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I try to be patient, understanding and kind, but the irritation gets out of hand too often and I end up screaming at her. She tries to resist me all the time and it's just exhausting. I just feel like a bad person, not worth anything anymore. Who screams at their poor old Mother, I feel so ashamed...


A quandary is my Mother is on Medicaid so I don't really trust State run agencies to care for her. Also she would have to live 30 miles away and I'm still working. She is here alone for part of the day, but I'm monitering everything and it seems to be okay for now. I will retire if I have to to care for her, but I would like to go for one more year. I need to. It's such a losing situation. Also I depend on her small portion of rent to help me pay my Mortgage payment. It isn't much since she didn't work much in her life, but it helps me to take days off to care for her and to rest sometimes. I feel like such a lousy daughter, I try to care for her and show kindness everyday but sometimes I just snap and feel I can't take this situation any more. There is only me, and we moved to an Island about 10 years ago, but we still know no one. I just can't come out of my shell here. We (Mother and I) have always been isolated (it's a long time family dynamic) but now it's even worse now that almost the entire family has passed and the ones who are left are very elderly themselves. Mother does go to a senior Day Care program once a week and that helps. But the unrelenting day after day, week after week, 7 days a week of telling my Mother (she has dementia), every little thing she has to do, all activities of daily living, just everything and then the daily routines have to be repeated verbally at least five times and sometimes more. To try and run her life completely is so stressful for me and so contrary to the relationship we have had with each other. She was always totally independent and hated anyone who intervened in her life. And then there is incontinence both fecal and urine. It's not constant, but I am dealing with her urine and feces everyday and it's depressing. I know it's not logical because she has dementia, but I feel so upset when her package of open pads are right next to her but she just won't put them on if I'm not there right at the moment. And yet at many times in her behavior she seems fairly normal in her reactions. The ups and downs of dementia are continually baffling to deal with. I've been caring for her for thirteen years and It's just driving me bonkers. I feel so depressed I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm beginning to wish I weren't here anymore. I never felt like she cared much for me, she really neglected me during my childhood and that's a long story, but I always loved her, felt loyal and never wanted to put her in a home, especially a state run one. It's hard to describe, but the constant never-ending caregiving is incredibly difficult. Thanks for reading, it's good to tell someone. Any thoughts or comments would be helpful, Thanks, T.

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I hear you loud and clear....you love your mother but can't handle the caretaking part of the situation. Please note that not every single person can or should be a caretaker. Not everyone is suited for that. I have a word of advice based on years of experience. Once you find, repeatedly, that you are being very negatively affected, physically and emotionally, then you must stop. You cannot allow anyone to do harm to you - your duty is to look to yourself first. When the impacts and guilt, etc. start to overcome you, then you have no choice - you must place the patient in a facility. it is hard but you can visit and oversee and have a life that you should be allowed to live. If you don't, this will destroy you and I don't think you deserve that. This is YOUR time to live. Parents have had their chance, now it is your time
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You must arrange respite care. Other people can provide as good care as you can. You must. Caregiver burnout is real and leads to elder abuse nobody ever believed was possible. You have to get out and away for a few days at a time. This forces you to plan your backup in the event you got hurt, sick, or out of commission for any reason. You are going to have to make tradeoffs. It’s going to be just fine.
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My heart is with as I certainly understand everything you said. My dad is 92 and I
too struggle with sacrificing my
life for his —- he never had to take care of anyone! Your mom is lucky to have you but who will you have? Make plans to get her care she needs ... more day care? And make time for yourself too!
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I'm in the same boat except 2 daycare facilities have kicked her out because she gets frustrated in her dementia & becomes physical with everyone, even the other residents. Regarding your mom, I don't think she should be at home alone. When you said she needs help with every little thing, that worried me. If you can use the senior center while you're at work or errands or a breather, that seems better. Maybe she'll go to bed earlier with this time change too so you can have evenings to yourself. I started beading (bracelets, sun catchers, etc) since she goes to bed just about as soon as it gets dark & it really takes my mind off things. 5mg of time released melatonin helps her sleep a little better, too, through the night. Good luck. I've only been doing this 8 yrs. Do some things for you that give you joy & pray for patience. Patience now is better than guilt later & we have to do unto others. This advice is for me, too.
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sandwich42plus Dec 2019
If she has dementia, day care is not the right place for care. They are not usually staffed or trained for that level of care as it’s a specialty type of care offered by dementia care programs.
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Elizta
I tried to keep my Father at home. It was a constant struggle. Crazy behaviour from him which I now know was the vascular dementia creeping in.
There was a crisis and he ended up in hospital. This was in 2017. support worker in hospital spoke to me to find out how he was at home.
When I explained and told her what was happening she said she did not know how I had coped for so long. Also discussed care facility with me. I felt awful about it all but got him a care place as I am his POA.
Now I can’t imagine how I would have coped. He’s deteriorated, in denial that anything is wrong, wants home and convinced one day he will.
He has hallucinations and is delusional too. My advice is do something before it all gets unmanageable. Look at care options so when crisis point comes you are prepared. Although we do love them I now detach myself from it all. I do visit. It’s not easy either but his care is no longer my responsibility. I can walk away. I try to go with the flow at visits but never know what I will get. Horrible disease and so unpredictable. Look after yourself and keep posting here when it’s bad. It does help
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I am sorry for what you are going through. I do think you need to find a nursing facility for your mom. I do understand it is tough. I went through that a couple of months ago.. My mom is in a nursing care facility and I am glad that she is there. She is 95 years old and has dementia. I do check to make sure she is being taken care of. I do believe even the best facility you have to make sure they are doing their job. I know it is a big decision and it took me awhile to do it. I finally had to openly say it to my sister that this was the best thing for our mom and for us. My mom is there and has adjusted well. I visit her and am an advocate for her. You need to take care of yourself first. I know that you hear that a lot but it seems that is the last thing we do. Please get help. Research resources they are out there. Find someone to talk to and get help. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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It's time for facility living for your mother. You are beyond the breaking point.
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I think you are speaking-out your mind [,if true to the word], also to think for each of us last/ending period of life is uncertain. Being senior, thinking also for the last period from my seniors-how they passed the last period. Better to make compromise with all situation probable-to manage your mother's ending period reasonable-way of comfort, so that you will earn mental satisfaction for your loved-mother in your remaining period. It is difficult, but manageable for loved one, specifically mother/father.
Good luck.
Hatem Ali
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I am going to be what might seem brutal to you and some others, but it is meant with kindness and comes from hard-won experience. For your own sanity and in your mother's best interests she needs to go into permanent care.
I know you have a trust issue with care facilities but you need to face the facts. What you are experiencing is only the tip of the iceberg where dementia is concerned. What happens when your mother starts: roaming in the middle of the night or while you are away and gets lost in bushland or goes to the water's edge; leaves hotplates and heaters on when you are not around; is thirsty but does not know to get a glass of water; falls and forgets to press her personal alarm - if she has one, or you need lifts to get her up off the floor (these often require 2 people to operate); starts choking on her food either because she has simply forgotten how to shallow; her circadian rhythms change and she sleeps in the day and is up all night; she is continually in tears, or fits of laughter, does not know you and thinks you are an intruder and physically threatens you; thinks you/someone has stolen all her precious possessions; calls the police because she is locked in (some people are known to phone up to 30 times a day); refuses to eat because you are poisoning her, or forgets she has just eaten and accuses you of starving her.........and tucked in among that will be UTIs, pressure sores, any number of infections, not to mention delerium that can last for months.
You both need a decent time-out, so I strongly recommend:
1) you try to get your mother into a facility for Respite care for a fortnight or even a month. This way you both get to see behind the scenes - perhaps it won't be the poor experience you have talked yourself into believing. If your mother is treated well then make arrangements to keep her there permanently if a space is available. If it is, under no circumstances bring her home to pack up her belongings, it won't be so easy to prise her away from her home.
2) you need to talk face to face with people who understand both this dreadful experience and depression in its wider form. IMHO you in a very dark place, and whilst ever you are in that dreadful state you are doing neither yourself nor your mother any favours.
3) As much as you seem to be a very private family I am sure you would benefit from some socialising with your neighbours. A problem shared is a problem halved?
4) Needing your mother's assistance with funding your mortgage is a cop-out. If you cannot manage then sell your place and get something smaller with a mortgage you can cope with alone.
5) Residents in care facilities do not need daily visitors. If you can take the leap of faith and do find somewhere to your satisfaction (nothing will suit your mother, incidentally, even if it was Buckingham Palace) just visit her once a week. You can make a phone call daily to check on her welfare and when she is lucid your mother should be able to speak to you on the phone. But be warned, the time will come when it is not worth the effort - she won't listen, she won't respond, she will speak into the hearing part, she will press buttons, she will be incoherent.
I know this is all a brutal wake-up call but you need it for your own sanity. Eventually your mother will be so confused and befuddled she won't know where she is anyway.
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Beatty Nov 2019
Shezza1: Well done.

Wearing the hard hat of common sense (instead of the F.O.G. teeshirt supplied by many families of origin).

I want to make a club of *hard hat* wearers.
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There but for the grace of god...I wish I had some answers for you. I can't imagine dealing with what you have for 13 years, alone. My mother and I never had the best of relationships...it at times seemed we would be opposite opinions on virtually everything. Now she is 97 with dementia that, as you mention, leaves her functional in many ways but not in others. I can't imagine the routine daily stresses...and then incontinence on top of it. She doesn't change her undies/clothes. One day a housedress she had slept in and stained badly was tossed down the laundry chute. I debated between scrubbing it for an hour of my time, throwing it out, having to find another to replace it if I did...I compromised, threw it in a load of its own, with hot water and persil and decided to see what happened. Like it never ever happened!
I wonder how many more of we good daughters are nearing retirement age and potentially risking our future income and well-being if we do so early. My mothers income alone would qualify her as well for medicaid...and she might do well at a day program...but as soon as you WANT or NEED her to get dressed, you can forget it. She is obstinate and obnoxious. It would create huge stress on all sides. And I also hear you about the nursing homes...so dreadful so often. Even if it relieves some day to day aspects, you and I are of the same ilk that we would be wanting to go daily to check on things. Private hire...the expense is a nightmare and the work quality is, imo, more often awful than not.
In this moment though, I feel like you need to know you have others to connect with because for sure, you are not alone, yet not talking to others you have no idea of that. Are there any support groups in your area? Even an island, I'd guess would be covered by one of the local area agencies on aging and you might want to check in and see if they offer a caregiver support program which would at least temporarily provide you with some outside help and give you a break.
Do not feel guilty and know you have done far more than many would or could.
You aren't alone...
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Hi there Elizta,
I usually don't have time to post answers. A few thoughts immediately came to mind. Lo & behold, when I scrolled the answers, someone had already read my mind: Frances73, who didn't reply directly to you. She is "right on" so please read her post.

I married a man 25 years my senior, who had a stroke 14 years ago, but fell last July and has declined precipitously!
He has needed extensive care since then and I have experienced the same lack of patience, then guilt as you and many others have! So know that you are not alone.
However, I am NOT as isolated as you seem to be. That is not good!
Also, I haven't done it for 13 years. If my husband applies for Medicaid for long-term care, my financial situation as "community spouse" would be impacted drastically. It doesn't seem like that's the case with your Mom. So, it's time to take your life back. You will get used to the commute to the nursing home. Plus, when you get there, you are much more likely to spend quality time with her, as her daily needs will be attended to by staff. As Frances pointed out Medicaid handles payment and their rules must be met. But, the government is not running the facilities (at least for the most part). No institution is perfect and there will be tradeoffs. On Medicare.gov, you can search for ratings of the facilities in your area where your mother may be accepted. At least you will get an idea if it's really awful. It's a place to start, along with local eldersource and other agencies recommended by others.
(If you are worried about your mortgage, take in a border or roommate. Who knows, you might make a well- needed and well-deserved friend too!
Good luck.
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I hope you can see that you deserve a life separate from your Mom. Depression and isolation are killers! Please reach out to your doctor and ask about assisted living nearby or home healthcare ! I feel your pain.
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I have recently moved my 91 yr old mother in with me. I have an aide from 7:30 - 2 to guide her through breakfast and am medications and set up her lunch. I work full time and get home by 6 for dinner but mostly she doesn't seem to mind my running out to socialize or shop or go to an AA meeting( which support I depend on).
There is no great history here and I would have never thought I could live with mom, but her dementia has actually helped with that. She is not as forceful as she was when she was younger. I am not comfortable with a nursing facility as she fights with people, and will decide that someone is out to get her and I've seen her tell an aide to get out and that she isn't needed even tho at the time, mom needed the aide to get her to the bathroom.
The most difficult for me is when her personality traits that I lived with and resented my whole life come out en force -She will yell at me that dinner isn't any good and why did I buy this crazy house, and I get upset. Do I always come through with compassion? nope - I have yelled at her also and feel horrible about it, but its a work in progress and I am grateful that mom can live with me at this time and have to accept that I'm not perfect and not going to be anytime soon. Also this is not forever. The cutoff for me will be incontinence and my own isolation. So reading your story above I hope you will be able to get out more and do something besides caregiving. Even if volunteers could come in during the week for an hour here or there. If she requires so much that you have no way to lead your own life maybe its just best to put here in a nursing facility. She has had a long life and seems fair that have a life of your own.
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RedVanAnnie Nov 2019
Don't let your mother's rudeness to people keep you from placing her in a care facility if the time comes that you need to do that. Your mother will not be the first crabby resident the staff has had to deal with. Attitudes are part of their day. They may not like it, either, but you are paying for them to listen to your mother's complaints.
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My heart goes out to you, I am going through the same thing with my husband. I too find myself angry and yelling at him. I know it's the LBD that keeps him from being able to respond to certain directions, so I have to repeat & repeat myself, until I finally get frustrated. I spend most of my day praying and asking God to forgive me for all my sins and short comings and to help me be patient and understanding and loving, but then I blow it, again and again. This dementia is such a cruel disease. It also doesn't help matters when you are the only caregiver 24/7, it is all consuming. All we can do is continue to try to do our best for our LO's and be kind to ourselves. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
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Hi T
After reading your letter and all the responses I already feel “not so alone”, knowing others are going through the same thing. The resentment issue bothers me a lot; I don’t want to feel that towards her or my other siblings for ‘not helping enough’. It is what it is’ just doesn’t cut it.
Family caregivers, opposed to hired caregivers, are emotionally invested and we do take ‘aging meanness’ personally and ask ourselves what we did to deserve this. I gave up an income, social and personal life to be abused by my mother?? Well yes, because there was no else.
I am fortunate that I have embraced Buddhism which teaches patience and tolerance but sometimes that just doesn’t work.

Also my mom (age 91) paid into long term caregiver insurance which pays for 35 hours a week of outside help. I did it alone for a year and was totally burned out. She is also on home dialysis that I alone was trained to do (I’ve now trained our caregiver). This has saved my sanity even tho I’m here the other133 hours.

This may sound like a cliche but I have found that meditation helps me cope. Maybe you could take an “gentle yoga” class once a week to learn this calming technique and make yourself a meditation spot somewhere to find a respite (I do it at night when mom goes to bed).

My Mom was a very independent professional all her life (divorced for 40 yrs), well-read, educated and somewhat social. She is stubborn, but worst of all she is negative. She interrupts when I’m talking, argues with almost everything I say and her dementia gets worse every day. She is not proactive about her health so between my sister and I we make the decisions, attend all doctor appts but if mom doesn’t remember something “By God it didn’t happen”
Sometimes I chuckle, sometimes I cry and sometimes I just have to go outside and take some deep breaths.
Good luck to you all in this place in our lives.
With compassion,
a gypsey in Cali
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My heart goes out to you. I’m in the exact situation. I recognize that it is compassion burnout. I have siblings who don’t actively care for mom but cheer me on from the sidelines. It reminds me that they have the words but no action to show just how much they really “love” mom. Not a day goes by that I’m not mad with my mom. But it’s not really her that I’m mad at. It’s this dementia that I’m angry with. It took so much from my mom. It’s as if she and I are being tortured in slow motion. All I can do is pray and keep praying. This is a season that I’m going through. In time, it will pass. Hang in there and never feel that you’re alone. This is an excellent forum to vent your frustrations. Huge hug!
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What you are feeling is perfectly normal - you are a loving human being and you are responsible for someone who, via their behavior, is causing you intense harm and suffering. You do NOT deserve that from anyone ever and if someone or something is causing this to happen to you, then YOU MUST TAKE ACTION AT ONCE TO STOP IT. You cannot allow the abuse and bad behavior. You are a kind, loving, sensitive soul and you have a tolerance point (I am like you). I simply could not and would not put up with this - nothing would make me do so once I tried to fix things and could not fix them. There are times you just simply cannot live in the same surroundings with someone else - it doesn't matter who they are or the circumstances. You must start looking out for you. You deserve it - please do not wait.
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Maybe you should also be researching facilities for your mother even though you don't love that idea. At some point it might become necessary. Taking some steps ahead of time to narrow your options might make you feel more in control and might give you some hope and encouragement for right now.
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Frances73 Nov 2019
I agree, if you are near retirement age you really need to be taking care of yourself. The best thing you can do for your mom is find a safe place for her to live. Check around, most facilities allocate a few places to Medicaid residents and many will work with you to figure out the finances. Call A Place for Mom (unsolicited plug here) they helped me find a nice facility for my mother.

Was either parent a military veteran? If either served during a time of war she might qualify for Aid and Attendance benefits for skilled nursing or a facility.

Contact your local/state Adult Services. Be patient but you really need to get some help before you become ill yourself. Please keep us updated on your situation.
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Keep sharing your frustrations on this forum and write your feelings down in a journal of your own when you have time. It helps to write things out b/c when you write things out (in a journal or on a forum) you are better able to identify and express the emotions than if they are just racing around in circles in your head.
You are also probably more impatient with your own mother than you might be if you were helping someone unrelated who had the same behaviors. It is devastating to watch a loved one, especially a parent, deteriorate. The family relationship exaggerates your depression and resentment of the current situation.
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A couple things here.

You have a mortgage, it is not a good idea to retire with a large debt if at all possible.

Your mother is eligible for a nursing home. That would take a huge weight off your shoulders. You are looking at nursing homes through the veil of FOG. You are somehow trying to make it up to her for the neglect you suffered as a child at her hands.

If Mum is in care you can go out and meet people, develop a social circle and reduce the isolation in your life.
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It will be over soon enough. At this point, you have to live in the moment.
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lealonnie1 Nov 2019
How do YOU know it will be over 'soon enough' and what constitutes 'soon enough' for a person in THIS level of pain? It could be a year, 10 years or more! Your message reeks of 'suck it up Buttercup' and of a person who has no empathy for the reality of the situation
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I have a feeling that you are coming to the point where you realize that long term care is what you must do for not only yourself, but your mom.
The time you put into the drive to the facility is nothing compared to the hours you are putting into caring for her now.
My mom is the sweetest woman on the face of the earth, but I still get very frustrated, and I have a supportive spouse. But even so, we are looking at assisted living options because the stress takes such a toll as I work full time.

My dad was in a nursing home for 3 1/2 years, and it was the absolute best choice we could have made. He was on medicaid, and honestly he had socialization that he never would have had at home. His relationship with my mom became so much better after placement. He treated her so kindly when she came to visit, and they fought like cats and dogs while she was her caregiver.

Don’t make assumptions about skilled nursing facilities. There are many loving aides, nurses, therapists, and workers who do their best to care for the residents. Unfortunately, the system doesn’t allow for appropriate staffing.
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I totally get your mind-set. I have gone completely numb. I’ve been her caretaker for 8 yrs. She’s on hospice now and for this I get a little break! I don’t feel anymore. I just coast. Is this survival mode or a break-down of my former self? All I know is I would have done things differently if I had hindsight. And my mother would have done better with others around her all day. She’s still sociable - even though she has chf - end stage. Too late now. Maybe the hospice care center when she’s bedbound.
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You have experienced anything yet. Just wait until you have to do 24/7 care. Try changing her diapers and cleaning her private parts, because stool gets in there. Bathing her. Scheduled bowel movements and enemas. My relationship with my mom -- her brain was so gone--was feed one end, clean the other and keep her clean and turned. Everyday. No reprieve. No rest. Burn out? Oh and she lasted for years like this.

For myself I NEVER regretted caring for her. I've always been very close to mom. She lived a very good quality life end at the very end stages of Alzheimer's disease. She never needed a single psychotropic or narcotic. She knew she was loved. All the time. Even the hospice nurse never started her on morphine because she really was very comfortable. Everyday I thought how much I appreciated her being alive. Just being with her meant the world to me, so when she died (of liver cancer--NOT Alzheimer's), I was destroyed. I never realized just how alone I am without her. She lived for years with a PEG tube. She long forgotten how to swallow food and water. But it was liver failure that killed her--not Alzheimer's.
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I am so sorry. The difficulty you describe is very real and you are not alone. Even though we all want to try hard and care for our loved ones up until the day they pass at home, that is not a fair and realistic outcome with most dementia related illnesses. Unless you have a team of family members at home that can help you, it can be impossible at times. This disease is very relentless, cruel and dysfunctional and it has the ability to destroy you, the caregiver, even though you try so hard. Sometimes, I think this is one of the most difficult parts of the illness, letting go of full time family care and giving it to someone else, an assisted living. It must be done in some circumstances for survival. Dementia needs a team of people
to care effectively for our loved ones. But you can still play an important role while she is in assisted living. You visit often and advocate for her there. Pray often and get balance in your life so you can still be effective for both of you.
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I am in a similar situation, but it is not my mother. Ultimately you need to decide what is best for yourself and your Mother. My patient too would have to go on Medicaid to live in a NH. However, due to bad dementia behavior I am sure it would be a death sentence. I know I have days that I say to myself that I cannot take it anymore, but go on afterwards. In some respects you already made the decision to care of your Mother until the end. I know it is difficult, but force yourself not become angry and remember that your Mother is not same person anymore and she cannot help herself. Call a nurse help line and/or Alzheimer’s 800 number when you need to talk.
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I've had this experience with my mother at times. Her being so hard of hearing and having practically no short-term memory (and her being somewhat of an "interrogator") tends to wear my patience thin, and occasionally I show my frustration. I've apologized for it, usually the next time I visit, and I'm not sure she even remembers that it happened. She is bedridden, and often when I try to tell her something, she turns her head toward me which covers up her ear, so I have to remind her to move her head back so I can talk to her!

This had some effects on me while I was still working (and only able to visit one weekend a month because I was living 500 miles away). One was that I provided technical support to sales reps, customer service reps, and medical practices. There were a few customers that others found very frustrating to deal with, and they gladly handed them over to me. Because of the effort I had to make in a conversation with my mother, I found dealing with customers very easy and had plenty of patience with them, much to the appreciation of the others in our company. The other was that one day, when I wanted to say something to one of the laboratory technicians, I got to thinking about which side I should approach her until it dawned on me that she, like most people, can hear in both ears!
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Beatty Nov 2019
Chuckle!

I too take on conversations with the *tricky* ones!

My Mother refuses to use her hearing aides, points at things she wants done & repeats a command until someone does it (or goes beserk if not).

I don't care much how crazy or hard the conversation gets with hearing impaired, dementia or delirium as long as it's a TWO way convo - not a one sided demand.
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Making a broad, sweeping generalization about all Medicaid care homes being terrible and continuing to care for a mother you can't stand and scream at makes no sense. Nobody is benefiting from the stress in your home and your mother is going to require more care than you alone can give her here shortly, if not currently. Dementia reaches a point where it's no longer safe or feasible to live at home, regardless of how much patience you have or don't have. The choice to get her into Skilled Nursing won't be a choice soon, so go check out some SNFs in your area and get her on a waiting list for a couple you like best. Just having an end in sight can give you some much deserved respite from the high anxiety you're going thru.

Dementia brings with it THE most irritating and unmanageable behaviors on earth, it's mind boggling, really. My mother has always been insufferable but when dementia set in, she became SO incredibly impossible that I'd prefer to shoot myself rather than care for her at home. So I don't.....shes gone from Assisted Living to Memory Care and then I will place her in a Medicaid Skilled Nursing Facility when she runs out of money. Because MY sanity is worth it, period. I have my life and she has hers. I go visit weekly and call daily. I handle ALL of her affairs from 4 miles away, and it's a lot of work, but as an only child, I'm all she has and so I wiilingly do it......but from a distance. And, for what it's worth, she was in a Medicaid approved SNF for rehab in May and loved it. It's the place she'll go back to when her money runs out for Memory Care. The care was excellent, the room bright and large, clean and well manicured grounds,,,,,it was an all around great experience.

Best of luck
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If it was me I would be getting advice on putting her in care. Start doing your research. You might be surprised to what you both are entitled to. Doing something positive towards a future plan will make you feel better mentally.
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gdaughter Nov 2019
And you can always do research and know, but not take any action if your decision is to keep on as you are...but at least you will know what is out there if you feel you're at the breaking point...
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Welcome to the club nobody wants to join or be a part of. This morning, I was so tired that I not only put my mother’s diaper on backwards,I put her slacks on backwards, too! She sensed my frustration & promptly responded by calling me an “ugly POS” Not really the kind of greeting that gets you going in the morning to put a smile on your face. So it wasn’t my best day & I still have to keep going. I’m far from perfect but I get respite when my private pay Aide comes...about 40-45 hrs a week. Mother is 92 yo w dementia, not mobile & has to be helped w everything. She’s incontinent & doesn’t always know when she has to do #2. She gets agitated & sometimes hits ...last week she pulled on my hair & then I see my hair falling out ..in sink , shower, on my clothes, etc. She don’t even remember doing that next day or even 5 minutes later. This disease sucks is the bottom line.
You are not alone!!!
HUGS 🤗
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