you seem very engaged and proactive in her care.

I am experiencing that my granny is slowing down and is less engaged overall - but still sees family and friends. It’s a bit harder to get her to go out, but when she doesn’t she complains of being stuck in her apartment. Creativity seems to be required to get her going. I have better luck with one of her caregivers than other.

I see many posts that say to leave your mother be. My experience has been that kind and proactive management has been invaluable in keeping as high quality of life as you can provide. Even with a sharp mind - my granny does not seem to be able to plan the day too well.

From what you describe, you’re doing a fabulous job of caring for your mother. She’s lucky.
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Reply to Agatasul
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Mom is 100. She's earned the right to do as she pleases. Period. Whether she loses mobility due to sleeping in or not is senseless.....she can't be mobile 24/7 anyway!

Please do not try to micromanage a woman who's already outlived the rest of everybody by 22 years. She wins this game, no matter what turns her health may take from here. Nobody lives forever.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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funkygrandma59 May 26, 2024
AMEN!!!
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By yourvresponse, your not worried about you, your worried she will lose what mobility she has. She will anyway. I knew a man that walked all over into his 90s. Little by little his walks became shorter and shorter. Until about 98 his legs just gave out. He asked his DIL if she thought his age had something to do with it. He lived to be 102.

At 100, let Mom do what she wants.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Ro, if she just has a later start time for her day and she is getting up and being active, I would not fear what being a late starter will do to her health.

I have many ultra senior friends and they all get up and about way later then they use to, their activity has slowed down but, they aren't more sick because of it.

I am told they are just tired and ready to go. They do what they must but, they are losing or have lost interest in being what others think they should be, especially the doctors. So they do the dew and get through each day as they can.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Being 100 years old is likely what damages her mobility.
The body does wear down.
I would now let her have whatever pattern works for her mentally.
There is no changing the fact that the body is failing at this age, and that something will eventually allow her to pass.

From a repost by Geaton below you say that your mother is on a lot of drugs that would definitely affect her in terms of keeping her sleepy.
You also tell us a doctor has said she should not be in pain because there is "nothing wrong" and as an old retired RN I have to tell you that I think your doctor may be certifiably insane.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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MiaMoor Jun 1, 2024
I was very concerned to read that a doctor confidently asserted that someone's pain was psychosomatic. I would no longer trust that doctor.
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From your other post, more info about your Mom:

"...mum is on a lot of anxiety medication and has been for years - sufficient that she cannot medically take any more. She has three carers plus my brother and I who either stay there or come several times a day. She has visitors and friends in throughout the week, a wellbeing coach on Sunday, visits a geriatrician and has regular doctor visits. She is almost blind, walks perfectly well with her walker and has not other medical needs. The doctor has diagnosed her pain ( which I know she feels) as psychosomatic - eg nothing physically wrong. She is terrified of being in assisted living and we do not want to do this unless we have to for medical reasons only. She has no dementia except for some short term memory loss and not confusion at all. She can go from miserable and whimpering to cheerful in 5mins if distracted or a friend calls. She has audiobooks, meditation disks, enjoys some television and I read to her and chat etc. The distress continues particularly in the mornings. What else might work to keep her stable please? She also has a little dog that keeps her company!"

How is her weight? If she's dropping weight then her medication dosages should be checked.
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Reply to Geaton777
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It's not the same as if she's staying in bed until the afternoon, the fact that she gets up and has her morning routine is a very positive thing! I think at this point in her life your worry about a future decline is inevitable but that decline is also likely unavoidable no matter what you do, I would just keep her engaged and as active as you can during her waking hours. I think it might be helpful to you to make a plan of what your next steps will be if she does eventually lose mobility.
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Reply to cwillie
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MiaMoor Jun 1, 2024
I don't think that the morning routine is positive if the mum is being forced to get up then, against her inclination, and that it distresses her. But I agree with everything else you say. Making a plan about the next stage is often overlooked because we don't want to think about inevitable decline.
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Rowena Mom is 100 let her sleep ,she is tired . no Harm In sleeping .
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Reply to KNance72
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Let your poor mum sleep. At 100 years old I'm sure she's beyond exhausted.
and if letting her sleep keeps her in less "distress" then that is a win win for all involved.
Please just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mum, and quit worrying about the small stuff.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Thank you for your response but this makes it sound as if I want her to get up for me! I am happy if she is less distressed when in bed for the morning but my question was will this cause her to lose the us of her legs or cause / prompt chest infection , thrombosis or chest infection I just need advice about this please - I am not a bully!
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Reply to rowena1953
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Geaton777 May 26, 2024
What you are doing is "projecting", not bullying. You are having expectations of what a 100-yr old "should be" doing. At 100 she's going to lose something at some time, soon. As we age, we lose muscle mass, not even being able to maintain what we have (and never mind gaining any). Just look at *any* person over 80. My Mom is 95 and still manages to garden, go up and down stairs, drive, clean her entire house. This year she seems to get very tired very quickly. She is healthy but has a lot of arthritis. She's starting to sleep in longer in the mornings and it takes her longer to "get going" in the morning. Although she eats really well for her age, she is getting thinner and shorter and more stooped. No one gets to stay here forever. Please come to peace with this for your own sake, and don't be overly concerned about your Mom's routines, as long as she is content and comfortable.
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Rowen, your mom is 100, at 100 I feel like she should be able to sleep as late and long as she wants, she worked all her life, maybe she just doesn't want to work anymore.

I get how hard this is, it's the hardest thing we will ever do and seeing them declining is so hard. My mom's getting more and more frail , where are days out shopping, are going to turn into going for rides now. And it stinks. Took her to are local nursery to get flowers, left and said that will most likely be the last time she goes there.

It's hard to accept decline but it's nature. It's what happens to all of us at one point , weather or not your 88 like my mom or 100.

Best of luck.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Anxietynacy May 26, 2024
It's a lot like when you have a baby in reverse. Everything is the first time they sit up, they're first words, and steps. Now it's watching, there last. The last time they can do this or that. And it SUCKS, but it's life!
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