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Hi everyone. I am still sad about Mom’s declining physical and mental health but she is driving me to insanity. I am writing this message at 2:00 a.m. She just called from her AL apartment to claim she is being abused. I called the aides station and they told me she just came out to ask for Tylenol. I am a patient, loving son who has done a great deal over the past few years to help Mom but she is becoming unmanageable. We have an appointment today with her PCP and another appointment Friday with a neurologist. I think maybe we should just take the mobile phone and unplug the Captel phone in the night hours. I’m rambling now because I’m tired and worried about who else she is calling. If anyone can please offer some advice I would appreciate it. Thank you.

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Before removing her phones how about putting yours on "silent" at night. that way you will not be disturbed by phone calls. Or "Block" her number from 10PM until 7AM then you can "unblock" her number. That way IF the facility has to get hold of you in an emergency they can.
If you think she is calling others then maybe the safest thing would be to "unplug" the phone so that is will not work. And the cell phone drop the service then she can not make calls. HOWEVER she could still call 911 so if that would be a concern taking the phone for "repairs" would be the thing to do.

I also think transitioning her to Memory Care would be something you would want to consider. In AL she can leave at anytime and may wander off.
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Remove all the phones, there is a phone at the aides station and you can call that number to get in touch with her.

They will call you if there is a real emergency.

Honestly, it sounds like she needs to be in memory care.

Many start calling 911, now that's something you do not want to get involved with.

Good Luck, get some rest!
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It must be a generational thing to think a ringing phone must always be answered.

Ignore it.
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Why does she have 2 phones? I would take the cell away from her. Me, from 11pm to 9am I have my phone on Do not disturb. Ph calls and texts do not ring thru.
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Another type of care - as others have mentioned - potentially memory care or SNF. And remove all of the phones. If there is an emergency - they will call.

Between FIL calling all of us all hours of the day and night(blissfully - he managed to delete his entire contact list his second day in the SNF and I only added us back - should have left us off too) we were blessed that he couldn't just call over 100+ people - some of which he had just added on a whim. Prior to that he did this once a month thing - where he went through his entire contact list - including the realtor who wanted to buy his house, the guy who REAR-ENDED HIM ON THE INTERSTATE, the neighbor who moved out of state, a few random waitresses from his favorite restaurant, his LOAN OFFICER! Just to name a few. But between him and his roommate -who liked to call 911...and fun fact - any time a resident at a SNF calls 911...they HAVE to respond. Even if they KNOW it is a false alarm. They HAVE to check.

So the roommate got his phone taken away after like his 3rd day there. And started using FIL's phone. We got an earful for that one. And thankfully they moved FIL away from the guy.

But cell phones can be the absolute DEVIL in a residential facility once a person develops memory problems or dementia. Because they turn into weapons.
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When we moved my MIL into AL she started doing the same thing. We only realized how much she was doing it when we got a call from her former friend and neighbor saying MIL was calling her from MN to HI, where she was now living. That's several time zones away. We erased or blanked out the numbers in her phone book (which made me incredibly sad). Then we replaced her flip phone with a cordless handset landline and took away her contact address book because it was stressing her out.

She's now in LTC and doing well. We installed a landline phone with buttons that have our pictures on them so she'd just have to press them... but she doesn't even think to use it.

My 94-yr old Mom is starting to forget how to use her flip phone. My cousin with ALZ couldn't keep her contacts straight in her smart phone. My long-time friend (now 81) is starting to call people and have obsessive rants about paranoid things. Or calls then thinks I called her. It's the early stage of dementia. It's very hard. Everything about dementia is hard. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
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Good you are going to PCP and neurologist. Be sure you go as well and be honest with the doctors. See what they say about level of dementia.
Being sad about decline is one thing. Us getting annoyed or driven to insanity needs to be fixed.
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I agree with what others have said on this thread. It looks like your mother should be in memory care now and not AL.

Calling you at 2am proclaiming that she's being abused because they didn't get the Tylenol fast enough for her kind of goes beyond the common ingrate, entitled behavior that so many of today's seniors have. It sounds more like dementia.

In the meantime you should block her calls at certain times like when you're asleep or at work. The facility will contact you if there is a need to.
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