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Looks like ur Dad is with it just needs someone to stand with him. Poor guy.
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Lol it is funny. Mom said she had no idea all of this was going on in the home. Yea right! I think mom and sister will rag dad or starve dad or whatever they have to do until he gives in and lets everyone back into the home. That is just being honest. Yesterday mom was talking about how lonely she was and how she missed the grand kids (grand adults hello) and that it was too quite around there now. I asked her did she want me to take her to visit. She said no. I asked her did she want them to come and visit and visit only. She said no it would not be the same.

What gets me about this lonely business is that they slept all day, never set in the room to watch television with her, never goes to church with her, never did anything to engage with her, so what, what is this lonely business.

Dad wants to go full force with the home cleaning. I want to go slow and not do all the work only for all to come back. We did help him and got the dining area cleaned so now you can set down at the dinner table. Mom even helped although sister kept egging her on that she needed to keep this and keep that.

Now I am calling mom to remind her to bring her medications and not to eat or drink anything in the morning because of her heart test. Guess what? As usual I cannot get through. Oh well, not my problem. I will try one last time in the morning.
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so sister's still there, so not everybody left, so are you still mom's caregiver? since all the ones that did leave are gone so you can make sure he's fed? is there an official thing by the APS person, with the law being involved, that they're not supposed to come back? if they did, would you let them know? I do understand where your mother's coming from, though, not saying it's right, just sounds like she's gotten used to and wanting to have all that around.

Even if it was the way it was; somewhat went through that with my dad and somewhat wishing I'd done the same thing - he got his grandson to move in with him - something I'm somewhat wondering in your situation; did your mom, at least, get these people to move in or did they do it on their own - anyway, dad did but then when he did he slept, if not necessarily all day, but certainly a lot later than dad was used to and even when he did get up he never sat with him either, which is at least part of why dad wanted him there, not necessarily the main part, which was to just be there, but he certainly thought he would and was wanting that as well and, yes, he was hoping he would go to church with him, which he would never do either or, like yours, do anything with him and he would talk to me about it but....think maybe he'd become like your mom, maybe not quite, mix between the two by that point; he still liked having him there just to be there and trying to remember if this was before or after he wound up in the hospital; he was there for 5 months; we went up there then and when he was telling me - for sure - about how he was going to handle things when he went to his next doctor's appointment the next month- something wondering about with your dad - home health is still supposed to be coming tomorrow? maybe might be a good thing if works out while she's gone to the doctor - are you or sister supposed to be taking her or do you think she's going to still go now? anyway, dad said he was going to tell him he wasn't going to take his meds anymore - just wondering where your dad is with his condition - what's home health supposed to be doing? but thing is dad had gotten mixed up as to who the doctor was that he needed to tell; his actual specialist, since he was doing so good and was so stable, had turned him back over to just his regular doctor, who wasn't the one who'd prescribed the meds so not sure how he would have handled it, but he wasn't going to either one of them at that appointment; it was a totally different doctor but then it ended up not mattering because before it was time for it is when he wound up in the hospital and was sent home with home health to have blood work done with, though, then supposed to have an appointment with his specialist, although we weren't told about it in the discharge instructions but by the home health nurse, which the home health company also sent out a social worker, not necessarily in that role but as a telehealth nurse but still it got things sticky; now it seems like somebody said something about as long as you were your mom's pca with this company you couldn't also be her POA; that was something we ran into; I'd gotten dad's POA when he was in the hospital but the home health company didn't ask for it and grandson told them he had it and they didn't ask for verification so might be something to try to see about because when dad ended up falling, which I thought this is where all this started with your concerns with your parents is they were falling, just not sure if they've been hurt, but dad was, grandson did take him to the doctor, which is how I found out but home health was supposed to have let me know and they didn't and wouldn't talk to me when I called them, took going through a telemetry person that was willing to talk to them and try to find out that did and told me; they just finally told me they don't ask for verification; they just take their word for it but said didn't matter; they'd discharged him by then anyway, especially since he had been to his specialist by then but not till after he'd been back to the ER but I thought we were waiting on test results

we did do some full force home cleaning, since - oh, yea, we did have a housekeeper for dad - she said it needed to be done - or started it; we actually took it over several months, but needed it with home health coming; you may run into that as well. Is that their only eating table? housekeeper did at least take care of dad's kitchen one, so do you think that's why your mom's lost weight? do you have to document that?

are you still her pca?
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No, sister did not leave. Sister has never lived on her on and does not drive. I am still mom's caregiver. I have no intentions on leaving unless absolutely necessary. The last few days have been pleasant. Dad is happy and believe it or not so is mom although she will never admit it out loud. When I talk to her on the telephone, she is laughing more and dad says he can sleep through the night now.

I do not know if anything is official with APS. I guess if there is a report somewhere I could probably check by Thursday because it will be a week later. Yes if they came back with the same drama and it is in the report, I would let them know. You know how this goes. I have lost my job and place and need a place to crash until I get a job. Got a job and then a month turned into two and then two turned into three, etc. And I can't pay you anything because and I can't help you because... The grand-adults got raised by the grandparents and have lived there since they were very small children. So it is just hard to believe that this is how they choose to repay them.

As the PCA I am not required to take mom to her appointments (it's optional and if the client ask) but I choose to go with them so I can know what is going on with the both of them and to get a break from all the cleaning. Sometime I will do the driving and then other times dad will do the driving and I will meet up with them. Mom forgets a lot. I had just told her the appointment time maybe a couple of hours before dad called. She said sister said the appointment had got cancelled. I told her the heart doctor will not cancel this appointment because it would cost them and then if she missed it would cost her. Then just before bedtime dad called saying honey and sister say the appointment has been cancelled and that sister would not tell him when the cancellation call came. I told him to just get ready in the morning. Called doc office and sure enough the appointment had not been cancelled.

I have not documented weight loss but do document vitals like blood pressure and sugar.

Now if anyone could please tell me the reason for what it looks like over 20 empty pop cans to be underneath a cabinet?

And oh while we were waiting on mom dad told me that now his other grandson (sister at home son) is calling begging for a place for him and his girlfriend to stay. He says my other sister who does not live there called saying he needs to make things right. I told him to tell her to take all of them in with her.

I am trying to talk dad into moving into one of the rooms and off the living room sofa. I told him one of the rooms is large enough that it would be just like having his own apartment. Right now he says no, lol poor thing has gotten use to the sofa.

I hope all of this does not end up being done in vain.
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The chaos of a dysfunctional family is toxic to one's health. There is one way to fix this, and that is to walk away without contact. Otherwise, you are part of the problem. When you are gone, things will be figured out. You just cannot be of help while enmeshed in chaos. My concern would be for your own health and safety at this point. Look around you: Are you the only one "caring too much" while others are sabotaging your efforts? Look around again: Who has the puffy below the eyes, is sleeping too much, has erratic behaviors, and may carry a backpack and keep it close? That is the person who knows the funny business with the meds. JUST GET YOURSELF FREE.
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ok, so sister who will tell that appointments have been cancelled when they haven't is still there, hm....she has a son yet has never left home - their house? wow; guess it's somewhat of a surprise that her son even did; what's his excuse for needing a place to stay or does he just think there's room for him now; it's his now, now that everybody else has been kicked out and why does other sister think who needs to be there? thought she wasn't being involved anyway....okay, so, now that all them are gone, you're still mom's caregiver yet having to deal with this sister; glad you could at least find out she wasn't telling the truth; what did your mom think about finding out her appt. wasn't cancelled or did she even remember being told it was? I am glad to hear about your mom laughing; would have loved to have heard that about or from mine.

Who do all these "grandadults" belong to, any of them to that sister that's calling now? why weren't they being raised by their parents? although, having said that, that's what my parents would say about theirs, although not strictly true, at least not in the sense of since small but, answry, something apparently you don't understand is this is the only way they know - your mother taught them they were entitled to this; they don't understand repay the way you apparently do - how'd you get to be different, from your dad, somewhat I get, but were you the only one who went your dad's way?

Do you go with your parents to the doctor as their daughter or your mom's PCA? in other words, do you get to count it as PCA time? If you didn't go, would you be able to know from your dad what went on? what did he think about finding out her appt. wasn't cancelled and being told it was?

Does your mom's heart doc have anything to say about her weight loss?

20 pop cans under cabinet and yet weight loss - didn't you say your sister's been giving them - him? her? more insulin than they're supposed to get? you know that's more dangerous than their sugar being too high, right?

Do you think your dad will tell sister/daughter that about grandson or do you think he'll let him come? especially if he belongs to the daughter that's there. and then what if he does?

And I truly cannot believe he gave up a bed and bedroom; for all that my dad did somewhat the same thing, that's one thing he didn't do; as a matter of fact, that's when we knew something was really wrong with dad, when he started sleeping on the couch

I hope so, too, now let us know how the doc appt. went today
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I am glad you all gave me some advice and it all will be implemented. Mom test results came out good. She still has the leaky heart valve thing and small blockage. However, doctor says normal for her age range.

While we were waiting to go back, I told dad once we were finished I wanted to take mom to pick out an outfit for her birthday which was Monday. We were going Monday but she said she did not feel well. He very huffy said he did not have time. I mentioned to him that I had asked him about that as soon as I arrived at doctor office. He finally confesses that he had to hurry back because sister had an appointment with physical therapist. Mom then goes she (sister) told me that it was cancelled because she (sister) did not feel well. Dad goes well she told me to hurry back.

I got on cell and was about to call home until mom goes you should be able to get through because brother is home. I go what? She goes he said if he could not come back he would not be able to go to work because he will not have a place to stay. Then Dad goes I wish I could do more for my children and anyone that wants to come back can come back as long as they start to help me/us more. I did not argue. I did not get sad. I did not cause a commotion. I just walked downstairs until mom was called in for results.

Funny you do not have a place to stay or any money but during the commotion last week you had enough money to pay someone else to stay for a few days.

I was also going to feed them before heading back and have spouse check out his car because he had trouble this week. But no, he did not have time. As soon as he gets home he calls begging hubby to call around for a battery because the car died as soon as he got on porch. Hubby said he told him yes but then hung up and thought about our conversation after getting the news about brother already being back. He says it was the hardest thing he ever had to do because he never want to tell my parent no but he called him back and suggested to him to use his available resources (the people he has allowed to stay and come back).

Well, you all said this would happen. I had a feeling it would as well because the last 8 siblings and grand-adults have a knack of poor mouthing as they say.
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so now what?
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I have to say that having read all of this there is grave cause for concern specifically around medicating/doctor's appointments. I think prehaps although not something I would necessarily want, the best thing would be to have independent care and a guardianship for both parents. That would take the familial emotion out of the situation. They guardians can apply to the courts to prevent others that may be abusive from living there. When I say abuive I mean abuse of medication - ie not giving them the required medication at the right time and disposing of no longer used medicine back to the pharmacy whence it came. And abuse of finmances by staying there but not financially contributing or contributing in kind. And finally yelling or threatening your poor old dad is abuse too. Then on to the house. If possible could you get her out of the house for a week and get in a cleaning company to deep clean? Then your role would be to keep it all together and stop the demise back to the old routine for dust mites and insect faeces are really dangerous to asthmatics.
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Just checking back on your own welfare, Answry.
EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED ALL AROUND.
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{If possible could you get her out of the house for a week and get in a cleaning company to deep clean?}

Believe it or not, mom has started to help. Sister on the other hand is still being an evil troll. We throw out empty drink cans from under the counter, and she replaces those with more or picks them out the dumpster outside. The dining area we had gotten cleaned up. However, she is proceeding to line the wall again with stuff. The only plus is at least this time the stuff is in plastic bins. She has locked down one of the back rooms trying to keep us from touching it at all.

Other than that, I'm ok.
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Ok.
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I've been away. Just read of the slight improvement. That's great! That's big! You got behavior changes from both of them. Don't give up.
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Just reading back from the end a little, not caught up, but it looks like you've had a lot of changes in the positive direction. I've only been away from the posts for two weeks, so this is what it seems like to me- lots of things are better. Just keep going. You've gotten most of the control, and you have good expectations.
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