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We have no kids and are financially stable. My husband inherited his mother's house and some stock. He has no siblings. If he dies before me, am I free to do whatever I choose with his assets? I have my own will which needs updating. Should we have a joint will or keep our finances separate?

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BigSister, replying to your reply, below:

What difference does it make, I'll be dead?

Selfish so-and-so! If you don't mind my calling him names.

The difference it makes, dear Henry, is that you won't be left with a fat admin. headache if he dies before you, and vice versa. Is he being intentionally thick? Is he, come to think of it, giving you a sensible answer to a sensible question?

Ask your lawyer about mirror wills - you can probably leave each other a life interest and then name subsequent beneficiaries, something like that. It doesn't have to split 50:50, and the one thing you can both be sure of is that after you're both dead neither of you will care!
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Why won't he do it? Afraid that means he's thinking he's going to die? It will make your life easier if he pre-deceases you and then his wishes can be carried out properly.

I have never heard of a joint will. As far as I know, each person has their own will with their own directives in it. Mine says, all to hubby and if he's gone, split between my kids or their heirs, etc. His says the same but they are completely separate legal documents.
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Yes, IS there something else going on? The statement from him -"What difference does it make; I'll be dead? - seems a tad uncaring.
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My sister died recently. She didn’t have an updated will. I was not allowed to have access to her apartment to retrieve any family treasures. I was allowed to enter for about 10 minutes to look for a possible updated will, but I couldn’t find one. So I wasn’t allowed to take anything in case there would be someone to contest me being in there. There was no one else. But I had to leave things behind. I lived across the country and wasn’t going to return. It is important to have a will.
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Get him to make out the will. Simple will do . All his possessions go to you. His wishes for his burial etc.  Perhaps say you both need to make out wills. That may take the sting out of it.  Just taking care of each other.

Do not remove your name from anything. At least you will guaranteed half.  Depends on the state.  

70 is not old, but things happen. I was 11 years younger than my husband. @ 65 he had a stroke. He had a poa for me. A will. It was a life saver for me. He lasted til he was 70 , but I was able to make decisions for his care. When he passed it made it all easier. NOT easy , but easier.  You should both have POA's. and wills.

If you approach as we both need these things. He may understand. Say you also want him to be able to make your choices come to reality. I hope this helps.
Good luck to you!
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Elder Attorney.

In some states, if there is no will, the state steps in and you don't want that.
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You never know what surprises will come out due to lack of an easy to follow documentation trail.

My neighbor died last year. His son claimed there was written a will from some decades ago, produced under the counsel of a lawyer who is now long dead, in a bank safe only certain family members had access to. The family member in charge of the probate, who had access to the safe, produced what was probably a forged document. There was no recent paperwork, other copies, anything for reference, so the probable fake was accepted. The forged will led to a huge blowup where people were evicted from the property, the two houses razed, and an attempt to sell the former family ranch to a developer is underway. The old man had been sweet as can be and promised that the two families could live on the property for the rest of their lives. Whoops.

Without clear documentation that defines who inheritors are and are not, and any specific intentions for assets, you leave yourself open to fraud and scammers. Explain to your husband that if he doesn't provide a will, then he is inviting some far flung relative to "find" evidence of an earlier will. it doesn't have to be about planning for death, it's can be about making your security obvious so that no one should be planning to scam the family.

Maybe if he passes, and you are sobbing, and ask his long time attorney to help handle the affairs. The attorney knows how disorganized things are and that there's no paper trail, so he helps himself to a bit of the estate and you never notice. These things happen.
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70 is NOT old.

In fact, it seems less old every year I get closer to it :)

The poster who said "what do I care, I'll be dead". Yeah, that's a cop out. If there is no will or trust, if everything goes smoothly and perfectly, you'd be lucky. Often, though, with no will in place, things get messy and instead of being able to grieve and move through the process of change--you find yourself working like crazy to get things settled--and a lot of anger can bubble to the surface.

Ask your DH if he thinks that's a nice way to leave you. With a huge job ahead of you and you asking yourself, nonstop "is this what DH would have wanted?". When my FIL died, he did leave a skeleton of a trust, luckily just enough to have a jumping off point. We struggled a LOT with trying to guess what he would have wanted. I waded into it, just b/c I wasn't really emotionally involved and I could quickly make decisions and the 3 kids could say "Oh, yeah, that will work." Took them 4 days to simply plan a short, simple funeral. The casket was the most expensive one they make. His headstone is almost embarassingly huge.

Everyone is going to die, it's unavoidable. Making your wishes known and then legalizing the transfer of "power" is a gift you give your family.
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Llamalover47 Jan 2019
Midkid58: The statement - What difference does it make; I'll be dead" was made by the OP.
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Thanks for posting the question; it's good to read all the wise answers. I wish you the best in these circumstances. It sounds like he is, perhaps, keeping going at 70 just by sheer denial of the passage of time?

It's burying the head in the sand and I speak from experience as Spouse also refuses to have things down on paper. It's as if he trusts only me to carry out his wishes; for example, he's stated where he wants to be buried yet hasn't made any arrangements or saved money for it (it's an expensive cemetery and interment).
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You can't Convince an Old Timer like this at this stage of Time, To do a Will. are definitely as Stubborn a san Old Mule. If Dad goes tomorrow, Everything will go intio Probate, Where after a Year or More, They Take what they want after Everything and You and Your Siblings(If any)Get the Rest.
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Oh no dont seperate anything!
Make sure your name is on EVERYTHING! You dont need a will if you have joint bank accounts, your the beneficiary on his life insurance, and make sure your name is on the deed to both houses, yours and his mothers house! Heres where it gets tricky ( I used to do mortgages) make sure the wording on the deed with your name is clear. Normally people just put their names on the deed and thats it, you have to have, “Joint tenants with rights of survivorship” put on the deed to both your home and his moms home. This is kind of like a will for the house. Right of survivorship is saying “hey if I die the house goes to my spouse” without a will. It is crucial that you have that wording on the deed to his moms house!

He has stocks, is your name anywhere on them? If not you will have to talk to a lawyer about this one.
Im the administrator of my fathers estate and he has stocks, because they are part of the estate, therefore part of the probate. Because my name wasnt on them I have to gain control to sell them. More paperwork, phone calls, court date.

Im going through probate right now with fathers estate, and its a pain in the butt! Court dates and miles and miles of paperwork!

Bottom line is: protect yourself now so that if he passes before you, you wont have a nightmare to deal with!

Probate is a nightmare! Avoid it! Have everything in order now for your future piece of mind.
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Also, something people forget about is a safe deposit box at a bank. If the account owner dies, the bank will only allow people whose names are on the account to access the box, otherwise it is locked and part of the probate process. I've read articles where the account holder(s) kept their will in the deposit box, died, and their heirs couldn't access the will because their names weren't on the box account and it was part of probate. It's like keeping the extra key to your car in the car's trunk! Either have other people's names on the safe deposit box (children, attorney, etc) or take everything out/cancel it.
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Are you named on the title to the house?
If so it would go to you but if not any far distant relative could step in and say that that is the family homestead and they have rights to it.

If your husband dies before you everything he has would go into probate and it can be involved and take a while as well.

You could make an appointment with a lawyer for yourself and say that he has to go with you while you make out your Will he will have to witness it and there may be questions he would help you with. This way the appointment would be for YOU for YOUR will not his and he may get a bit of an eye opener.
As for him if he still does not want to make a Will of his own there is a document on line called Five Wishes it is legal in many states, it will say what states it is legal, but this will give him a starting point to give direction to you and others regarding his wishes.
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You do not need a will. Make sure you have your name as joint in all bank accounts, property. Make sure you are the beneficiary in all insurance ,retirement funds. This will cover most of the assists. Once he passes away you automatically become the owner. Unless if some of the property was owned by him and it was inherited by him from his parents, then kids will have a right on it. Otherwise you should be ok. However every one should watch some of you tube videos which will explain why you need a will. Keep in mind we do not own anything. Every thing is owned by the govt/king. We get the right to use them during our life time and once you pass away you need to notify the govt/king that the property you let some one use has passed away and need permission to pass it on to some one in the family. So do permit me Govt/ king. This is how the will came into being. To day a judge decides instead of king. So every one must be educated about the will. If you do not have a will then the king/judge will decide who can cont to use the property. Keep in mind it is his property all you get is a right to use during your life time.
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In some states you can make a simple will from the computer and have notary or others sign the form - we do not own a home, which makes this will easy to do. My 72 year old husband would not go to a lawyer but had the will signed by people at a bank. All bank accounts, cars, house, etc should be in both names.
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I would say consult a lawyer. A lawyer woyld most likely ask if you would consider being a POA. They would also ask if you are his only caregiver and if say then a few things may be in your favor as to him and yourself. You would do better if you can get him to visit the lawyer with you or invite the lawyer to your home for a consultation.
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You could go on the internet and find an article that explains what happens when a person dies without a will. Print it off and give it to him. Sometimes people don’t want to pay an attorney. Depending on how complicated his estate determines the type of will and expense or even perhaps a trust is needed. Could you suggest you will make an appointment with an attorney for him and even go with him.
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Why, and in what form, is he refusing?

Can't be bothered
Doesn't want to think about it
Doesn't want to talk about it
Plans to Get Round To It, not now, leave me alone.
Doesn't want to tempt Fate
Wishes to contribute to the lawyers' and officials' benevolent fund in the shape of otherwise wholly avoidable fees?

If he is not stating some active objection but just moans and grumbles when you remind him about the job, perhaps you could ask your lawyer if it might be possible to draft "mirror wills" - you each leave everything to the surviving spouse, whichever way round that might happen, minus any legacies to minor beneficiaries such as charities or relatives. That would save your husband any trouble beyond signing his half in front of witnesses, which surely shouldn't task him unduly.

If he is stating an objection, and seems to resent your even asking him to get this done, do you think there's something else going on?
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Bigsister7 Jan 2019
He says "what difference does it make, I'll be dead".
I like the idea of mirror wills except I come from a big family and he has no living relatives except a cousin he rarely sees.
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Make sure you assign a POA if he is still with it.
You have to remember after he dies everything goes into probate unless your name is also on deed. A Will makes the Judge's job easier and will not take 2 years, but generally less than a few months. Without a will everything goes into probate and you won't have access for about 2 years.
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Your should each have wills or even a trust saying that you get your husband’s assets if he dies first and he gets yours if you die first. If he doesn’t have a will & goes first, you will likely have to go through probate. A close friend is in a similar situation except it’s his parents and his dad who is in his early 80s and recently suffered a TIA and has been exhibiting signs of dementia has refused to get his affairs in order. His wife is terrified because if something happens to him, she will be lost. Everything is in her husbands name. So my friend has been trying to talk his dad into getting everything together. I don’t know if this will work in your situation but he showed his parents a chart showing the costs of probate (the cost depends on how much is in the estate) that we got from our estate attorney. They are looking at hundreds of thousands of dollars in court and attorneys fees if he doesn’t have a will. Anyway seeing the numbers is what finally convinced my friends dad to get his stuff together and he’s going to get a trust done. So maybe if you look up the cost of probate in your area and explain to your husband that if he goes first, you won’t be able to touch any of his money without going through a lengthy and expensive probate, he will be motivated to get a will made. Good luck!
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I would ask whoever did your will for you what would happen if your husband predeceases you and he has no will. The rules vary by state. Dying with no will is also refered to as dying intestate.

If your will leaves all your property to him and you die before him-and he has no will- all your property will be distributed according to the intestate laws of your state. You may end up leaving your worldly goods to your husband's second cousin!

I don't think you can force him to make a will. But I would definitely check the intestate laws of your state. And organize as many of his and your assets as possible to be paid on death to a beneficiary. Those accounts will pass as you have chosen They will be outside if the process usually used to distribute an estate.
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Bigsister7, if there is no Will, your hubby's estate could go into Probate. In my area, Probate can take up to two years to complete, thus that means anything that is just in your hubby's name is frozen for those two years, including checking accounts only in his name.

Make sure you both have all assets in both names to make it easier.

When it was time for my parents to update their Wills, they stalled and made excuses. I decided it was time to use a "therapeutic fib" to get the ball rolling. I told Dad due to new State laws, he needs to get his Will updated otherwise the State could take half of his estate. That got his attention, and quickly we were sitting in front of an Elder Law Attorney to update everything legal that my parents needed. Whew.
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Depending on your state laws, just having everything titled and or deeded in husband's name and/or wife's name will be sufficient for the surviving spouse to carry on without any problems. (Must read and/or)

You can consult an attorney about this with out your husband's involvement, depending on what you learn is the battle you choose.
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If he dies before you, you will simply inherit all he has. No children--less "fussing".

There may be probate, depends on your state of residency. Here, everything that's mine is hubby's and vice versa.

I got my MIL to make a will when I told her that she couldn't just leave everything put and the kids could just split it 3 ways. When I told her that TOTAL STRANGERS would be going through her stuff, she freaked out. "My UNDERWEAR DRAWER??" (technically, yes, realistically, no) That alone was enough to send her racing to an attorney.

My hubby had to be dragged to the attorney's. Making a will (trust) made him feel like he was human and might die. (this is a man who had liver cancer, a liver transplant, a stroke, heart surgery, several serious rock climbing accidents, 2 heart attacks and many car wrecks. I will be amazed if he makes it to 80).

However, once we did the nitty gritty of the trust, he was intrigued by it and how we put things together. I did 90% of the work, he just sat through a couple meetings and had a few things to say. He refuses to even talk about any funeral plans, but trust me, this guy has walked up to death so many times, I have pre- planned his funeral at least 6 times. That actually is the LEAST of my worries.

One thing that helped was me reminding him what a hassle his dad's estate was (he was executor) Dad had a partially finished trust--and DH spent a LOT of wasted hours running around getting forms and stuff b/c his dad simply wouldn't do it.

Also, I begged him to please, please, please get this done. I hate to nag, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
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busymom Jan 2019
Wow, you really have had much to face in your life with your husband! How wise both of you have become in finally facing the Will/Trust issue. For those of us who had to handle some of our parents' deaths and taking care of their "estate" (small or large), knowing how much easier it is with an updated Will and even easier with a Trust being set up and the name of the Trust going on all accounts, etc., we've learned first-hand what we need to do for ourselves, our spouses, our children.

I just turned 60 (as did my husband). We have a Will, but now I'm at the point where I'm ready to sit down with an estate planner/lawyer and make sure every "i" is dotted and every "t" is crossed. We're dealing with elderly aunt and uncle who did not plan for the possibility that they would someday need care. This has been one of the saddest, hardest paths any couple could have to face, and I don't want to put my children (or niece or nephew) through this horrible situation.

My parents did a fantastic job getting their Wills and Trust properly set up, and I for one am extremely grateful—what a gift of love!
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In addition to being his wife are you his caregiver? Your profile doesn't really have much information about your situation.

Do you have durable power of attorney? Should you need to sell those stocks in order to pay for his care, you need authority to do so.

One of my oldest and dearest friend's husband died without a will. If I recall correctly, probate took 2 YEARS. She had to contact her attorney to access money to pay property taxes on the house where she moved as new bride. Her husband also had inherited his house from his parents and her name wasn't on the deed.

Dying without a will left her a whole big mess and fixing it took years. She was very angry with him and she was his caregiver for the last 5 years of his life. He was bedridden.

Nowadays, dying is costly enough that he shouldn't knowingly risk putting his wife through probate.

Has he preplanned his funeral?

I think you may need to have someone talk some sense into your husband.
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In your shoes, I would consult a lawyer about the "intestate" laws in your state. In most states, if a person dies without a will, the proceeds of the estate, after probate, go to the spouse if there are no other heirs.

I would be very hurt by his unwillingness to put in writing the fact that he wants you to have his worldly goods. Probating an estate where there is no will is much more difficult and expensive than one where there is a will. In essence, he's telling you that you're going to be left to clean up his mess.

Would he consider a trust?
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anonymous594015 Jan 2019
Barb in some states, the intestate laws do not give 100% to the spouse . The children get some- sometimes more than 50%! If there are no children, the parent of the deceased is considered and their heirs. They can go out to cousins, second cousins ect. Married people with spouses with no will would do themselves a favor if they checked the rules in their state.
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Check the laws in your state. A wife may automatically inherit especially when no children. If your bank accounts are in both names they will revert to you. Anything in my husbands name I am beneficiary. And visa versa. Some investments don't go to probate. Same with Mortgage if ur name is on it.

My husband wasn't big on a will but we had two girls to think about.

For you a will would be pretty cut and dry, what is mine is yours.
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Tell him if he does not have a will the state (depends on which state you live in) will decide how his money and estate is handled. Probate is very, very, very expensive financially stable or not.
Usually people do not want to make a will because they don't want to talk about death.
Blessings
hgn
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